Catching up is hard to do

It's hard for me to believe how far behind I've gotten, a mere 31 days into the year, on my hopes and dreams for 2019.

I don't know where to start in trying to catch up.

I know I won't have a chance to catch up if I don't start somewhere.

And so I am typing a few words on the blog.

I checked my growing to-do list to see whether anything is urgent. Only one has to be done before the calendar page turns to February or not at all. It won't be missed if I don't do it; it might bring cool rewards if I do it. The rest are things that I will just feel disappointed to have not accomplished.

And as for disappointment, dealing with disappointment is a theme of a Bible study I started Jan. 21 that I'm disappointed to say I'm so far behind on already that it's all I can do to not just forget about it. It seems so overwhelming.

And yet, it's something I really want to continue with. I want to find the promised "unexpected strength when disappointments leave you shattered."

I don't feel shattered right now, and for that I am grateful. All I've read so far in the book makes me believe it can give me an understanding of how God's promises in the Bible can help me deal with reality -- including disappointments. My hope would have been that I could rely on God to help me avoid being shattered by circumstances. Instead, I'm seeing that the examples in the Bible show that even if or when we are torn apart, we can trust that God is at work -- faithful, working for good.

Third-week Theatrics

Dang! It's blog day. And I didn't. Maybe next time.

Second-week sensations

Visiting my newest great-nephew.


Not getting too upset when my travels plans were changed and no one bothered to tell me. I was able to look at the bright side and be grateful I inadvertently learned of the changes before I took any action that would have kept me from missing out on the purpose of my trip.

I'm certain there were others. I can't think of them now.

And yes, this is what I call a placeholder. The practice is alive and well in January 2019!

First week favorites, 2019

I had the idea this morning as I was thinking about the start of 2019 to sum up some highlights with "First-week favorites."

I've run out of time today and will not finish this tonight, which actually could become an entry on the list of favorites!

In no particular order (possibly):

Joslin and Russell announced they will be having twins in July -- adding to their family that already includes two baby-crazy boys and a girl, all 7 and younger.

God's on my side: This reading on Saturday in my "Then Sings My Soul" devotional booklet makes up for my frustration with typos and not the best choice of words. The writing that expounded on the familiar Scripture of Psalm 139:23-24 ("Search  me, God, and know my heart ....") proposed that the psalmist, David, "understands something very important about God. He knows that (God's) on David's side. ... He believes God isn't going to respond in anger, but in love." I've always been drawn to this Scripture and felt comforted by it. This helps me understand why it speaks to me of God's love.

(An interesting side note: Tonight's reading in the morning/evening devotional book is on Isaiah 25:1 -- Oh Lord, You are my God ...  You have done wonderful things ...faithful and sure." It references God's track record of faithfulness, which makes me think of another of my favorite Scriptures, Lamentations 3:23-24, which I remember as "Morning by morning new mercies I see; great is Thy faithfulness." And what that made me think of is my visit earlier today to see Mavis, a dear church friend who is now confined to a nursing home where she is confused and alone and hurting in her soul as well as her body. I prayed with her and read Christmas cards and tried to make her smile, with a degree of success. And then the song I sang a verse of was "Great Is Thy Faithfulness," and I could see her mouthing the words.

Reminders that I don't have to be perfect.

My cousin Eric's blog.

Sharing a Babylon Bee satire on Facebook.

Snow.

Focus on God. Trust God. Let go and let God. Praise God!

Yes!

Opportunity? Or Challenge? It's all good!

Every day, every moment, is a new opportunity to do the next right thing. That's how I wanted to approach this first day of 2019.

Why does it seem more like a challenge, or maybe even an obstacle, than an opportunity?

My awareness today was that if I were to write down my goals or resolutions for Jan. 1 (I won't even contemplate such a list for the year), many of them would seem impossible. And on my own, they are.

But I am not alone. I believe in God. I seek His guidance, to know and do His will to His glory. I believe He answers these prayers and gives me what I need to partner with Him in bringing about good through the life He has given me.

So I returned to my question: Why have I continued to struggle so much?

Today's first reading in the morning-and-evening devotional book I bought for this year began with Proverbs 16:9, using The Living Bible's wording: “We should make plans — counting on God to direct us.” The evening reading offered the Scripture from the Amplified Bible: "A man's mind plans his way [as he journeys through life]. But the Lord directs His steps and establishes them."

Yes, it's good to plan. Research has a place. God gave me a brain so I can think and learn. But that brain functions best when it is connected to a heart and soul immersed in prayer. Prayer and Bible study are essential if I truly want the Lord to direct my steps and establish them. When I communicate with God through prayer and His Word -- the Bible -- my knowledge of His desires for me grows, as does my faith that I can trust in His love and goodness.

And then I must take the action. God will direct my steps, but I'm the one who has to put one foot in front of the other, to follow His directions.  That requires faith that He is God and His plans are good. 

The devotional booklet, "Then Sings My Soul," ended the Jan. 1 reading by asking what step I can take to move from "default" (living as if I'm calling the shots) to "design" (recognizing that God is in charge and partnering with Him)? 

I looked ahead and saw the book has a question for each day. So I created a Word document where I can write down my answers.

This was what I wrote for today:

 One next step or decision that would move me from “default” to “design” is to start with prayer, then the Scripture and devotional included here in the morning, followed by moments of meditation. I’m attempting to start this online journal for answers to questions with this book and possibly also the questions of First 15 or any other Bible studies that I take on. I’m attempting to set it up and save it on OneDrive so that I can journal from my phone or the laptop computer. I’ll see how that goes. I don’t have to be perfect. It is a plan. I believe it is a good plan. Proverbs 16:9 clarifies that there are only two ways to live — by default or by design. … Amazingly, these two options are only one decision away from one another — to believe we call the shots or recognize God does. I desire to shift to truly living as if I believe God calls the shots and that He is trustworthy in doing so, because His plans for me and all of creation are good.

I have to admit that today was mostly spent reading, praying and contemplating, seeking to discern where God wants to lead.

I've tried so many times to make a fresh start on a spiritual path that works for me. And as has always been the case, I won't know whether this time is different until I look back and see what happens.

Is that an opportunity or a challenge? Does it even matter? With God, all things are possible and can work for good.

I pray to be willing to experience the good things God has in store. All He asks is that I let Him lead and trust Him with the results.

Wrapping it up

For some reason, I decided to start off New Year’s Eve by reading, among other things, the Dec. 31 entry for a new Bible devotion book I bought two copies of -- one for my mother and one for me to use in 2019.

I was shocked to see it included a typo — a dropped word. And as I continued reading from “Then Sings My Soul,” I found other things I view as punctuation errors in the short passage for the start of the day. (The format includes one version of the Scripture and a meditation in the morning and a different version of the same passage, with another meditation, at night.)

As a longtime journalist and copy editor, now retired following a lay off two years ago, my first thought was to toss this book aside.

My second thought was that it is good for me to be reminded on the last day of the year that none of us on earth is perfect. 

In some ways, I think it’s better I get that reminder today than tomorrow or Jan. 5 or for the first time with this compilation next Dec. 31. 

Exposed is my tendency to want to wrap up one year or day or month or project with a tidy bow and to start the new one with perfection as well. 

And that’s not how my life works. 

I don't get to be perfect.

I get to pray. I get to respond with faith or fear -- affirmative action or paralyzing procrastination. The actions I take or avoid have consequences, for good or bad.

When I pray for guidance, I can trust God to respond. Even when the way does not seem clear or my response seems less than adequate, I can trust that God is with me and allowing me to learn and grow as I continue to seek His guidance and strength, to His glory.

I can strive for excellence. I need to accept the results that come, trusting that God is in charge, that He loves me, and that His plans for me are good.

Meanwhile, I noticed the Dec. 31 reading from one of my 12-step books also has a typo. I’m sure I notice it every year. And yet I must always forget, because it seems as if this is the first time I’ve seen it.

That makes me think of Lamentations 3:22-23, one of my beloved Scriptures (and soul songs):

The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases, 

His mercies are new every morning;

great is Thy faithfulness.

One day at a time. I don't get to be perfect. Morning by morning, day by day, month by month, year by year ... new mercies I see.

New opportunities I see. New songs. New hope. New lessons. New blessings.

This is not how I planned to wrap up my year with my blog. I wanted to look back through the year and review the highlights. I know there were some great moments, along with some disappointments.

I wanted to follow that review with setting goals or claiming some truths on which to build a foundation for 2019.

So, now what?

How about I close out 2018 with The Lord's Prayer:

Our Father who art in heaven,
Hallowed be thy Name.
Thy kingdom come.
Thy will be done,
On earth as it is in heaven.
Give us this day our daily bread.
And forgive us our trespasses,
As we forgive those who trespass against us.
And lead us not into temptation,
But deliver us from evil.
[For thine is the kingdom,
and the power, and the glory,
for ever and ever.]
Amen.

Source: the litany section of the U.S. Book of Common Prayer, 1928 edition.

Read more: https://www.lords-prayer-words.com/commentary/our_father_who_art_in_heaven.html#ixzz5bKdbC0g2

With gratitude and praise to God for 2018 and bright hope for 2019.
Amen.

Christmas Every Day 2

It's the day after Christmas, but it really didn't seem like it to me.

Ever since Thanksgiving, the timing between the holidays has seemed off for some reason. Part of it must be that the traditional highlight of my Christmas -- a gathering including my mom, my five siblings and many of our extended family members -- was in scheduling limbo for many weeks, before we decided less than two weeks before Christmas that it wouldn't work out at all. I see pictures people are posting on Facebook of their family gatherings, often spanning two or three days, and feel a bit of sadness that I don't have my own to share. That's true even though I'm also very grateful for and OK with decisions our family made.

I think Christmas falling on a Tuesday also messed with my timing. We had church Sunday morning, and we had Christmas Eve worship on Monday. Today, it seemed like the schedule should be back to normal for a Wednesday. But it didn't seem normal. I went to a meeting I usually attend on Wednesdays, but only two other people were there. And choir practice was canceled.

Until 2016, my Christmas through New Year's holiday period often only included two days off. Family gatherings were usually the weekend before or after Christmas Day. The work days before Christmas and between Christmas and New Year's were as hectic as any for me -- and often busier because other people were taking days off.

As I continue to adjust to my new and preferred lifestyle that doesn't include an office job with daily deadlines and relatively few days off, especially at the end of the year, I had hoped to be more disciplined in spreading Christmas joy to people, such as homebound members of my church, who are sometimes overlooked.  As I ran out of time, I reminded myself I could continue these visits after Christmas. But now that Christmas is over, the sense of urgency is gone. It will take a different kind of motivation to follow through.

Exercising that intentional effort is a new goal. It's part of how I want to experience Christmas every day. I don't want to give up on completing the task of addressing Christmas cards and getting them delivered. I don't want to give up on visiting at least four people before the end of the year. I may not wear a Santa hat and sing carols -- but I can if I want to. After all, we've just begun the 12 days of Christmas ...

I was thinking about this as I drove to my meeting this morning. I had the radio on, and I heard one of the program hosts on K-Love talking about her son unexpectedly suggesting they go to a candlelight Christmas Eve service. She said she was already in her comfy clothes and slippers and really did not care to go out. But he insisted, and she agreed to go. At the end of the service, as the candlelight was being passed from one person to the next -- and from her to her son -- she became profoundly aware that this was one of those moments that mattered. She thanked God that she hadn't missed this opportunity.

I don't want to miss my moments that matter. I am aware I often won't know in advance which moments those are. The ones I think matter might turn out to be fairly insignificant. And I've had quite a few times when I thought something I did or helped with was really minor, and I was amazed at how deeply appreciated it was by another person. Other times, such as a hospital visit today, are powerful affirmations of why I should not hold back when my spirit says go.

Leading up to Christmas, I read two Advent devotional series based on Scriptures. I also continued my daily readings from Proverbs 31 ministries and The Upper Room. Somewhere among those, or perhaps some 12-step literature or something I heard at a meeting, I took to heart that when I'm unsure what to do, I can be sure of this: the choice should be loving and honorable.

Part of how I respond to God's great Christmas gift of love is by receiving it. I let it wash over me. I read and study the Bible to learn more about God and Christ and the Holy Spirit and the life that is possible when I believe. I can echo the words of Christ's mother, Mary, that nothing is impossible for God.