Just in case

 I can’t let 2020 end without making a space to reflect, just in case. 

Ending well

 I’ve ended 2020 by completing the “Bible in One Year with Nicky Gumbel,” a Bible reading plan on the YouVersion Bible app. 

I had to catch up on about 25 days of reading in 3 days. (I missed about 3 weeks in March-April and struggled the rest of the year to get and stay caught up.) I am grateful to have made the commitment to finish. There is still much I don’t understand in the Bible, especially Revelation. I’m seeing that more becomes clear each time I read and study. 

The final day’s commentary was about “how to begin and end,“ guidance I’m always seeking as one year transitions to another. 

The Scriptures included Psalm 150, Nehemiah 13 and Revelation 22.  In a nutshell: Begin and end with Jesus, with the love of God and with worship. 

— From Psalm 150: Begin and end with worship. 

Praise the Lord! Hallelujah! 
Praise the Lord!
Everyone. 
Everywhere. 
All the time. 
In all ways. 
For everything. 
Praise the Lord! Hallelujah!

— Nehemiah, like the Bible as a whole, begins and ends with prayers grounded in God’s love. “O Lord, God of heaven, the great and awesome God, who keeps His covenant of love ...” Nehemiah 1:5

“Remember me for this also, O my God, and show mercy to me according to Your great love.” Nehemiah 13:22

— Revelation 22: Begin and end with Jesus. 

“In the beginning, God ...” Genesis 1:1 
“In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God ... Through Him all things were made.” John 1:1,3
“The Word became flesh and lived among us, and we have seen His glory ... full of grace and truth.” John 1:14

“I am the Alpha and the Omega, the first and the last, the beginning and the end.” Revelation 22:13

“”Surely I am coming soon.”
“Amen. Come, Lord Jesus! The grace of the Lord Jesus be with all the saints. Amen.” Revelation 22:20b-21

When I finished reading, I felt exhausted, humbled, blessed, grateful, hopeful, confident in the Lord, loved. I am His! Hallelujah! Praise the Lord!

In making it a priority to finish reading through the Bible with this plan and commentary, I let go of many of my usual New Year’s Eve rituals and expectations.  

This will be my year-end blog post and my social media post (a shortened version). Any attempts for a profound look back at 2020 will come at another time, if at all. It’s time now to wish a friend Happy Birthday, then focus my attention on my beloved husband as we bid farewell to 2020 and prepare to greet 2021, in all things giving thanks to God! 

Wrapping up Christmas

Worship this Sunday after Christmas at Whaley United Methodist Church was a wonderful service of lessons and carols. I enjoyed sitting and singing with a chorus of young angels! Heidi, Madison and Ryan love the carols, as do I. It was a good way to end a few days in Texas for Christmas that included masked moments with extended family and church friends. 

Now it’s time to finish addressing and delivering (by dropping off or mailing) Christmas cards and gifts to other family members and friends, then wind down 2020 and prepare for a good start to 2021. Sounds like another busy week to me! I’m getting on my knees as soon as I post this, to pray for God to keep my focus and use my resources on His plans rather than my own. 

#Forever grateful

The Advent photo challenge word for Christmas Day was #Forever. 

The first thing that came to mind was the phrase that repeats in Handel’s “Hallelujah Chorus,” that “He shall reign #forever and ever.” Christ reigns in Love. Christ was God’s gift of Love. God, Christ and Love are eternal. Alpha & Omega, beginning and end. #Forever. 

The image I envisioned was something with a cross and a heart. It was harder than I expected to find the two images together, without having to worry about copyrights; dare I say it seemed to take #forever? As far as i can tell, what I found was available free on Unsplash.com.

A less spiritual concept of #forever for today was how long it will take me to see and respond to all the Christmas greetings I received from friends!! 

I decided to post just the cross and heart image for the challenge, then do this blog post with “the rest of the story.” 

Beware: The story that resulted may take #forever to tell, and I’m unlikely to finish it here. In fact, I’m self-censoring as I write!

I’m realizing it may take #forever for me to figure out what or who God created me to do and be: and where I fit in to His plans and my surroundings. 

I recently began to try to take ownership of how I am — the way my brain works (and doesn’t); and that I think too much (over analyze) and talk a lot. 

Worse yet, it became clear that part of my excessive talking happens as I’m overanalyzing. Apparently, not many people care to hear the mess in my mind that I’m sorting out.

This would be great information for me to have, except for one problem: When I don’t do the talking (or writing) to explain myself, including my thought process, I’m often misunderstood. That also happened today. (There’s actually another problem, too, but I’ll skip that for now.)

Good news is I owned it — I said, yes, it’s how I am. And I said I’m grateful for people who understand and-or don’t mind listening. (Although the second thoughts are likely to return for a while as I ponder: Maybe the ones I thought understand or don’t mind listening are really just putting up with me out of pity!!!). 

Self-doubt was triggered again when I was questioned about why I posted to social media several of the photos taken trying to capture a single image. I had my reasons, but I did not explain them in the post. 

I posted 8 or 9 photos because I couldn’t decide; plus, I wanted to be sure others in the photos could pick the ones they liked the best. Of course, I had debated this in my mind a few minutes, trying to avoid posting so many. And I was tempted to explain why I did. But I ended up just posting at the time, trying to cut off the excessive thinking. 

So, it seems like I can’t win. Because I’m also sure, if I had just posted one, someone would not have liked my choice. 

So, I guess some of the takeaways are that I can’t please everyone and sometimes seem unable to please anyone. Maybe that’s what it will take to  eventually accept that I might as well not worry about pleasing others, and instead just be me and trust God with the results!

But that may take #forever!

(And as the writer/talker keeps on going, I’ll add that I know I’m doing in this post exactly what others have pointed out is problematic. And on top of that, it’s Christmas. I wanted to stay focused on Christ and love: It’s not about me; it’s about Him! And so, once more and #forever, I cling with humble gratitude to God’s grace and love.) 

#rethinkchurch #GoodrichAdvent2020 #umcRethinkChurch #unitedmethodistchurch #ComfortsofChristmas2020 

Christmas Eve: #Word

Christmas Eve. This year was different and the same. I am grateful for precious, quiet moments of sharing and remembering with my husband in Norman before we headed to Texas. More precious  (and less quiet) moments followed in Texas, spent safely, I hope and pray, celebrating God’s gift of His Son, born as a human baby Who would be our Savior and Redeemer. 

Different is because of COVID and social distancing and masks and uncertainty. The same because Gene & I still came to Texas and attended a Christmas Eve service and spent time with family, wearing masks and being cautious in public gatherings including church. 

The same because I still don’t know how to express all that’s in my heart at this time. Perhaps more gratitude than joy. I think that’s OK. Maybe it is joy and I’m expecting it to feel like something else — happiness, perhaps, or satisfaction, contentment or completeness.

One way I share joy is through song, and as often happens, song opportunities stirred some confusion for me. I get to continue to ask God for forgiveness regarding some of my choices and reactions. I am grateful to receive His grace. 

And where does social media fit in?    

Another area of sameness is awareness of my self-focus and greed. And then I top that with the thought (second-guessing again!) that even writing about this is self-focused. 

Lord! Please help me! And thank You, because I know You are! 

Advent photo challenge Day 25: #Word. 

Will I depict a celebration of the #Word made flesh, to dwell among us? Or will I depict a #word (family) that is so important to me, which will take several pictures and still not include everyone, especially since it includes not only my mother, husband, sisters, brother and the extended loved ones, but also my church families? These images and a video capture a bit of both. 

#rethinkchurch #GoodrichAdvent2020 #umcRethinkChurch #unitedmethodistchurch #ComfortsofChristmas2020

#Moving along

Advent photo challenge Day 24: #Moving. 

This may be the hardest yet for me. It’s been in the back of my mind since morning, and at 9:45 p.m. I still had no strong image. Among the concepts that came to mind were some of the amazing, emotionally #moving, soul-stirring geothermal features we saw at Yellowstone National Park in the fall. But I had my doubts the movement would translate to a photo. Then there was the movement of the leaves in today’s gusty winds. And throughout the day has been the awareness of God’s spirit #moving in and around me, in people, in music, in nature. But how do I show that in a picture? Since it’s time for me to be #moving on to the next part of my day (bedtime), I need to quit thinking and start posting! The Yellowstone image I decided on is not the one I originally thought of but is without a doubt #moving (confirmed by the video). 

#rethinkchurch #GoodrichAdvent2020 #umcRethinkChurch #unitedmethodistchurch #ComfortsofChristmas2020

The rest of this story is what I also composed but deleted, perhaps to be used tomorrow:

I thought this challenge would get easier as we got closer to Christmas, but no, the words became less obvious. (Tomorrow’s word is Word. I already know people will say that should be simple. Tell it to my brain!!) 

And then, after I selected the photo and video and posted them, it didn’t seem so hard. 

One of the things for which I’m most grateful is the new (for me) experience of not too badly second-guessing myself after I’ve posted. Knowing I can share more thoughts on the blog or in comments helps. And, unlike what I thought would happen, I don’t think I’ve ever come up with a clearly better idea after I posted. 

A time to build up



Advent photo challenge Day 23: #Build.

This is what I was trying to find an image to represent:

One day, one choice, one act at a time is how you build a habit, a life, a relationship. 

This is what I ended up using with photos of our new fence and the panels that were torn down:

“For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven ... a time to break down and a time to build ...” (Ecclesiastes 3:1,3b)

#rethinkchurch #GoodrichAdvent2020 #umcRethinkChurch #unitedmethodistchurch #ComfortsofChristmas2020 

The rest of the story:

Much of today was spend in work to build a stronger, more effective foundation for my life and marriage. Rather than search for a more creative picture to represent my husband and me exploring goals and priorities, I took the quicker and easier approach of using pictures I had taken Monday of the new fence that replaced one that had fallen into disrepair on the north side of our home. 

It’s a good time to build up areas of weakness. I am grateful to have my husband as my partner.