More stubborn than Gideon

Progress comes slowly for me.

I've been praying for guidance. God is giving it.

It's up to me to act.

What will it take???

Bible study readings all week have described my situation and offered practice guidance from Scripture as well as modern writers' experiences.

From the first two days of a Levi Lusko study:

Your self-sabotaging mechanism might be your negative thoughts, it might be your actions (or lack thereof), your bad behavior or short temper. It might be your harsh speech or the way you mindlessly turn to social media or food to distract yourself from what is really going on. ... The problem isn’t that we struggle with these things, the problem comes when we refuse to acknowledge them, when we decide it is easier to go quietly into the night instead of putting up a fight.

I don’t believe that we don’t desire victory in our lives; no one wants to be stagnant - stuck in a rut of the same ol’ roadblocks. It’s just that we don’t want to put in the hard yards or commit to God’s instructions that show us the way we can live as victors. ... So this is the day. God brought you to this moment to declare war. On your darkness, on your demons, on your self-sabotaging tendencies, on the version of yourself that you don’t want to be, to throw off the gloves, and rise to the fight, to commit to leaning in as we tackle vital components of the inner struggle. There is freedom in this declaration: I / De / Clare / War

He then asks some questions: What's holding you back? Who can I share this list with to keep me accountable? I made the list but was unwilling to share it.

Lusko's second day referred to the biblical story of Gideon, from Judges 6:1-40, which also was referenced in another study I read this week. Both noted that God didn't accept any of Gideon's excuses. Gideon asked God for more and more signs and wonders before acting, but finally he did act, and God accomplished what was needed and promised. Maybe I'm in that process. 

From Lusko: At the root of the matter ... we feel insecure and we buy into the lie that we aren’t good enough. So, instead of dealing with the lie, we wear a mask as a defense mechanism to cover up the insecurity. But let me tell you this: Living out of your insecurity is the secret to a miserable life.

Look at the life of Gideon and his journey from miserable insecurity to vulnerability and, finally, power. Gideon was haunted by a low opinion of himself and it made him uncomfortable with who God called him to be. ... To make a long story short, Gideon accepts the challenge and raises up an army. God planned on stacking the deck against Gideon in such a way that it would be unmistakable as to who the credit should go to when he was victorious.

There is a valuable lesson to be learned in Gideon’s story: ... Before the battle of the fist comes the battle of the mind. The cure for insecurity is understanding your true identity. That is to say that when you know who you are, it doesn't matter who you are not. That’s why God told Gideon he was a mighty warrior. Don’t focus on what you aren’t, focus on what you are! You are loved by God.  ... And the good news for us insecure mask-wearing phonies is that if we were the ones who put the mask on, we can just as easily take it off and begin to walk in the power and the purpose set out before us.

Meanwhile, these are the words of encouragement drawn from Gideon, offered in the other study I read yesterday:

The words of Gideon’s question in this passage leap readily to our own lips: “If the Lord is with us, why then has all this befallen us?” (verse 13, rsv).
God seems so far away when our lives are filled with death, suffering, boredom, jobs we don’t like, people we don’t understand, circumstances we can’t change. We listen for the answer to Gideon’s question in hopes we may hear an answer to our own. But as so often happens in the encounters between God and people in the Bible, there is no answer, at least not what we would ordinarily classify as an answer. Rather, there is a command: “Save Israel from Midian” (verse 14, msg).

Gideon’s response is much like ours would be: “Look at me. My clan’s the weakest in Manasseh and I’m the runt of the litter” (verse 15, msg). But God showed Gideon that there was to be no more introspection over past failures, no speculation on the ways of fate, no self-evaluation. The initiative was in God’s hands, as it had been back in Egypt. Gideon had only to obey and adhere to the promise. He had only to serve, and God would bring the victory.

When, Lord? When will I be willing to step forward in faith? Continuing to pray .....