Faith vs. Works -- And a Time To Be Still

Maybe it's starting to make sense. Since the start of the year, I've been more deliberate about spending quiet time in communion with God. But even as Scriptures reminded me again and again of the importance of spending this time quietly with God, I couldn't shake the thought that God also wants action. After all, doesn't Scripture also say faith without works is dead.

Sunday's sermon text may provide a key. 1 Corinthians 9:25-27. "I therefore so run, not as uncertainly; so fight I, not as one that beateth the air; but I keep under my body, and bring it into subjection ..."

The sermon's focus was the importance of not only running the race, but running with purpose. What is God's purpose for me? What is the prize or goal He wants me to achieve?

Maybe the reason I spend so much time procrastinating or in mindless activity is that I don't have a true sense of purpose. For all my faith and good intentions, I struggle. ... (I am aware of some of the reasons, from childhood on ... Dreams, choices, consequences and realities.) ... And the place to get that settled is in constant communion with God.

But the sermon reminded me that I do need to act. I must discern God's purpose and act. Maybe not today. It seems like it should be soon.

After the sermon, I had a wonderful conversation with a dear friend at church who is about 78 who was talking about why she continues to push herself to be active. She knows the purpose for each action -- to keep her healthy and whole -- and also God's greater purpose for her.

Even as I feel impatient to get to work on the stuff that I think needs to be done, today's readings and Scriptures reminded me again that God is still wanting me to be still, focusing on quietness and trust. "Be still before the Lord ..." (Zechariah 2:13). "In repentance and rest is your salvation, in quietness and trust is your strength ..." (Isaiah 30:15). "My grace is enough for you; for My strength and power are made perfect and show themselves most effective in your weakness" (2 Corinthians 12:9).

This seemed clearer Monday, when I started it, than it does today. I guess that helps explain why I'm not finished with the quiet communion with God, and probably never will be. Maybe God's preparing me for a journey rather than a race. Or maybe I'm on the journey that is preparing me for the race. I think God may be laughing with me right now, as we see how very far I still have to go! I'm grateful to Him for not only leading me, but walking with me, patiently and lovingly. In fact, as slow as it seems we are going, I think He is still telling me to slow down even more. I trust You, Lord Jesus. Lead me, Lord.

Ready for action!

It's 2011, and I'm ready for action. Or, at least I'm ready to offer some good action verbs:

Live. Love. Laugh. Learn.
Pray. Praise. Play. Persevere.
Rest. Rejuvenate. Read. Rejoice. Remember. Realize.
Give. Grow.
Exercise. Excise (excess). Enlighten. Enjoy.
Abide. Abstain. Appreciate. Adore. Accept.
Care. Cooperate. Celebrate. Cook. Clean. Create.
Beautify. Be. Bless.
Dance. Delight. Dine. Decide.
Forgive. Free. Face. Feel.
Help. Hug. Hope.
Illuminate. Illustrate. Inspire.
Jump. Juggle. Justify, Judge (fairly).
Keep. Kindle.
Move. Make.
Open. Optimize.
Qualify. Quantify. Question.
Share. Sing. Sigh. Simply.
Touch. Tell. Think. Travel.
Unite. Unify. Understand.
Verify.
Write. Work.
Yearn.

I toyed with putting this in alphabetical order, but the missing letters would stand out more, and the ones that came to mind first wouldn't be at the top. This is in no particular order, but there is something about the order that I do like. The words inspire me. May I embrace them and live to God's glory.

Decision Points?

It's early December, and part of me has skipped right past Christmas and is thinking about new year's resolutions. Since one of those resolutions might be to live more fully in each moment, it's obvious the need is real.

A few things recently got me to thinking about resolutions.

One is my continuing annoyance and shame over a few of my habits. Anyone who has paid attention knows I chew way too much gum and have a disgusting habit of picking at bumps and rough skin. These may or may not be a big deal, but the thing I'm keenly aware of is that I won't be able to let go of them -- or even just cut back -- without a very determined effort. I'm aware that just thinking about it and the reasons I want to stop or cut back actually make me more compulsive about the habit. I can tell it's going to take not only a physical plan of action but also a plan that involves mental and spiritual resolve. And I'm not ready yet. Maybe if I start praying for willingness now, it will come sooner rather than later.

Another was a Facebook post from one of my nieces. She wrote on Dec. 1: "... is thinking that if I start practicing my New Years Resolutions now by the time 2011 rolls around I might have them down!!" Good luck with that, I thought, assessing my own reality.

The third thing that has me thinking about resolutions stems from having started to read former President George W. Bush's memoir "Decision Points." Rather than being presented as a life story as such, the book's structure is based on looking back at key decisions, mostly in his presidency but also at other times in his life. It starts with his decision to quit drinking. What it made me realize is that I never know whether I've actually made a decision until I can look back and see whether I followed through. Maybe this is related to my compulsive tendencies (mine don't involve alcohol) and need for a 12-step program that includes Step 3: "Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understand Him." I've done that and continue to reaffirm that decision daily. One day at a time, it keeps me from turning to food as my God. So, what's the deal with this gum? It's not my God, but it seems like more than a nervous habit. Even though it wastes a bunch of money, I'm not sure it causes any ill effects to my health or the well-being of others. In fact, it only seems like an obsession when I try to let it go. (But isn't that the definition of an obsession or addiction -- when you can't or won't give it up even when you think you want to?) I just know that on some level I would like to be free of the excess. But I don't guess I'd like to enough yet to make what seems like a sacrifice.

I know I've made many important decisions in my life that have been transformative in positive ways. This is happening more often as I grow older. But it's also as I grow older that I'm more aware of the decisions I want to make but keep avoiding. I'm aware that I can't get back wasted moments, squandered opportunities, misspoken words or misspent money. I think there is value in looking back to learn from experience, but I want to move forward, to grow and develop. But I guess I'm still not ready to make a decision. I'm just wishing. Or so it seems. Maybe by the start of the new year I'll be ready. Or maybe tomorrow. Or maybe tonight. I guess I'll know when I look back.

September reprise

I don't really have time, but I have desire, and so I will take a few moments to write about some of the things last Saturday that helped me get out of a rut.

It started with writing about it, and praying as I wrote. But after taking time to write, I was running late on getting to a meeting, and I knew I had to buy gas on the way. A fairly long-lost thought of just not going revisited, but fortunately I was able to put it aside, get dressed and head on my way, grateful to remember that for the meeting I was headed to, "better later than never" is more than a cliche. In my car, I saw my cell phone, which I had left there overnight. I noticed I had a voice message and was delighted to hear it was from my goddaughter Angela, who had just gotten a new white bunny. She'd called on their way home, and when I called her back, she'd just gotten home. So after sharing a few words of excitement, I promised to call back Sunday and find out more about her new pet. The day was clearly getting better.

The meeting was well under way when I got there. It's a meeting that studies what is known as the "Big Book" of Alcoholics Anonymous. We read a woman's account of what she was like, what happened, and what it's like now; basically, it was about how she got out of the rut. It mentioned that the book doesn't include chapters on "Into Thinking" or "Into Feeling," but it does have one on "Into Action." I needed to read that. It really spoke to me since I'd already realized from my writing that, eventually, the way out a rut is to take new action. It's OK to rest a while, but eventually you have to act. Not only trust and have faith, but put faith into action with obedience.

After the meeting, I went to the Wildlife Expo, mainly because my mom suggested that, "Of course you should go, to support Gene," who is heavily involved in the three-day event put on by his employer. It turned out that it was helpful for him that I got there when I did. I think he was surprised to see me, but glad. About the time my help was no longer needed and I was faced with wandering around the Expo by myself, wondering why I never find someone to come with me (it's clearly an event to enjoy with kids, grandkids or at least friends), a kindred spirit arrived who also would have ended up just wandering around by herself while her son worked at Gene's booth. So, Patty, whom I know from when her family attended our church, as well as from their continued involvement with Gene and his bass club, walked around together, observing the people and catching up on each other's lives, families and friends. It was very, very good.

When I got into my car to leave, I turned on the radio and the Texas Rangers game was on (of course I knew I was missing it while I was at the Expo). This was a day they could clinch the American League West pennant with a win. I think they were ahead when I turned it on, then they got behind, then they got ahead again, many of the lead changes coming on the most unlikely of plays. They finally won the game right as I arrived home. So, all I could watch was the celebration and highlights. It seems that happens a lot: Teams I like play better (or at least have better results) when I don't take the time to watch them. But I enjoy watching. I do think there's a lesson for me if I'd just learn it. (It's tied to something shared at the recovery meeting earlier in the day, about priorities and what's important and doing the right thing. I KNOW that watching ballgames on TV is not the priority or right thing when other things beckon, but it sure seems to be my first choice a lot of times, especially at the end of a long workday or a Saturday when I just want to hang out at the house.)

For some reason, after that, I cooked supper, something I'm doing more often but still not a lot. Gene appreciated that when he got home.

I think the bottom line of all this is something I realized at the meeting and also wrote about previously: The unfolding of the day confirmed that eventually, the way out a rut is to take new action. It's OK to rest a while, but eventually you have to act. Not only trust and have faith, but put faith into action with obedience.

(I started this Wednesday or Thursday night, when it was still September and I really didn't have time but I had desire. Before I finished, though, the desire left, too. This morning, when I read over what I had started, I decided I needed to finish it and post it, even if it's rough and rambling.)