Seeking to sleep in heavenly peace on Earth

OK, what is up with this? Some time ago, the preacher acknowledged being an insomniac, and now the choir director is experiencing episodes of sleepless nights.

I am not an insomniac. I do sometimes have trouble sleeping. And I can remember times when it was much worse.

Somewhere along the way, I found that, for me, I'm usually better off staying in bed and resting rather than deciding I might as well get up and do something, or maybe deciding that reading, watching TV, getting on the computer or Facebook or listening to music will help me doze off. Those may work for some people, but they just seem to stimulate me and make it harder to calm my mind and go to sleep. (However, it does seem something different would be at play if I used the time when I can't sleep to clean house, write letters or some other productive rather than mindless pursuit. But few people choose those routes when they can't sleep. Very seldom have I.)

I'm not sure where I learned this. It may have been along the 12-step path of recovery. I just know I've come to believe that, most times, God provides the rest I need if I stay in bed; pray and keep as positive thoughts as possible (counting my blessings helps); try not to worry -- especially about not being able to sleep; and keep my body as relaxed and comfortable as possible.

Part of my prayer is for faith to believe this is true: I pray for faith to believe that God will provide the rest and strength and energy I need -- or He will provide other options regarding what I thought had to be done that I can't do for lack of sleep.

This also has helped me stay calmer when I'm unable to sleep because of sickness or pain.

This is one of those insights that I'm hesitant to share, for fear it will quit working, and then I'll not only be unable to rest, but I'll feel foolish for having thought I had an answer and written about it. But that's the old fear. Faith says I can feel free to share it -- and trust that it will continue to work for me or that God will show me a new way.

I trust God to give me the rest, peace and strength I need.

"Thou wilt keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on Thee." Isaiah 26:3
("You will keep in perfect peace him whose mind is steadfast, because he trusts in You.")

Giving thanks -- and feeling peace

Somewhere in the first week of November, I realized that several of my Facebook friends were making posts each day of the month stating something for which they are grateful. I've enjoyed reading along. I may try to do something like that next year. As it is, they have helped me look beyond the usual to see things each day for which I am grateful.

I say "look beyond the usual" because I realized on Saturday that gratitude has become an integral part of my daily life. At my 12-step meeting Saturday, I was able to think back clearly to when I didn't have such a deep-rooted sense of gratitude. For many years of my life, this was my predicament: I knew I was blessed. I could see blessings all around me. How could I not feel grateful and blessed? But for whatever reasons, I didn't. I wanted to feel grateful, but it was a longing, not a reality. Some of the 12-step literature reminded me of the process I went through to recognize things that blocked me from feeling grateful. Chief among them: resentment and self-pity, along with a heaping helping of depression. Again, I didn't intend to have those feelings/nonfeelings, but I did.

Through a lot of self-examination, prayer, working with others (some therapy and medicine helped, too), I guess I gradually developed a faith that helped me let go of the resentments and to trust God and to see and feel His very real presence and power in my life. And somewhere along the way, instead of just thinking I ought to feel grateful and wanting to feel grateful, I found myself feeling grateful and blessed, even when I didn't like a particular circumstance or outcome. I became able to see past a situation to focus on God and His love and presence. How could I not feel blessed? How could my heart not sing?

A result of that, for today, is a peace that truly surpasses my understanding. One of the spiritual networks I'm on includes a daily email. For the past week, it focused on Isaiah 26:3: "You will keep in perfect peace him whose mind is steadfast, because he trusts in You." (Or, as it is in my mind from a song I once sang but don't still have the music for: "Thou wilt keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on Thee.") I don't remember whether any of those messages made the connection between gratitude and peace, but as I sat in my meeting and was thinking of how an attitude of gratitude went hand-in-hand with letting go of self-pity, resentment and even depression, the awareness I had was that the result is peace. And I feel grateful for the peace.

What a wonderful cycle: Look for things for which to express gratitude to God, let go of self-pity and resentment, and feel God's peace. Look for and see more blessings all around (if you don't think you see any, one easy solution is to reach out and do something kind for someone), express gratitude to God, feel more peace -- and some joy, too!

My heart and soul continue to be filled with a warmth and peace that is beyond my understanding or ability to explain. All I can do is say thank You, God. Please help me keep my focus on You, to Your glory, during this particular season of Thanksgiving and always.

Keeping the faith during stressful reality

Psalmcat 51:1.15.11

I was brutally reminded by my body on Monday at work that faith and positive thoughts don't always -- immediately -- overcome the physical effects of stress. But seeking God's will and trusting Him to provide whatever I need, including knowledge of His way and strength and wisdom to adhere to that path, is my only effective option. And I continue to be reminded that it works.

I was already thinking I would have to blog about this topic when a friend posted this on Facebook: "Not sleeping well...stress is slowly trying to kill me...hope you all have a great day!!!"
Others also posted about emotional, stressful and painful days. I think we all hate to post anything negative, but it does seem that sometimes it is the right thing to do, because it allows others to offer support. And that support helps. And at least as regarded myself and my friends this past week, posting also helped the person find a positive focus.

The morning after my worst day of the week, Scripture and devotional readings provided much guidance and assurance:

-- Lord God, according to Your Word, if I wholeheartedly commit whatever I do to You, my plans will succeed (Prov. 16:3). I acknowledge that the heart of committing any plan to You is seeking YOUR plan. Show me the right path, Father! (From my daily devotional by Beth Moore; timely words for me)

-- My Scriptures included Genesis 22 (God testing Abraham and finding him faithful); Psalm 6:6-10: The Lord has heard my cry for help ....; Proverbs 3:5-6: Trust in the Lord with all your heart .... ; and Matthew 8:18-34, including Jesus calming the storm.

After enduring that night of work Monday in which my body was in major stress pain and my mind almost as bad, Tuesday was much better. As I tried to think of what was different, I finally realized it was this simple: God is faithful. He keeps His promises. Some days will be better than others but God is always good and will see me through when I continue to seek Him and to live to His glory.

The rest of the week seemed to be going pretty well, but then Friday brought a lot more frustration and doubts about whether it really is worthwhile to keep trying to do what I think is the right thing. It was a day in which it seemed like no good effort would go unpunished. I hated that I felt so resentful and full of self-pity, but when that is how I feel, denial just compounds the problem. So I just kept praying for God to help me understand and to keep the faith, even when it seemed again like a pointless effort.

Today, I received some answers. Although I don't particularly like them in the short run, I know they bring positive results in the long run. And those positive results are already occurring. The study at my 12-step meeting was about turning our will and our lives over to the care of God and then taking a personal inventory to find out what within us is standing in the way of our usefulness to God and our fellows. The book spells it out clearly, and my experience also bears it out.

Resentment and self-pity may seem justified, but they provide no positive results. But what can I do about them? The book affirmed what I know: I cannot wish them away. But I can ask God to remove them. And He will. I know that, but sometimes I forget. Or maybe sometimes I don't want to let go right away. It helped me to think of how God really has taken these negative feelings away in the past and how freeing that has been to my mind and spirit.

The book also reminded me that God does provide what I need. He sees the big picture. I can trust that God knew I didn't need some recognition I thought I deserved yesterday. And I can also see that God knew I needed to head home after 11 hours of work even though there was more to be done; He helped me see and trust that others who hadn't been there as long could finish it. And then He guided me safely home.

As I was driving home from work after 1 o'clock this morning, my thought was that I do have faith in God and that I'm grateful for that. I was thinking that I have come to trust God completely, although sometimes I forget that, too. I was thinking that it's not a matter of trust, but a matter of not knowing for sure what God wants me to do. But even in my tiredness in that 30-minute drive home, it also occurred to me that perhaps the reason I can't discern for sure what God wants me to do is because I don't trust Him completely. Perhaps my fear and rebellion and self-will keep me in denial. But that's a topic for another day.

For now, I'm just grateful that even though some circumstances continue to be less than ideal, God meets my every need, often through the love and support of my family, friends and colleagues. And as that happens, I continue to respond by doing what I can to share and help others.