Daily to-do list built around the letter L

--Love. It's a choice. It's an action. I choose to do it.
--Learn. Watch someone do something that seemed impossible. How does she keep going in the face of such difficult odds? How could he play through that pain? Surely I can keep working through my discomfort. By doing so, I learn that it's true.
--Let go. Whatever is driving me nuts, just let it go. If it at first I don't succeed in letting it go, do it again. Let it go. Let it go ...
--Let God. He will take those burdens if I will let him. But I also need to "let God" have my heart, my praise, my service, my thoughts, my words, my actions -- indeed, my very life!
--Laugh. If I don't think I can laugh, then at least force or even fake a smile. And then another. If it feels really stupid to do this, I can get out my camera phone and take a picture of that goofy smile and send it to some trusted friend or loved one. It probably won't be long before I am laughing at and with myself. And if I can reach out and share a laugh, that's even better.
--Live. Breathe in deeply and live life to the fullest.

Readings that have helped me keep going this week

From Beth Moore's Praying God's Word Day by Day Aug. 16 (my Mom's birthday)
Beth's quote: "Allow your circumstances and weaknesses to do the job God has sent them to do -- provoke humility."
Praying from the Word:
Do not be far from me, Lord, for trouble is near and there is no one to help ... They feel like roaring lions tearing their prey open, their mouths wide against me (Psalm 22:11,13).
But to You, O Lord, I left up my soul; in You I trust, O my God. Do not let me be put to shame, nor let my enemies triumph over me (Psalm 25:1-2).
Guard my life and rescue me, O Lord. Let me not be put to shame, for I take refuge in You. May integrity and uprightness protect me, because my hope is in You (Psalm 25:20-21).

And today, Aug. 19, praying from the Word:
Mighty God, help me to understand that I've been called by You to walk by faith and not by sight (2 Corinthians 5:7). Strengthen my spiritual vision, Lord!

And this is from the Overeaters Anonymous "For Today" devotional booklet for Aug. 18:
"Life offers me treasures beyond imagining, here and now. They are there for me to take and use with the God-given talents and skills and energy I possess today. My enthusiasm is the digging tool. I dig into the actual for the sheer love of digging; therefore, the fact that there may be something better tomorrow is irrelevant. I will be here, digging into life and getting something out of it today. ... The right way to live is to live as fully as I can today; to take what possbilities there are and make of them what I can."

Pacesetters

My Dad turned 85 yesterday (Sunday), and he's scheduled to get a pacemaker tomorrow (Tuesday). I'd say for someone with an irregular heartbeat, that apparently can get real slow sometimes nowadays, he's done a great job throughout life of keeping on keeping on and setting a good example for those who are watching, such as this daughter. And Mom's right there with him, day by day showing that life's too short not to stay active and treasure each moment.

I feel so blessed when I get to spend time with them, such as this past Saturday and Sunday. Mom had a get-together with some of the family Saturday at their house. Not all of the kids were there right then, but all had been by to visit in the past week. We all enjoy visiting each other, but it also seems good for Mom and Dad when we space out our visits rather than all come at once. Saturday was nice though. The weather was warm enough for people to sit around outside, on the north side of the house, shielded somewhat from the brisk south wind. As darkness fell, there was even a super moon to provide atmosphere! The dry weather and north Texas burn ban meant no candles on the cake, but that was OK, too.

Sunday brought worship with Mom and Dad, my brother and sister-in-law and one of their daughters, and a sister and brother-in-law and their daughter-in-law at the church we grew up in. I'd planned to be there ever since I realized Daddy's birthday was on a Sunday. I planned far enough ahead that I was able to provide special music, singing "His Eye Is on the Sparrow," filling a request for a church member who is also a relative. I may have even had a breakthrough singing there this time. It's where I grew up singing and wanting to sing, but somewhere along the way, I lost confidence. And even as I gained confidence singing other places, I'd become aware that when I sing during worship at Whaley, some of the old nervousness and doubt kicks in. But I prayed about it and really tried to just get lost in the words: Let not your heart be troubled/ His tender words I hear/ And resting in His goodness/ I lose all doubt and fear .... I sing because I'm happy/ I sing because I'm free/ His eye is on the sparrow/ And I know He watches me. I truly felt the joy and blessing of the song, and I'm grateful for that.

Besides the words of the song, I also was encouraged by another example from my pacesetter mom. She had set her mind to having Daddy's party at their house, even though it's not as roomy as some others that are pretty easily available. Even on Saturday, as the crowd grew, a comment was made that this could have been somewhere else. But Mom said she wanted to have it there, so Daddy didn't have to go anywhere. And she said she knew it would work. And it did. How I love that faith and spirit. I'm trying to hold onto it.

As for my Dad, in some ways he seemed as strong or stronger this weekend as I've seen him since his lung surgery last fall, and maybe for some time before that. The thought crossed my mind: Does he really need a pacemaker? But I do understand the need. And I appreciate that he and Mom are willing to do things to keep them as healthy as they can be. I'm still working to learn from that example for myself.

So, soon my pacesetting parents will have a pacemaker to help them out. (I say help them out because if it's good for Daddy, that's good for Mom.) Now I'll never be able to keep up! But I feel grateful and blessed for the pace they have set and my willingness to keep trying.

Trying to write my way out of a rut

I've fallen into a rut, and I do not like it, but I'm having a hard time getting out. I'm not sure I'm even trying. I tell myself I want out of the rut -- that I want things to change -- but I'm not really doing anything to make that happen. In fact, that's the essence of the rut: too much thinking and not enough action. So here I go again, writing about my thoughts instead of taking action!

Where to begin?
My dad has cancer. The tumor was found in a routine X-ray Aug. 11. After many tests, the cancer diagnosis came Sept. 9. So far, this experience seems amazingly positive: the family pulling together, witnessing the indomitable spirit of my dad and my mom, taking time to express our love and count our blessings. And truth be told, Daddy's not any closer to dying than he was before we knew he had cancer. That first X-ray wasn't a result of a cancer symptom; it was just a routine check. And aren't we all dying anyway? BUT -- the thing that seems to be true is that even though I know all of this and see so many blessings and so much to be grateful for, there is a deep inner part of me that is grieving, protesting, fighting the realities of aging and eventual loss. And the exhaustion makes its way to the surface.

My job. Circumstances seem to make it impossible to do good work with good results, and many people seem to have accepted that and just do what they can. I've not reached that point yet. For now, the process of trying to do the best I can and not worry about the results is exhausting. And, unfortunately, I carry it with me when I leave the office.

Personal life. What a mess I am. Messy purse. Messy house. Messy car. Messy desk. Disarray. Dust. Cat hair. And now ants! Missed opportunities. Lost treasures. Wasted moments. Lack of attention to important relationships. Easily distracted by football, baseball, television, the computer and even the newspaper.

My spirit is weary.

The positives outweigh the negatives by so much that I feel somewhat ashamed or embarrassed to even write about the negatives. But a constant that stays with me as I continue reading the Bible and praying to know and do God's will is that He seems to be calling me to write about this stuff. It may seem pointless and ineffective. But I think of the guy in the Bible who was told to wash himself seven times, and the ones who were told to march around Jericho a certain number of times, and even Noah building that ark. They probably thought those instructions seemed pretty pointless, too. But God rewarded their faith. And how did God know their faith? Through their obedience. And so I speak and express and write and "publish." I sing and sometimes upload songs on YouTube. I don't shy away from negative realities at work and in other areas of life, but I try to address them in search of solutions. And even as I do that, I try to let go and let God.

At the end of another day, I'm reminded that life is good. I hope to find words soon to share some of the specific things that happened today that reminded me of the goodness of life and the greatness of God. Until then, I'll leave it with a Scripture verse.

Through the Lord's mercies we are not consumed,
Because His compassions fail not.
They are new every morning;
Great is Your faithfulness." Lamentations 3:22-23