Mother's Day reflections

There were times in my life I didn't really give much thought to whether I'd ever have kids. Especially when I was in college and dating and even after I was engaged, the thought of focusing on career and spouse  instead of raising a family seemed as instinctive as anything maternal. 

I won't go into the details of when and how that changed, but by time I was 35, I was pretty sure I would never be a mother. And by then, I wasn't happy about it. 

I went through a period where  Mother's Days and many other family, work and church events, especially those involving stages of growing families, carried some bitter along with the wonderful sweetness. I regretted decisions I had made that seemed to have led to this fate, but I also wondered if maybe God didn't think I would have been a good mother. After all, He knows I can barely take care of me and my own stuff; how could He have entrusted me with precious new lives? But I would look around at the wide range of women having children, some seeming far less capable than me, and again not understand why I couldn't be one of them. After all, doesn't God equip us for the roles He gives us? 

OK, then, maybe, for whatever reason, the role God equipped me for wasn't to be a Mom but rather to be a searcher, an observer and, eventually, a supporter.  I'm not sure I fill those roles much better than I do the role of personal caretaker.  But as my faith continues to grow, I feel peace with where I am in relationship to my husband, my parents, my siblings and extended family and friends.

There are so many ways in all of these relationships that I would like to be more -- more supportive, more helpful, more consistent, more reliable. I continue to pray to grow in  all of these relationships -- and beyond -- to God's glory. He continues to show me the blessings of such growth and that gives me hope that all things are possible in my relationships (including self and self-care) if I stay focused on God. 

I'm not a mom, but today was a great Mother's Day. So much love of mothers and grandmothers and greats and other special women was shared among family and friends. I hope and pray everyone was able to experience some blessings and precious memories today. 

Happy Mother's Day

Through the years, I've written many words for Mother's Day. I had hoped to add a chapter today. Instead, I'll just offer a link to another gift my mother gave me. Happy Mother's Day.

"My Mother's Faith," sung by Patricia. Adapted from a song by Kasia Livingston recorded by Cynthia Clawson on her 1999 "Broken" album.

Before singing this at church today, I mentioned how most of us who have grown up "in church" have benefited from the faith of many mothers. And I suggested we take a moment to say prayers for women and families who grew up without connections to such women of faith. It actually turned out to tie in with the sermon (starting at Revelation 21:22 and continuing through about Revelation 22:5), in which the pastor talked about doing what we can in our daily lives to be leaves of healing in the world.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Mn2HGXl_F6o