October 2020 ends with me getting a flu shot, voting in-person absentee, forgoing opening the door to trick-or-treaters, watching a blue moon rise and then watching the Aggies win.
Nothing seems right. And yet I know everything is OK. God is in control. The difference between my yesterday and today held evidence that I am not in charge. Things go better when I do what I can and don’t worry about the rest. Worry is my default. It’s a habit I hope to break. One day like today at a time.
Two or three weeks ago, the sermon was on the parable of the prodigal son. The pastor is preaching a series on the parables that takes a fresh look at some of the stories Jesus told His followers and what we can learn from them today.
Pastor Desi started the series Oct. 11 with three parables about counting. Surprisingly, the third one was the parable of the prodigal son. Seeing it from the perspective of a father who forgot to count both of his sons when the prodigal one returned resonated with some lingering hurt in my soul as I identified with the son who had not left home and who had not squandered his inheritance.
And yet, something didn't sit right with the interpretation that focused on the father's failure to consider this son's feelings. Which was OK, because both Pastor Desi and author Amy-Jill Levine, on whose book "Short Stories by Jesus" the sermon series is based, noted that the Scriptures don't say whether the son goes to the party for his brother. The hearer is left to contemplate the possibilities.
Last Thursday, as I was driving to a friend's house, a phrase in a Casting Crowns' song grabbed my attention. I'd heard "Start Right Here" many times without really hearing these lines:
“I'm like the brother of the prodigal
“Who turned his nose and puffed his chest
“He didn't run off like his brother
“But his soul was just as dead“
The message I needed to hear came through loud and clear. Even if or even though all of those other things were true (about both sons and the father), nothing short of puffed up pride and a soul dead to Christ's love would keep a sibling from rejoicing with his father over the one who returns.
So I'm going to believe that's what the brother did. And I'm going to believe that's what I'm called to do as well.
God is so good! All the time. Even when I lose sight of His goodness.
God is always good. God is always working for good.
Sometimes it seems I make it harder for God to work things for good.
I'm trying to embrace the idea that possibly situations I see as me making things harder than they need to be are in fact just God working for good. I know there are lots of moving parts in His creation, especially since His creation includes a whole slew of men and woman to whom He has given free will.
Regardless of whether some of my detours in life are due to my stubbornness or God's will for good, I'm grateful for recent reminders that God is faithful and trustworthy. May I never forget -- especially when things don't turn out as I would prefer. I'm aware that these recent examples are cases where the outcome pleased me, although I also can acknowledge some of the obstacles along the way did not trip me up as much as when I have been less focused on God.
I thought the major miracle -- answer to prayer -- today, Oct. 18. would be the gift of peace throughout the hours leading up to the Cleveland County CROP Walk for Hunger. Indeed, God answered that prayer miraculously, with people continuing to step up to help and also to give generously in support of the cause. And the weather, although cold, windy and a bit damp, did not stop the walk. Along the way, I was able to let go several of the details I typically worry needlessly about.
I guess that was the true miracle, and I am extremely grateful. The rest of the day, I've continued to thank God for keeping me in His care, and I've been praying to know how to keep focusing on Him and trusting in Him and His goodness, to His glory. I know my track record, how easy it is for me to lose focus even after, or especially after, mountaintop experiences.
That brings me to what I was going to describe as the real miracle. Instead, it was a delightful surprise, the kind only God can orchestrate. I had told the music director last Sunday that I would be willing and able to sing a solo this Sunday, since I knew I would be at worship today. But whenever I tried to think of a song to sing on Monday or Tuesday, no inspiration came, and mounting anxiety about the CROP Walk and a couple of other concerns during the week made the thought of preparing to sing seem daunting.
I wrestled a bit with what to do, knowing that it would probably work out OK if I went ahead and sang. But I also felt certain it would be OK to let the music director know this wasn't the best time for me to sing. Seemingly surprisingly quickly for me, I texted him Wednesday morning and said I realized this wouldn't be a good time for me to sing, because I was distracted by the CROP Walk preparation. He said that would be fine. I felt relieved. And grateful. It only crossed my mind a couple of times after that to wonder if I should have gone ahead and worked up a song. Each time, I was able to affirm my decision.
I don't remember all the details of what happened today between the 9 a.m. drive-in worship service and the 10:15 hymn sing with Kenneith and Sylvia. But as I was waiting in the sanctuary between the services, I heard Kenneith sight-reading "my song." I had mixed feelings: If I'd known that's the song, I could have done that without even practicing, was my first thought. A second thought was that he's so talented, why did he have to sing "my" song? Fortunately, I was able to have positive thoughts and look forward to hearing him sing "On Eagles' Wings."
About that time, I heard him struggling a bit with a couple of lines. Either me or the accompanist, who has played for me numerous times, blurted out some comment about my singing it. (I think I said something like, I just sing it my own way, and Sylvia follows.) When Kenneith realized it's a song I know, he said I should sing with him. I said, nah, he should sing it. He kept encouraging me and seeming very excited to sing as a duet. So I said I would if he thought it was OK. They set up another microphone, we ran through the song two or three times, then we sang during worship. My heart rejoiced to partake of the words and melody and harmony.
He kidded me that I thought I was getting out of singing and that God apparently had other plans.
I agree that God had a clear hand in what happened. I ended up singing I song I can sing without practicing -- and I avoided the stress of choosing a song and wondering whether I had practiced enough. And I avoided the stress of worrying about what I looked like -- fussing with my hair or what to wear. I had dressed for CROP Walk, which is a T-shirt and jeans, no makeup and little attention to my hair -- not my usual worship look. AND IT WAS FINE!!!!!
God, please help me take these gifts and lessons to heart, so that I will trust You more and more, to live joyously and freely for You, to Your glory.
(The prayer was another variation of the one I posted Oct. 15: Heavenly
Father, please help me trust that You are in control & working for
good. Help me believe or at least act as if it is possible everything is
exactly as it should be. That I’ll do & am doing what I need to do
today regarding the CROP Walk — I can trust that what I do is enough;
that I’ll value the sport & goodness of the players more than who
wins or loses, in BASS as well as football; that I’ll be what You &
Gene need me to be for Gene; that today is exactly as it is supposed to
be. I know so much is good. Help me trust that it is all good, & I
am doing & being what You need me to do & be — all
these things & more made possible by You, God, being God, & me
getting out of the way & not doubting. Me focusing on You & Your
truths, & giving You thanks & praise. In Jesus’ name. Amen.)
Heavenly Father, please help me trust that You are in control & working for good. Help me believe or at least act as if it is possible everything is exactly as it should be. ... I know so much is good. Help me trust that it is all good, & I am doing & being what You needed me to do & be — all these things & more made possible by You, God, being God, & me getting out of the way & not doubting. Me focusing on You & Your truths, & giving You thanks & praise. In Jesus’ name. Amen.
It’s time to write again. The weather has been outstanding, with cool nights conducive to sleeping with windows open, and afternoons just within the heat boundary for pleasant rides with the top down on the Mustang.
Tomorrow looks great for fishing.
I’m grateful for simple pleasures.
What a difference a day makes.
The last day of September, I guess I was dizzy from the roller coaster ride of travel, time changes and expectations. A little altitude sickness and jet lag may have factored in.
Gratefully, on the first day of October, I’m still far from home, but everything looks and feels better. Hope springs anew. Faith doesn’t seem like such a leap.
Thank You, Gracious Heavenly Father!
