Just in case

 I can’t let 2020 end without making a space to reflect, just in case. 

Ending well

 I’ve ended 2020 by completing the “Bible in One Year with Nicky Gumbel,” a Bible reading plan on the YouVersion Bible app. 

I had to catch up on about 25 days of reading in 3 days. (I missed about 3 weeks in March-April and struggled the rest of the year to get and stay caught up.) I am grateful to have made the commitment to finish. There is still much I don’t understand in the Bible, especially Revelation. I’m seeing that more becomes clear each time I read and study. 

The final day’s commentary was about “how to begin and end,“ guidance I’m always seeking as one year transitions to another. 

The Scriptures included Psalm 150, Nehemiah 13 and Revelation 22.  In a nutshell: Begin and end with Jesus, with the love of God and with worship. 

— From Psalm 150: Begin and end with worship. 

Praise the Lord! Hallelujah! 
Praise the Lord!
Everyone. 
Everywhere. 
All the time. 
In all ways. 
For everything. 
Praise the Lord! Hallelujah!

— Nehemiah, like the Bible as a whole, begins and ends with prayers grounded in God’s love. “O Lord, God of heaven, the great and awesome God, who keeps His covenant of love ...” Nehemiah 1:5

“Remember me for this also, O my God, and show mercy to me according to Your great love.” Nehemiah 13:22

— Revelation 22: Begin and end with Jesus. 

“In the beginning, God ...” Genesis 1:1 
“In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God ... Through Him all things were made.” John 1:1,3
“The Word became flesh and lived among us, and we have seen His glory ... full of grace and truth.” John 1:14

“I am the Alpha and the Omega, the first and the last, the beginning and the end.” Revelation 22:13

“”Surely I am coming soon.”
“Amen. Come, Lord Jesus! The grace of the Lord Jesus be with all the saints. Amen.” Revelation 22:20b-21

When I finished reading, I felt exhausted, humbled, blessed, grateful, hopeful, confident in the Lord, loved. I am His! Hallelujah! Praise the Lord!

In making it a priority to finish reading through the Bible with this plan and commentary, I let go of many of my usual New Year’s Eve rituals and expectations.  

This will be my year-end blog post and my social media post (a shortened version). Any attempts for a profound look back at 2020 will come at another time, if at all. It’s time now to wish a friend Happy Birthday, then focus my attention on my beloved husband as we bid farewell to 2020 and prepare to greet 2021, in all things giving thanks to God! 

Wrapping up Christmas

Worship this Sunday after Christmas at Whaley United Methodist Church was a wonderful service of lessons and carols. I enjoyed sitting and singing with a chorus of young angels! Heidi, Madison and Ryan love the carols, as do I. It was a good way to end a few days in Texas for Christmas that included masked moments with extended family and church friends. 

Now it’s time to finish addressing and delivering (by dropping off or mailing) Christmas cards and gifts to other family members and friends, then wind down 2020 and prepare for a good start to 2021. Sounds like another busy week to me! I’m getting on my knees as soon as I post this, to pray for God to keep my focus and use my resources on His plans rather than my own. 

#Forever grateful

The Advent photo challenge word for Christmas Day was #Forever. 

The first thing that came to mind was the phrase that repeats in Handel’s “Hallelujah Chorus,” that “He shall reign #forever and ever.” Christ reigns in Love. Christ was God’s gift of Love. God, Christ and Love are eternal. Alpha & Omega, beginning and end. #Forever. 

The image I envisioned was something with a cross and a heart. It was harder than I expected to find the two images together, without having to worry about copyrights; dare I say it seemed to take #forever? As far as i can tell, what I found was available free on Unsplash.com.

A less spiritual concept of #forever for today was how long it will take me to see and respond to all the Christmas greetings I received from friends!! 

I decided to post just the cross and heart image for the challenge, then do this blog post with “the rest of the story.” 

Beware: The story that resulted may take #forever to tell, and I’m unlikely to finish it here. In fact, I’m self-censoring as I write!

I’m realizing it may take #forever for me to figure out what or who God created me to do and be: and where I fit in to His plans and my surroundings. 

I recently began to try to take ownership of how I am — the way my brain works (and doesn’t); and that I think too much (over analyze) and talk a lot. 

Worse yet, it became clear that part of my excessive talking happens as I’m overanalyzing. Apparently, not many people care to hear the mess in my mind that I’m sorting out.

This would be great information for me to have, except for one problem: When I don’t do the talking (or writing) to explain myself, including my thought process, I’m often misunderstood. That also happened today. (There’s actually another problem, too, but I’ll skip that for now.)

Good news is I owned it — I said, yes, it’s how I am. And I said I’m grateful for people who understand and-or don’t mind listening. (Although the second thoughts are likely to return for a while as I ponder: Maybe the ones I thought understand or don’t mind listening are really just putting up with me out of pity!!!). 

Self-doubt was triggered again when I was questioned about why I posted to social media several of the photos taken trying to capture a single image. I had my reasons, but I did not explain them in the post. 

I posted 8 or 9 photos because I couldn’t decide; plus, I wanted to be sure others in the photos could pick the ones they liked the best. Of course, I had debated this in my mind a few minutes, trying to avoid posting so many. And I was tempted to explain why I did. But I ended up just posting at the time, trying to cut off the excessive thinking. 

So, it seems like I can’t win. Because I’m also sure, if I had just posted one, someone would not have liked my choice. 

So, I guess some of the takeaways are that I can’t please everyone and sometimes seem unable to please anyone. Maybe that’s what it will take to  eventually accept that I might as well not worry about pleasing others, and instead just be me and trust God with the results!

But that may take #forever!

(And as the writer/talker keeps on going, I’ll add that I know I’m doing in this post exactly what others have pointed out is problematic. And on top of that, it’s Christmas. I wanted to stay focused on Christ and love: It’s not about me; it’s about Him! And so, once more and #forever, I cling with humble gratitude to God’s grace and love.) 

#rethinkchurch #GoodrichAdvent2020 #umcRethinkChurch #unitedmethodistchurch #ComfortsofChristmas2020 

Christmas Eve: #Word

Christmas Eve. This year was different and the same. I am grateful for precious, quiet moments of sharing and remembering with my husband in Norman before we headed to Texas. More precious  (and less quiet) moments followed in Texas, spent safely, I hope and pray, celebrating God’s gift of His Son, born as a human baby Who would be our Savior and Redeemer. 

Different is because of COVID and social distancing and masks and uncertainty. The same because Gene & I still came to Texas and attended a Christmas Eve service and spent time with family, wearing masks and being cautious in public gatherings including church. 

The same because I still don’t know how to express all that’s in my heart at this time. Perhaps more gratitude than joy. I think that’s OK. Maybe it is joy and I’m expecting it to feel like something else — happiness, perhaps, or satisfaction, contentment or completeness.

One way I share joy is through song, and as often happens, song opportunities stirred some confusion for me. I get to continue to ask God for forgiveness regarding some of my choices and reactions. I am grateful to receive His grace. 

And where does social media fit in?    

Another area of sameness is awareness of my self-focus and greed. And then I top that with the thought (second-guessing again!) that even writing about this is self-focused. 

Lord! Please help me! And thank You, because I know You are! 

Advent photo challenge Day 25: #Word. 

Will I depict a celebration of the #Word made flesh, to dwell among us? Or will I depict a #word (family) that is so important to me, which will take several pictures and still not include everyone, especially since it includes not only my mother, husband, sisters, brother and the extended loved ones, but also my church families? These images and a video capture a bit of both. 

#rethinkchurch #GoodrichAdvent2020 #umcRethinkChurch #unitedmethodistchurch #ComfortsofChristmas2020

#Moving along

Advent photo challenge Day 24: #Moving. 

This may be the hardest yet for me. It’s been in the back of my mind since morning, and at 9:45 p.m. I still had no strong image. Among the concepts that came to mind were some of the amazing, emotionally #moving, soul-stirring geothermal features we saw at Yellowstone National Park in the fall. But I had my doubts the movement would translate to a photo. Then there was the movement of the leaves in today’s gusty winds. And throughout the day has been the awareness of God’s spirit #moving in and around me, in people, in music, in nature. But how do I show that in a picture? Since it’s time for me to be #moving on to the next part of my day (bedtime), I need to quit thinking and start posting! The Yellowstone image I decided on is not the one I originally thought of but is without a doubt #moving (confirmed by the video). 

#rethinkchurch #GoodrichAdvent2020 #umcRethinkChurch #unitedmethodistchurch #ComfortsofChristmas2020

The rest of this story is what I also composed but deleted, perhaps to be used tomorrow:

I thought this challenge would get easier as we got closer to Christmas, but no, the words became less obvious. (Tomorrow’s word is Word. I already know people will say that should be simple. Tell it to my brain!!) 

And then, after I selected the photo and video and posted them, it didn’t seem so hard. 

One of the things for which I’m most grateful is the new (for me) experience of not too badly second-guessing myself after I’ve posted. Knowing I can share more thoughts on the blog or in comments helps. And, unlike what I thought would happen, I don’t think I’ve ever come up with a clearly better idea after I posted. 

A time to build up



Advent photo challenge Day 23: #Build.

This is what I was trying to find an image to represent:

One day, one choice, one act at a time is how you build a habit, a life, a relationship. 

This is what I ended up using with photos of our new fence and the panels that were torn down:

“For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven ... a time to break down and a time to build ...” (Ecclesiastes 3:1,3b)

#rethinkchurch #GoodrichAdvent2020 #umcRethinkChurch #unitedmethodistchurch #ComfortsofChristmas2020 

The rest of the story:

Much of today was spend in work to build a stronger, more effective foundation for my life and marriage. Rather than search for a more creative picture to represent my husband and me exploring goals and priorities, I took the quicker and easier approach of using pictures I had taken Monday of the new fence that replaced one that had fallen into disrepair on the north side of our home. 

It’s a good time to build up areas of weakness. I am grateful to have my husband as my partner. 

#given and received

This one was unexpected. 

Advent photo challenge Day 22. #Given.

I was #given this coin by a woman walking in my neighborhood today. Its message should be a #given, as in an established fact in my life. Yet it never hurts to be reminded, especially #given the delightful distractions of the Christmas season. 

#rethinkchurch #GoodrichAdvent2020 #umcRethinkChurch #unitedmethodistchurch #ComfortsofChristmas2020

The rest of the story ... 

I wasn’t going to walk. I got the mail and as I was getting the trash bin to pull from the curb to the house, a woman walking by said she found that coin and wanted to give it to me. 

As it turns out, she didn’t find it but is going around giving them to people. Doesn’t matter. What I was given was a message always worth remembering. It’s not about me. It’s about Him. 

Earlier, my main thought regarding the Advent word of the day was this: 

From those to whom much has been given, much is expected. 

And evidence that:

I have been given the Holy Spirit. 

“Given” also is used to refer to a certainty, a known fact. 

A known or established fact or situation. 

I’ll be interested in seeing what others post. I haven’t had a chance to look today. 

Reasons to exult

Advent photo challenge Day 21: #Exult. 

 #rethinkchurch #GoodrichAdvent2020 #umcRethinkChurch 

#unitedmethodistchurch #ComfortsofChristmas2020

This was another hard one. I’m writing here to help me remember why I chose these photos. 

They were inspired by Zephaniah 3:17: 

17 “The Lord your God is in your midst,
    a warrior who gives victory;
he will rejoice over you with gladness,
    he will renew you[a] in his love;
he will exult over you with loud singing.”

Plus some dictionary definitions: 



ex·ult

/iɡˈzəlt/

Learn to pronounce

verb

1. — feel or show triumphant elation or jubilation.

   "exulting in her escape, Lisa closed the door behind 

   
   

   to rejoice

   Exult means "to rejoice" or "to be openly happy about." There is a sentence in the Bible which, in one translation, uses both words. Example: And Mary said, "My soul exalts the Lord, and my spirit has exulted in God my Savior." --Luke 1:46,47.

   
   exultation is the act of exulting; lively joy at success or victory, or at any advantage gained; rapturous delight; triumph while exaltation is the act of exalting or raising high; also, the state of being exalted; elevation.

   I wanted an image or images that made me think of God singing over us. And being victorious. Today, sitting on this row at the church I grew up at and where much of my family still are members, sitting with these sweet, smiling children, made my heart sing. It felt like a victory over doubt and confusion.

   
   

   And the image from The Sound of Music represents the victory of taking time to enjoy this tradition, and also the particular image exults in the power and victory of family love.

   Now I think I also need to add pictures of my husband and my mom!

Looking for my straight path

Here’s to acknowledge I’m still not sure what image I will post today. 

These likely will be the words: 

Advent photo challenge Day 20: #Acknowledge.

5Trust in the LORD with all your heart
         And do not lean on your own understanding. 

6In all your ways acknowledge Him,
         And He will make your paths straight. (Proverbs 3:5-6)

#rethinkchurch #GoodrichAdvent2020 #umcRethinkChurch #unitedmethodistchurch #ComfortsofChristmas2020

Ideas that come to mind for the image would be something that represents a straight path from God for me. 

Music. Family. Food? My husband? Rest? 

All the joy!

 This is a placeholder post for all the joy of this day, with acknowledgement that it followed several periods of less joyful moments. I’m grateful beyond words to express that joy was able to break through my cloud. I continue to give God thanks and praise, and I trust Him to continue answering my prayer for help in my times of distress. 

Joys included the UMC virtual Christmas choir songs released earlier today, then tonight’s caroling with family and church family at Whaley. Love my husband, my mom and siblings and their families, and my church families, among so many others. 

And I love the gift of music, which today was a joyous way to praise God and share the Christmas story. 

God provides

 Advent photo challenge Day 18: #Provide.

#rethinkchurch #GoodrichAdvent2020 #umcRethinkChurch #unitedmethodistchurch #ComfortsofChristmas2020

God provides. 

God provides the way. 

God provides the way through; the way out; the way to. 

God provides everything I need. The road. The way. The strength. The food. The love. The forgiveness. The redemption. 

There is a way.

God provides. 

Comforting images

It’s kinda funny that after today’s great Advent discussion session at noon, during which I heard great ideas and creative approaches to the photo challenge, I’ve gone even more literal than usual. 

Advent photo challenge Day 17: #Comfort. 

#rethinkchurch #GoodrichAdvent2020 #umcRethinkChurch #unitedmethodistchurch #ComfortsofChristmas2020

The session helped affirm many of the lessons and blessings that have come from this challenge. 

There’s the blessing of the discipline. Just doing it. 

There’s the blessing of being surprised by what God has in store. And what He reveals. 

There’s the blessing of learning (and accepting) there’s no right or wrong way to do this.

There’s the blessing of appreciating and supporting the various approaches.  

I’ve prayed each day as I contemplate the key word. And I’ve had fun. At first, the fun was a result of having to laugh at myself for making it so hard. Now, most days the fun comes along the way as I consider various photo options. 

As usual, today’s image is not what I would have expected. “O tidings of comfort and joy” from “God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen” and “Comfort ye my people” from Scripture were the words that came to mind. 

But the image kept being this stuffed kitty my sister gave me when I was in the hospital for emergency surgery and nearly a week of recovery in January 2016. Also coming to mind were the plants we have received to provide comfort in times of sorrow. And the cross just ties it all together. 

Unexpected, perfect image of release

Today’s Advent photo challenge word definitely requires a supplemental blog post. 

The word is #release. It was on my mind all day. Ideas ranged from “Frozen” and “Let It Go” to gathering up some accumulated items (clutter) to release by donating to charity. I had yet to follow through or find an image when I saw my friend Kimbra’s Facebook post. I commented that I might want to use it, and she said that would be fine. 

I continued to consider my own ideas, but at the end of the day, her picture provided the perfect #release. 

Advent photo challenge Day 16: #Release. I had several ideas but no image for today’s word. I was quick to #release my own thoughts after I saw my friend Kimbra’a Facebook post and received her permission to use this photo, which had this caption: “Horse release. They are out for the night. The stuff is supposed to stop in a few hours. It is small pebble-like pieces of snow. They had been up all day long. The barn is open so they can go into the barn if they want to. I really don't like this weather.”

What a great representation of some of the many ways to experience #release!

#rethinkchurch #GoodrichAdvent2020 #umcRethinkChurch  #unitedmethodistchurch #ComfortsofChristmas2020

#Carry — What a privilege and blessing

There’s quite a bit more to this story. Maybe it will be revealed in an end-of-Advent post!

Advent photo challenge Day 14: #Carry. This wasn’t going to be my Advent challenge post for the day, then it was, then it wasn’t, now it is! 

Sometimes I let my overthinking #carry me away! I’m grateful for the friend I have in Jesus, and how privileged I am to be able to #carry all my joys, concerns, questions and gratitude to Him in prayer. To know that when I look back on my life and see one set of footprints in the sand instead of two, it’s because He is #carrying me. Today was one of many days He let Gene help #carry me, and I am grateful. The cute little snowman also helped carry away some despair. 

#rethinkchurch #GoodrichAdvent2020 #umcRethinkChurch  #unitedmethodistchurch #ComfortsofChristmas2020 

The rest of the story includes being recorded today, Dec. 13, singing my solo for a Christmas Eve program. It was an act of faith to sing it and trust the recorder and others who said it was fine. I didn’t insist on viewing and possibly asking for a do-over. Now I will have a sense of nervous anticipation until I see it, not unlike what I experience when I sing live for an audience. 

In the meantime, I can carry this to God in prayer, asking him to help me keep my focus on Him and replace my anxiousness with His peace. 

The rest of the story also includes some strange thing happening with a file where I keep daily notes. Last night, words started disappearing from the file. My attempts to save them were futile. I’m not sure why it happened. It triggered a range of emotions, many of them negative, about how I see myself: disorganized; inefficient; not good at remembering; unsure of what’s important. 

I’m grateful beyond words for the power of prayer and the support of my husband to carry me through one of these strange and wonderful days that included snow, omelets, worship, singing, pictures, a call to my Mom and watching “A Charlie Brown Christmas.”

May I continue to turn to prayer and acting in faith to carry me above nagging negative thoughts. With God, all things are possible. 

This might be it!

 

Advent photo challenge Day 13: #Might. 

I thought this #might be the one to make me give up on this challenge. (Of course, I’ve thought that every day so far!) 

No definitive images came to mind, although many possibilities emerged. 

The hardest part for me was choosing.

 

#Might it be an image of something strong and powerful, a #mighty animal or force of nature? Or of some remote possibility, something that #might happen? Or reminders that nothing is impossible with God, and that we are called to be “strong in the Lord, and in the power of his #might” (Ephesians 6:10)? 

#rethinkchurch #GoodrichAdvent2020 #umcRethinkChurch  #unitedmethodistchurch #ComfortsofChristmas2020

Grateful for the challenge!

 Finally! One I feel good about! It makes me grateful I didn’t give up on the challenge. 

I came so close to giving up today. 

I had to remind myself it’s a challenge. No one said it would be easy. 

I kept thinking of seemingly unrelated blessings I’ve experienced in these days, and it now seems quite possible they are not unrelated. 

One day at a time. Listen to God’s voice. The voice of truth. The voice of Emmanuel, forever and ever. 

Advent photo challenge Day 12: #Voice. So many things came to mind, starting with God speaking to Moses from a burning bush; to Elijah hearing God’s still soft voice; to the voice in the wilderness proclaiming the coming of the Savior. Oh, and one of my favorite songs, Casting Crowns’ “Voice of Truth,” which tells me to listen to the truth of the Bible and not the lies of the world. Ultimately, I had to make it personal. How am I using my voice to share the love of God and the joy of Christmas? I made a screen shot of my video recording for a virtual Christmas choir. And immediately, God gave me the gift of a TV Christmas special featuring more of my favorite voices: the women of Point of Grace with Michael W. Smith. 

#rethinkchurch #GoodrichAdvent2020 #umcRethinkChurch  #unitedmethodistchurch #ComfortsofChristmas2020

Revealed.

 As I was typing a title above, the best line came to mind, which would have lent itself more easily to an image: 

Unrevealed until its season, something God alone can see. From “Hymn of Promise” by Natalie Sleeth, if I recall correctly. 

 Advent photo challenge Day 11: #Revealed. 

“God's love was revealed among us in this way: God sent his only Son into the world so that we might live through him. In this is love, not that we loved God but that he loved us and sent his Son to be the atoning sacrifice for our sins.”

‭‭1 John‬ ‭4:9-10‬ ‭NRSV‬‬

 #rethinkchurch #GoodrichAdvent2020 #umcRethinkChurch  #unitedmethodistchurch #ComfortsofChristmas2020

I had written more and posted it, including with a nothing picture. But the message about it not posting didn’t make since. I deleted it — and immediately (too late) realized what it was. 

It had included that no clear image was revealed for most of the day. 

Also: ending the Bible in one year reading plan with Revelation is timely, because in it so much more about Jesus is revealed. 

Tender moments

Advent photo challenge Day 8: #Tenderly. #rethinkchurch #GoodrichAdvent2020 #umcRethinkChurch  #unitedmethodistchurch #ComfortsofChristmas2020

This one needs a blog post with #therestofthestoty!

The nativity set represents tenderly because that’s how I think of the moment just days before he died that my Daddy told me he wanted to have “the little animals” in the hall. I really did not know what he meant. Then I saw the box with the jade nativity set. It’s now a treasured memory and keepsake. 

Tenderly also describes how I have to treat my emotions and efforts during this time of year. It’s so easy for me to become overwhelmed. Softly and tenderly God reminds me to trust in Him and to be gentle, kind and loving to myself and to others. 

Tenderly. With gentleness, kindness and affection. Loving kindness. Tender loving care.

In one of my Bible reading plans today, as I prayed, meditated and contemplated regarding the Advent challenge word Tenderly, I wrote: 

Nothing is coming on this one tonight. I thought God might give me my connection to Tenderly, the Advent word of the day. The lesson (reflecting on the song “Lo How a Rose E’er Blooming”) uses “tender” twice. But I don’t think that’s my image. Or is it? A rose? A Christmas rose? Or is it something with the tree or the nativity set and tender memories and tender handling of present moments? I trust God to guide me. 

Of course, the nativity scene is also a reminder of how tenderly God came to earth in the form of a baby, Who would grow up to die on a cross so that those who believe in Him can be saved from our sins and have everlasting life with God our Father.

I humbly bow down in sacred awe in light of His mercy, love and grace.   

Also include Embraced, a devotional with essays from Lysa TerKeurst that draws on Scripture to tenderly show me who and how I am and what to do about it. 

More than pictures

 My Advent photo challenge continues to be much more challenging than I think it should be. I spend a lot of time thinking about it, plus praying and doing various versions of research. And still ... I feel as if I just randomly pick something. 

Today’s word was “Perceived.” A lot of my thinking was along the lines of “that moment I first perceived ...” something, such as the pandemic is for real (toilet paper; face masks); this was going to be a good day (beautiful sunrise); etc. 

My research sources included the Bible, online dictionaries and pictures submitted by others doing the challenge. The good thing about all of those is that they educated, informed and inspired me. 

Another of my research sources was the photo album on my phone. Were there any photos that spoke to this theme? 

That’s where I found the one I ended up posting. 

Sometimes I have included extra words with the photo post. Today I just put the key word “Perceived” and the photo. 

One reason I’m drafting this blog post is to help me remember the story behind the photo choice. When I see the cross and flame of the United Methodist Church, I’ve always perceived the fire of the Holy Spirit. Sadly, I now know others see racist imagery. And this clouds my perception. 

I’m surprised that’s the photo I posted. I’ll be more surprised if I offer any explanation on social media. It’s more likely I’ll talk about it at our weekly Advent discussion, although it’s just as likely I won’t!

Something else I’ve perceived once more in this photo challenge is that I tend to come up with better perspectives “after deadline.” For today, I’m still ok with that. 

Kindle

The word for Day 3 of the Advent photo challenge was “Kindle.” I had ideas, but enjoyed the discussion at a weekly Bible study group that now is focusing on this challenge. 

One woman said a meaning of kindle is “something occurs that results in something else.” She also said something about open space becoming infinite potential. These spoke to me, although I’m not sure with which part of me they were communicating.

Getting on my knees later to pray for people who are always “in my prayers” — but do I really intentionally pray for them? — led to the answer to try to be intentional by using a candle during my prayer time. I prayed for God to be with these people and to help me know how to reach out if it was my place to do so. And I committed to praying daily, with the candle to help me focus.

Before the day was over, I realized I also wanted a cross in this space. I picked up the cross that best fit the space, and on the back was a handwritten note from the primary subject of my inconsistent prayers, who had given it to me for Christmas in 2012. 

Between my faulty memory and often-displaced emotions, I had forgotten that this was the cross she gave me. After a moment of self-condemnation for not having remembered, I thanked God for this moment of connection with my Creator as well as my beloved goddaughter. I sent her a text saying I’ve been thinking of her and praying. It’s too late for her to respond tonight, and that’s ok. 

A photo challenge, an Advent discussion, a prayer, a battery-powered candle and a small cross on a base with the word “FAITH” has kindled a needed renewal in my focus and faith in God. 

 

The joy of musical challenges

During the global COVID-19 pandemic of 2020, virtual musical performances have fascinated me. I've been blessed by many of the creative compilations that have been shared on social media.

Mid-November, I received an email from Discipleship Ministries of The United Methodist Church about a virtual Christmas choir that I could join. I immediately knew I wanted to do it. But would I? Could I?

I shared the email with others I thought might be interested. Then I tried to prepare myself mentally for the hurdles I would inevitably face to accomplish this possibility. 

I knew there would be technological challenges. 

I was surprised to discover there also were linguistic challenges, as two verses of "Silent Night" were not to be sung in my native tongue. Could I learn to sing those words in German and Spanish? It helped to realize there would be enough people singing that I didn't have to be perfect. It also helped that I would have a vocalist singing along with the accompaniment coming through my earbuds.

The biggest challenge ended up being finding a place to record. Even though I often am involved in Zoom meetings, I don't have a good background for video. Even with this, I finally concluded the images for the virtual Christmas choir would be so small it wouldn't really matter. 

So, this morning, less than an hour before the deadline, I uploaded my recording of "Christmas Medley." 

 

And just minutes before the noon deadline, the upload was completed of my recording of "Silent Night." 

I look forward to seeing how it all comes together. I feel certain it will be a great way to share the joy of Christmas. I'm glad I didn't let the challenges keep me from adding my voice to the virtual Christmas choir.

Open to the Presence of God in Advent

My days and topics are running together. It's confusing to me that Advent started Nov. 29, and the UMC (United Methodist Church) RethinkChurch Advent photo-a-day challenge started Monday, Nov. 30. Now it's Dec. 1, which seems like it should be the start of something. Instead, it's Day 2 of the challenge. 

The challenge is to post a photo each day in response to a word prompt. I likely would not have given the challenge a second thought (after an ill-fated attempt last year) except it's what my Wednesday Bible study group decided to do for Advent. I'm still not sure how this is going to work out, but I was willing to have an open mind.

That open mind was helpful the first day, when the word was "Open." 

My photo:

Nothing in the challenge instructions says to post an explanation. But I'm more of a word person than an image person, so it's hard for me to post a photo without sharing some words as well. 

These are the words I posted yesterday:  

I’ve signed on for the Advent photo-a-day challenge at my church. Open is the theme for Day 1. I’m open to the possibilities of trying again, this year with a group. I’m grateful for the opportunity to open awaited and unexpected packages received in the mail today. #rethinkchurch #GoodrichAdvent2020 #ComfortsofChristmas2020

Today's word was "Presence." It's easy for me to think of words to describe the meaning of presence this second day of Advent. I had doubts about coming up with an image. 

It didn't help when I saw a post from the first day of last year's challenge, which I started but am pretty sure I didn't continue for long. I love the picture I posted, although I'm not sure what I was thinking for it to be a response to the word "Awake." 

Here's that picture: 

 

These are the words I put with it last year:  

Awake. #rethinkchurch #advent2019photochallenge

All I can think now is that maybe Subi had just awakened when I took that picture. ...

When I posted the picture again as it showed up in my Facebook memories, I added these words: 

Oh my! Like I said yesterday, I started the #rethinkchurch Advent photo-a-day challenge last year and don’t think I kept up with it. But what a great start it was! Subi!! Still looking for inspiration for today’s word: presence.

My sister's response:

Don't over think it. Presence has all kinds of possibilities.

I "liked" her response, but later came back to respond that my mind is blank sometimes -- including that moment. 

So, again, today's word is "Presence." And this is what I came up with:

Advent photo challenge day 2: Presence. #rethinkchurch #GoodrichAdvent2020 #umcRethinkChurch #unitedmethodistchurch #ComfortsofChristmas2020

I left it at that for about an hour before returning to post the explanation in the comments:

 

I’m writing a comment about why this photo represents presence — because otherwise I may forget.

I had decided that when I went to get the mail, I would walk around the block to get some sunshine, despite the cold (and knowing it’s going to get colder). As I walked, I contemplated the word of the day: presence. Lots of things came to mind. But images? As I walked, I felt God’s presence in the beauty of the sunshine and even with all the tree limbs still stacked curbside waiting to be picked up. But the image that came to mind was the kitty that sometimes greets me along our green belt, which wasn’t where I planned to walk but is where I headed next. I was praying to know the right image for presence today, and when I topped the footbridge over the drainage ditch and saw the backyard where my kitty friend sometimes is, the sweet guy came running! I’m still smiling to think of that simple moment of God’s presence. 

 

I have to admit that, for this moment and this second day of the Advent challenge, I'm grateful I was open to the presence of unexpected possibilities.

 

What's that I hear?

What's that I hear? 

Could it be sweet music of life, even in 2020? 

Time will tell ....

A hymn of joyful praise

 The Thanksgiving hymn saga continues. I drafted a post about it last night, and now it has disappeared. I'm going to publish this as the first of two placeholders tonight. I hope to complete this post after meeting some other deadlines. I will see how that works out.

Added 12-8-20 from notes of that Sunday: 

>> Gratitude (2): God, thank You that I awoke w/o a headache, I was able to sing w/confidence & joy, & Gene was there 2 record. Thank You that I don’t have to deal w/the emotions I’m sure I would have experienced had there been no recording other than the livestream. I pray to trust You in all things — including the inevitable time to come when things don’t turn out to my satisfaction. I want to trust You and praise You in all things and in all circumstances, to Your glory; 

Above all, gratitude for God

More than anything, this Thanksgiving Day in 2020, I am grateful for God’s goodness, greatness and grace. 

God is the source of everything good. Today, I resolve again to take nothing for granted. I worship and praise Him for Who He is. 

On the evening before Thanksgiving, I immersed myself in God’s truth. I want thankfulness to be ingrained in my life. 

“Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, Rejoice. Let your gentleness be known to everyone. The Lord is near. Do not worry about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Finally, beloved, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is pleasing, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence and if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things. Keep on doing the things that you have learned and received and heard and seen in me, and the God of peace will be with you.”
‭‭Philippians‬ ‭4:4-9‬ ‭NRSV‬‬

“... give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you.”
‭‭1 Thessalonians‬ ‭5:18‬ ‭

Thanksgiving Day brought tears of joy and gratitude, tempered a bit by my sense of unworthiness and shame that is so hard to fully shake. 

It’s OK that my husband and I chose to mostly social distance on the lake this Thanksgiving Day, fishing. 

It was heartwarming to read of family and friends gathering. Especially touching was to know that my 85-year-old Mom made a full Thanksgiving dinner, even though she only knew for sure that one of her six children would partake. 

Even better was that another of my sisters, who led the effort to make sure that 145 Thanksgiving meals were prepared for home bound people in her community, was grateful to be able to share Mom’s Thanksgiving dinner. Becky was following in the footsteps of her granny, and her husband was carrying on the legacy of his recently deceased mother. 

I love these connections of faith, family and friendship. 

Gene and I were able to enjoy leftovers later at Mom’s, with the sister who is visiting there for the holiday and also our brother. We distanced while eating and wore masks the rest of the time. 

I spent a lot of time focused on God, with mostly private moments of worship and praise. I do believe God also receives our acts of kindness and service and our expressions of thanksgiving to others as a form of worship and praise to Him. 

Thanksgiving Day has become my time to renew my focus on the importance of doing these things, not just the fourth Thursday of November but in my daily life.

Sabbath

Could it be that my sabbath is waiting in line at CVS? In all things, I will give God thanks and praise. 

When I got up this morning, I couldn’t decide whether I should go to church or not. My indecision was fueled by the spike in COVID-19 cases in Oklahoma, along with knowing my husband had been around people who tested positive for COVID-19, plus knowing I have a doctor's appointment in the morning I don't want to miss. I was aware of extreme fatigue from trying to make right decisions during the continued pandemic while also being frustrated by missing out on things. I was also going through the weirdness of my husband returning last night after two weeks of travel, but us needing to distance in the house until he can be tested.

So, when I came to a decision this morning, it was to not go. I put on my workout clothes and prepared to get on the treadmill. Then my husband said something that changed my mind so I quickly showered (including washing my hair, which adds significantly to the getting ready routine), ate breakfast, got dressed and went to church, arriving only a couple of minutes late. 

It was a great service. I was glad to be there. The sermon, focusing on The Lord's Prayer, and the special music richly ministered to me. Afterward, I was able to practice a vocal duet with piano accompaniment I will be part of, God willing, next week.

After that, I went to Natural Grocers to get my multivitamin that was on sale for half-price. When I'm there, I always look for other bargains on things I only get at that store. I found several things of interest.

When I left the house, I knew I planned to go to church, to Natural Grocers and to CVS to pick up a couple of prescriptions. I was unsure about going to Walmart. In my car after finishing at NG, I called my husband to talk it out. I decided to go on to WM, knowing I would regret it if I didn't (because there were things I needed to get, and I would not want to go out again after I got home). 

Walmart started fine but quickly took a slow turn, and I soon began to get weary, with so many people going the wrong direction down the crowded aisles. When it was time to check out, after I had all my items on the self-check conveyor belt, I discovered the belt wasn't working. No big deal -- I could push them along. Then a couple of items wouldn't scan, so I had to get the customer-service rep to help. Still OK. It wasn't until I tried to pay and it required I get approval again that I started to feel annoyed. I was glad to get out of there. 

In my car, I headed out of the parking lot in the direction of CVS. I was stopped by road construction and had to backtrack then go another way. OK. Breathe. No big deal I guess. Listening to the positive and encouraging music of KLove Christian music always helps.

I looped around another way, then headed on to CVS. There, I saw four cars ahead of me. Sigh. Will I wait or go on? I decided to wait. It took more than 30 minutes. 

It was during the wait that I recalled my morning meditation about the importance of sabbath. When I read it, I knew it was something I don't really understand how to do. It seemed unrealistic. There's always work to do on Sunday, even if all one does is go to church. Of course, I had much more in my plans today that just going to church. 

I was grateful to realize I could worship God while I wait. 

When I got home, I put away the groceries, then dressed to go for a walk, despite the 53-degree (feels like 49) assessment from my Weather Channel app. I'm glad I went. It's the first time I've walked in this area while wearing a mask; the cool weather made the face covering welcome. I saw some kind of bird, perhaps a hawk, I'd never seen before. I was aware of God's presence with me.

After my walk, I sat down at my computer to try to do some prep work for tomorrow's doctor's appointment. I took a quick look at Facebook first, and was delighted to find that a concert I had wanted to attend this weekend in Texas was streamed on Facebook. That may have been the best gift of the day, although it turned out there were many.

Before I got to that point of recalling the need for sabbath in the line at CVS, I was feeling so weary, I was on the verge of tears. I still may cry, although now they will be tears of gratitude and acceptance rather than despair and frustration. 

Another one of those days ....

Heavenly Father, are you telling me that the way I am, which I keep thinking is lame, is exactly the way I am supposed to be? After 2 hours reading Scripture, Bible study & praying, the next right thing again seems to be stepping on the treadmill while reading 12-step lit and spending a little time on social media. Then breakfast, call Warcup, work on kitties. Checking in with You moment by moment, trusting You to keep me where You would have me be. Now what Gene is doing comes to my mind. Would You have that be a distraction or an appointment? It seems to be an appointment. I trust You, Lord, to let me know. Same w/laundry & cookbook. I just giggled, at how gentle & loving You are. You know me & love me. You know what I need. Thank You! 

I wrote that as I prayed this morning. Reading it again tonight helps me let go and let God after a day that included emotional outbursts likely triggered by COVID-19 uncertainties as well as some remaining sadness and grief over a friend's death earlier this year and the reality that it's still not practical for me to adopt kitties. So much seems overwhelming and impossible, largely because of how inept I seem to be even on my best days.

So, to repeat: Reading the morning prayer again tonight helps me let go and trust God. You know me & love me. You know what I need. Thank You!

I am grateful. Thank You, God.

#Godblessthekitties

So I finally did this thing, after procrastinating since at least May. I wanted to help. My intentions were good. My heart was all-in. It seemed like I should be able to help. But twists of caring too much and wishing I could fix it myself and wanting a perfect outcome and feeling so sad over the loss of my friend and that I can't adopt two or three of this kitties kept me from getting it done. 

I've prayed and prayed. Including today. God increasingly told me He couldn't do His part until I did mine.

So is it God's timing or my procrastination that made today when these words and 22 photos were finally posted on Facebook?

Facebook still asks: What’s on your mind? What's on my mind & heart are a dozen or more sweet kitties related to my precious, dearly departed friend Ellie. These kitties need homes. I've been doing what I can to help support them (food & spay/neuter isn't cheap). All are litter-box trained. They also all are pretty skittish, because about the only person they see is Ellie’s son, Doug, with whom they live. We are pretty sure they would become friendly with new owners pretty quickly. 

Doug has gone above & beyond in loving and caring for them. But he has too many kitties in that house. (He has at least 5 adults and 3 kitties born this year in addition to the ones needing homes.) 

I've found myself thinking "What would Ellie do?" I don’t know that answer. I do know she loved her kitties, especially the adult kitties who kept her company in her last weeks & months. The first of the kittens were born before she died May 7. Several more litters arrived since, courtesy of cats that preferred to be outdoors & had not been spayed, plus an indoor cat that escaped outside before she could be spayed. 

It's been a logistical and financial challenge to get the tomcat caught and spayed, and then the mamas, and now some of the kittens as they get older. (The first ones were born in the spring; the latest maybe in late July.) 

I told Doug from the start I would help find homes for the kitties. I regret that, as usual, I kept putting it off. Now they are older & perhaps more challenging to find homes for. It breaks my heart that I can't take at least three of them. Do any of you need a kitty or two or know of someone who does? God bless any & all who can help. Most of these pictures are from when they were much younger. I can try to get new pictures for anyone who is interested or can help. #godblessthekitties 

How I long for these kitties to have good homes. Doug wants them to be indoor kitties, because their mamas likely were exposed to bobcat fever. I don't understand much about that, but he's adamant, after having to bury too many kitties who succumbed to the tick-borne sickness, including litter mates of some of these. 

It seems like I see posts every day from animal shelters and other sources with felines needing homes. Many of them are kittens; most likely are more social. 

In my mind, the possibility of my friends helping find homes for these seems unlikely. 

I also know that God knows how precious these kitties are -- and He understands they have emotional ties to my friend Ellie, for me as well as for her son. I've got to trust that God is in control and working for good. He's got the whole world in His hands, and that includes my heart and these kitties.