As I say goodbye to another September,
I need to take time to remember
rich blessings of family, friendship and spirit
Sweet music of life -- to hear it, to share it!

Singing for my friends John and Kimbra.
Praying, praying, praying.
Hospital visits. Expected and unexpected deaths.
Taking my mother to a medical appointment.
A moment of letting down my guard and letting God take over while I sang at church.
Stepping outside my comfort zone.
Attending an intimate candlelight vigil.
Traveling with my husband.
Holding down the fort.
Turning again and again to prayer and Bible reading and study.
Coming to understand that praying usually will lead to action, and sometimes praying requires truly letting go and letting God take care of the situation through His miraculous power or through other people.
I don't get to be perfect.

Unfinished

I'm grateful for an online Bible study on the 23rd Psalm that reminded me tonight that where I am right now may feel wrong, but that doesn't mean it's not right.

One of the hardest things for me to do this past week was accept the reality that I would not write a story for publication about the two Oklahoma anglers fishing in the Bassmaster Elite Series, which concluded its regular season with a tournament at Lake Tenkiller.

I'd been gathering information for such a story since March or earlier. A combination of my continued writer's block, perfectionism and procrastination, coupled with weather-related rescheduling of the tournament from May to September, led me to reluctantly give up my quest.

Writing the story would have been an act of faith. As it turns out, letting it go also required many acts of faith.

Acting on faith requires trust in the One in Whom I have faith. Through that process of trust, I am able to receive some valuable lessons. Many have been accompanied by texts of Scriptures and Bible reading plans, including the Psalm 23 study by Jennifer Rothschild, presented by Proverbs 31 Ministries, and others available on the YouVersion Bible app.

I felt like a failure who let down the people I had interviewed. I don't understand why I wasn't able to follow through on writing the story. It doesn't seem like it should have been that hard. Yet, it's always been hard for me to write.

And this time, apparently, it just wasn't what I was being called to do.

In my mind, it doesn't seem like spending more time reading the Bible, praying and learning to respond to God's Word with acts of kindness, service and compassion should have kept me from writing the story.

Bible reading plans, the Psalm 23 study and today's daily devotionals from Proverbs 31 Ministries tell me otherwise.

"I always think I must be more, do more, serve more, give more. More, more, more! I assume Jesus must want so much more from me to work a miracle in my life, when He just needs me to immediately obey the small stretch He’s asking me to do," wrote Shala W. Graham, drawing from the text of Luke 6:10, where Jesus only asked a man to stretch his withered hand for it to be healed.

I can trust my Good Shepherd to lead me where I need to be. When I stray, he rescues me.
I can trust my God to not ask me to stretch beyond my limits.
I can trust God to take care of what is beyond my limits.

Where I am right now doesn't really feel wrong. It's just not where I hoped or wanted to be. I wanted to feel the sense of accomplishment that comes from helping to tell someone's story.

Instead, I'm part of a story that continues to be written by the hand of God. And I am grateful.

Green pastures and still waters

The Shepherd was leading. Sometimes I followed; sometimes I did not.

And in all things, I must trust the Shepherd. Even when I get sidetracked by distractions or my own desires and don't follow the Shepherd's leading, the Shepherd is the only one who can come to my rescue and bring me to my place of safety, rest, provision and purpose.

When I follow His leading, as I did last Wednesday in visiting John and then Harriet, the church dinner, Wesley study and choir, life is good. It's easy to praise.

And yet, it's out of my comfort zone.

So something happens on Thursday, and I start trying to figure out on my own where I need to be. My desires interfere with my hearing of the Shepherd's guidance. By Friday, I'm missing opportunities.

Saturday is wonderful -- until it's heartbreaking.

And Sunday, it's a mix of high and low, blessed and burned out, exhaustion.

I didn't allow the Shepherd to lie in green pastures and lead me beside still waters.

Who would have ever thought the Psalm 23:2 would be this challenging.

Lord, I believe. Help my unbelief!

Here's to 37 years!

It's possible to be happy, joyous and blessed at 37 years of marriage and not post anything about it on Facebook. Just saying. And it wasn't easy for me. I guess I had to write it somewhere!

The more things change

A sermon about the prodigal son reminded me that you can never go home again.

I am a new person each day. 

Nothing changes if nothing changes. 

Everything changes. 

What role will I play in my transformation?

 

This is related, from Proverbs 31 Ministries Encouragement for Today: 

 

"When we embrace good things in our lives past the designated time, we smother the goodness and hinder our own growth. When we let go of each season at the right time, we can joyfully celebrate the new season God gives us. .. When we look back, we can be tempted to see only the good. But the truth is, each season has its own trials. These trials are like weights that strengthen our spiritual muscles for future seasons.

"God wants to build our faith through each season. If we want our faith to grow, we can’t stay stuck in the past. We can embrace transitions as they arrive and learn to celebrate the changes."

From Gayle’s sermon “Reckless” on the prodigal son: 

You don’t ever really go home again. Because you change. You are not the same person. 

The relationship with the father is important. So is the relationship with the brother. Related to the Great Commandment. Love — make right relationship with — God (Father) and neighbor (brother). 

Leave old stuff behind so we don’t come back prodigal, wrecked. Come back wreckless, not reckless. 

The difference is the grace. 

We cannot go home without it. 

From 8-31-19 Upper Room:

 Even healthy trees need pruning — cutting away anything that prevents them from producing the best fruit. Jesus tells us that we are like branches that only survive if we remain in him — the true Vine. We all make decisions and have attitudes — fear, disobedience, despair — that hinder us from living into the fullness that God wants for us. But when we ask, God will prune away the old habits and replace them with life-giving ones.