Trust God

Trust God.

That was the message that came through softly but clearly as I tried to focus my thoughts and prayers one morning this week.

The thoughts included that jumble of what to do that day and how to do it, which brought the thoughts and feelings of what is wrong with me that things that should be simple seem so hard. And how slow I am.

Trust God.

I thought of a woman in our choir at church who has a lot of hardship in her own family — and yet she found time to visit two church members who are homebound. She just does it, while I’m stuck in my thoughts and plans about how and when.

Trust God. 

My thoughts also included a loved one going through a difficult time. He rejects a spiritual approach to dealing with the situation. I wish I could help. I have no idea how.

Trust God.

This led me to thoughts that I am grateful for strengthened faith, which I think is a direct result of conscientious Bible study, which is an indirect result of more intentional and consistent practice of the 12 steps to clear some of the cobwebs of my mind and my past.

Trust God.

This led me to think about how even with progress I have made, there are so many areas in which my thinking and my actions seem as deficient as ever to me.

That’s when TRUST GOD came through strongest of all.

God knows me. God knows what I can and can’t, will and won’t do. God is in charge. God is working for good. God made me. God loves me.

Trust God.

Trust God with the people and situations on my heart and mind.

Trust God with my food, my weight, my recovery, my service, my health.

Trust God with my weaknesses.

Trust God with my strengths.

Trust God with my time.

Trust God with the results.

Trust God.

Love God. Praise God. Seek God. Listen to God. Follow God’s guidance. Thank God.

Trust God.

Amen.

I am grateful to desire and be willing to TRUST GOD this moment.

A day late and short of ideas

The blog is just not happening these days.

Daddy's birthday

It still seems odd not to call Daddy to wish him a happy birthday on March 20. Instead, I just say a prayer of gratitude for all he did for us on earth and now as part of that great cloud of heavenly witnesses since 2011. Feeling love for Daddy as well as Mom and all my family, today and always.

Did it happen if I didn't write about it?

Did it happen if I didn't write about it?

Or perhaps the more relevant question: Does it matter if I did it if I don't remember it?

For many years, I've been aware of how poor my memory is. Even when I try, I forget things it seems others remember without a second thought.

I think it's part of why I have tried to keep a journal and-or post things on a blog or Facebook.

I'm also aware it doesn't do a lot of good to write things down -- and even to post them on a blog or Facebook -- without a good system of sorting, labeling, filing or some other process that will make the information retrievable. And that's another place where I fall short.

And so, I find myself pondering some of the same questions that troubled me two years ago in Houston, Texas, and a year ago in Greenville, South Carolina.

What really matters?

Does it matter if I don't remember?

Does it matter if I don't know?

I don't know.

I trust that God knows. For today, that's enough.

#60isthenew40

Never accept that all your greatest moments are in the past.

More to come.

Unplanned act of faith

As has often been the case for me, entering this morning of Ash Wednesday, I had not settled on my plan for Lent, the 40 days (not counting Sundays) leading up to Easter. It's that time when a lot of Christians "give up" something as they prepare for Easter through fasting, repentance, moderation and-or other spiritual disciplines, often marked by sacrifice. It's also become acceptable to add something, such as more Bible study or acts of kindness.

I've been doing a better job of daily Bible reading, study and prayer this year, and I thought that might be a good lead-in to the spiritual discipline of at least a partial fast. This morning, my Bible readings seemed to confirm it, as Scriptures and devotional readings spoke of fasting, letting go and trusting God.

Most direct was the verse of the day on the YouVersion Bible App:

"Yet even now," says the Lord, "return to me with all your heart, with fasting, with weeping, and with mourning;" (Joel 2:12)

Looking back at the morning's readings, I see that was the only one that mentioned fasting. But others (Matthew 19:26; Romans 5:3-5; Matthew 7:24-27) referenced how things that seem impossible to me are possible with God and are surely worth the effort and-or sacrifice.

So, I was a bit surprised and significantly troubled by just how strong and clear was the resistance of my spirit to this idea.

"Lord, if it is to be, it will have to be through your changing of my heart and transformation of my will. I lift it up to You," I wrote in my journal as I prayed.

"Show me Your way. This moment, it seems more likely Lent will be a time of preparing my heart to let go — to fast — than a time of actual fasting."

I long to surrender. And still I resist.

"Lord, I offer myself to You, to use me as You will. Relieve me of the bondage of self, that I may better do Your will. Take away my difficulties, not for my comfort, ease or glory, but that victory over them may proclaim to others Your power, Your love and Your way of life. I pray to know and do Your will. I pray to trust You with my life — to trust You even when to me it’s not clear that You are in control of my will or my life. I believe You can and will transform me. I will look for evidence of Your work all around as well as within. And in all things, I will give You thanks and praise. This is my prayer. I lift it up in the name of Jesus Christ. Amen."

This was followed by thoughts of things I might consider giving up. Peanut butter, chocolate, Diet Dr Pepper, gum and social media were possibilities that came to mind.

But I could not see any of it happening. I felt no willingness to let go, not even for Ash Wednesday, and certainly not for the 40 days of Lent.

I spent more time reading, praying and writing. I lifted up people and situations I knew to be standing in the need of prayer. I offered praise and thanksgiving. And finally, still with no strong sense of a plan for the day or for a spiritual program for Lent, I stepped out in faith, trusting that I would discover God's plan for me step by step.

It was early afternoon before I made my first visit of the day to Facebook, and there among my "memories" was a post from Jim Goodwin, a former pastor at the church I grew up in and my mother still attends, that affirmed the path I had fallen into for Lent.

Among his words from March 6, 2014:

"The quicksand of good intentions ... a slippery slope toward failure ... delusion of control ... promises ... expectations ... disappointing ... fear ... 

"So, is there another option? What about 'faith'? ... I'm talking about faith for this moment of the journey, just this one second; not tomorrow or next week, just for this heartbeat of life. ... Ah, there is the heart of the matter? Will it ultimately be faith in me and my limitations, or will it be faith in the unlimited resources of God? ... I wonder what would happen in the consistency of my commitments and promises if I learn to live simply ... by faith in God."

Maybe because of those stubborn illusions of control, it's hard for me to just trust God. It seems that even God should want me to have a plan. A lesson I'm getting to experience again and again this year is that my assessment of what I think God should expect of me is usually wrong. Living by faith rather than my plans worked well today.

I suppose it shouldn't surprise me. 

"For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, says the Lord." (Isaiah 55:8, Revised Standard Version)

Lord I believe. I believe in You and trust You in many things and ways. Help my unbelief and my resistance in the places where I lack faith. I trust that You are at work for good. I love You Lord. I thank You. You are good. You are gracious. You are beyond my comprehension in all Your ways. ... I trust that You will lead me, to Your glory.

Marching onward

I forgot to go to the Upper Room prayer wall today but was grateful to attend the World Day of Prayer luncheon of the Gainesville (or maybe Cooke County) Women of Faith with my Mom at First Presbyterian Church. It was good to catch up with some folks I had not seen in many years. I was reminded the ACTS of prayer are adoration, confession, thanksgiving and supplication. Its value cannot be overestimated.

This was also an important message for me this first day of March, 2019:

1. Lastly, God is good at being God. Don’t try to fix what He hasn’t assigned you to fix. Don’t try to manipulate or control or spend all your emotions trying to figure it out. Let Him be God. Free yourself from this impossible assignment.
   From Lysa TerKeurst, Proverbs 31 Ministries, 3-1-19