One other thing I knew I would want to write about on this final day of 2019 was the daily devotional book I used this year, "Then Sings My Soul," which I learned on Dec. 31 of last year was not well edited. https://thats-the-spirit-patricia.blogspot.com/2018/12/wrapping-it-up.html
2019 was a year in which one of my goals was to spend more time in Bible reading, study, prayer, listening and responding to God's guidance for my life. This devotional book challenged me to adopt an attitude of grace and acceptance I likely would not have considered without the errors.
Throughout the year, I've been more aware of how harshly I can judge myself and others. By reading my devotional and letting it speak to my heart, even when I had to look past grammatical errors and dropped or misused words, I stayed aware of the need to do that as well regarding my expectations for myself and others.
An interesting thing is that, when I read the Dec. 31 passages today, I couldn't find the dropped words that I wrote about last year. Nor did I notice the mistake in the 12-step devotional when I read it this year. (I did find them when I specifically searched for them.)
It's also interesting to me that I fully intend to use this devotional book again in 2020 -- and this time to follow through with journaling answers to the daily questions.
I'm grateful I didn't let imperfections block me from strong messages. For me, that's great progress!
Tuesday, December 31, 2019
An unexpected look back at 2010-2019
While I was pondering questions to help me close out 2019, my thoughts drifted for a moment to a mental survey of the decade 2010-19.
My first thoughts were incredibly sad:
-- It was the decade my dad was diagnosed with lung cancer. He had what appeared to be successful surgery, and then died a year later, in October 2011, after more aggressive cancer was found in other parts of his body.
-- It was the decade my sister-in-law was diagnosed with cancer and died about two years later, in July 2015.
-- So many other people, including church friends, also faced life-threatening diagnoses. Too many have died.
-- It was also the decade my husband rescued me from the biggest mistake of my life. I had emergency surgery that led to removal of part of my colon, followed by three months with a colostomy before I could be put back together. I was laid off from the job I had held for 34 years.
In many of these, circumstances that could have been horrendous yielded blessings beyond measure.
The blessings are easiest to see in my personal crises: my husband ultimately forgave me and we have renewed our commitment and grown in our love and support for each other, celebrating our 37th anniversary in September; I've had no negative after effects from that major and, at the time, potentially life-threatening medical event; my layoff included several months' notice so I could prepare (and clean off my desk!), along with a decent severance package; and we were in a financial situation that allowed me to not have to get another job, leaving me time to travel with my husband and increase my efforts to be of volunteer service to family members, church and in other ways.
Admittedly, it's harder to find the blessings when loved ones face daunting diagnoses, especially when they are followed by agonizing treatment and still result in the person's death. The truth is, I think some of those will never make sense this side of heaven. Perhaps through the combination of growing older and living through these heartaches, we learn to consistently lean on God and to treasure each moment with our loved ones. I'm grateful that I have increasingly become willing to spend more time reading and studying God's Word, praying and listening for His guidance. Everything God offers has always been available to me; it's just harder for me to accept it if I don't take the time to seek Him, know Him, listen to Him and trust Him.
There were also amazing bright spots:
-- My nieces and nephews welcoming more children into our extended family.
-- Mom celebrating her 80th birthday, surrounded by family and friends, at a party at her church. I think it's also cool that mom was able to move to a nice senior apartment in town without having to give up the family farm.
-- I was able to go on an expenses-paid European cruise before getting laid off.
-- Post layoff, I've been able to travel throughout the U.S. with my husband, with highlights including upstate New York; the Columbia River between Oregon and Washington; great beach resorts; a fresh view of Washington, D.C.; and a poignant visit to Puerto Rico.
The period wound down with Gene and I shuffling to make arrangements to accept a last-minute (one month to prepare) opportunity for a bucket list trip: fishing for peacock bass on the Amazon River in Brazil. After all of our critical arrangements -- passports, flights -- came together in just over two weeks, the trip had to be canceled because of too much rain in the rainforest.
Thankfully, the cancelled Amazon trip became one more opportunity to count our blessings and be grateful. I'm learning that even when we make an investment of time and money toward something that doesn't work out, that doesn't mean it's wasted. Some of our best experiences have come when we acted spontaneously. Although this one didn't work out, we now have valid passports and a new hunger for the kind of trip we never really thought possible. Now we know it is.
These are just recollections that came to mind without looking back at the calendar or my writings during those years. I'm sure many others will come to mind after I post this.
I'll add that I'm grateful for the link I saw on Facebook that listed 10 questions for looking back, to end the year intentionally. I didn't answer those questions in this essay, but they shaped it nonetheless.
Writing about the decade and the past year gives me hope as I prepare to greet 2020 and the 2020s.
My first thoughts were incredibly sad:
-- It was the decade my dad was diagnosed with lung cancer. He had what appeared to be successful surgery, and then died a year later, in October 2011, after more aggressive cancer was found in other parts of his body.
-- It was the decade my sister-in-law was diagnosed with cancer and died about two years later, in July 2015.
-- So many other people, including church friends, also faced life-threatening diagnoses. Too many have died.
-- It was also the decade my husband rescued me from the biggest mistake of my life. I had emergency surgery that led to removal of part of my colon, followed by three months with a colostomy before I could be put back together. I was laid off from the job I had held for 34 years.
In many of these, circumstances that could have been horrendous yielded blessings beyond measure.
The blessings are easiest to see in my personal crises: my husband ultimately forgave me and we have renewed our commitment and grown in our love and support for each other, celebrating our 37th anniversary in September; I've had no negative after effects from that major and, at the time, potentially life-threatening medical event; my layoff included several months' notice so I could prepare (and clean off my desk!), along with a decent severance package; and we were in a financial situation that allowed me to not have to get another job, leaving me time to travel with my husband and increase my efforts to be of volunteer service to family members, church and in other ways.
Admittedly, it's harder to find the blessings when loved ones face daunting diagnoses, especially when they are followed by agonizing treatment and still result in the person's death. The truth is, I think some of those will never make sense this side of heaven. Perhaps through the combination of growing older and living through these heartaches, we learn to consistently lean on God and to treasure each moment with our loved ones. I'm grateful that I have increasingly become willing to spend more time reading and studying God's Word, praying and listening for His guidance. Everything God offers has always been available to me; it's just harder for me to accept it if I don't take the time to seek Him, know Him, listen to Him and trust Him.
There were also amazing bright spots:
-- My nieces and nephews welcoming more children into our extended family.
-- Mom celebrating her 80th birthday, surrounded by family and friends, at a party at her church. I think it's also cool that mom was able to move to a nice senior apartment in town without having to give up the family farm.
-- I was able to go on an expenses-paid European cruise before getting laid off.
-- Post layoff, I've been able to travel throughout the U.S. with my husband, with highlights including upstate New York; the Columbia River between Oregon and Washington; great beach resorts; a fresh view of Washington, D.C.; and a poignant visit to Puerto Rico.
The period wound down with Gene and I shuffling to make arrangements to accept a last-minute (one month to prepare) opportunity for a bucket list trip: fishing for peacock bass on the Amazon River in Brazil. After all of our critical arrangements -- passports, flights -- came together in just over two weeks, the trip had to be canceled because of too much rain in the rainforest.
Thankfully, the cancelled Amazon trip became one more opportunity to count our blessings and be grateful. I'm learning that even when we make an investment of time and money toward something that doesn't work out, that doesn't mean it's wasted. Some of our best experiences have come when we acted spontaneously. Although this one didn't work out, we now have valid passports and a new hunger for the kind of trip we never really thought possible. Now we know it is.
These are just recollections that came to mind without looking back at the calendar or my writings during those years. I'm sure many others will come to mind after I post this.
I'll add that I'm grateful for the link I saw on Facebook that listed 10 questions for looking back, to end the year intentionally. I didn't answer those questions in this essay, but they shaped it nonetheless.
Writing about the decade and the past year gives me hope as I prepare to greet 2020 and the 2020s.
Monday, December 30, 2019
Ending the year intentionally
Yes, I followed this guide, attributed to Daisy U and shared by a friend on Facebook. https://nosidebar.com/intentionally/
She said I could end my year intentionally, like she did. "Just block out a half hour or so during the holiday season, pick up something to write with, and ask yourself 10 questions." I did it using my computer.
These responses don't seem complete to me, but I can't think of what to add. So maybe this is it!
These responses don't seem complete to me, but I can't think of what to add. So maybe this is it!
1. What makes this year unforgettable?
I celebrated my 60th birthday at the home of Gene’s fishing buddy Hal on our way to the Bassmaster Classic in Knoxville, Tenn. I love that I had Gene buy me a shirt with a slogan by an angler who won a major tournament earlier that year at age 72. The quote: “Never accept that all your greatest moments are in the past.” (Rick Clunn)
2. What did you enjoy doing this year?
The things I enjoyed most were traveling with my husband; time with my mom and siblings and their families; and church-related gatherings, studies, service and singing.
Among our travels, Gene and I went to Galveston, Texas; Knoxville via Pickwick Lake; Washington, D.C.; my first trip to Lake Fork in Texas; a return visit to upstate New York including the St. Lawrence River; and my first-ever visit to Oregon and Washington, when we were able to explore along the Columbia River.
3. What/who is the one thing/person you’re grateful for?
I am most grateful for Gene and my mother. I am also extremely grateful for the rest of my family; my church friends at Goodrich and Whaley; my 12-Step friends; and the rest of my friends with whom I’m trying to do better about maintaining contact.
I’m grateful for Facebook which helps many of us stay in touch.
I’m especially grateful to God for his infinite mercy, love and grace and how he continuously works things for good, even when it’s not obvious to me in this life.
4. What’s your biggest win this year?
The questions that seem to want to know the one thing or the biggest or best don’t bring out my best response. I do better by answering in terms of what were some of my big wins (and on the previous question, what/who are some of the things/people for which I am most grateful)?
My biggest win was reading the Bible every day, including the summer day my Bible App streak ended. (Although I did not read Scripture on the app that day, I did read other materials that included Scripture.) Daily reading of Scriptures and related studies and devotionals helped me to keep my focus on God and His will for my life, even when I experienced my typical mood swings and bouts with frustration, negativity, disappointment and even momentary returns of depression.
5. What did you read/watch/listen to that made the most impact this year?
Bible reading plans on the Bible App. Lysa Terkheurst’s “It’s Not Supposed to Be This Way”; a study on Psalm 23. Sermon series by Pastor Desi at Goodrich UMC also led me to some helpful books on gratitude and the need for a soul reset and how to do it.
6. What did you worry about most and how did it turn out?
I worried the most about what I was supposed to do and how to do it. I so often feel as if I just don’t know, even when I pray and try to listen for God’s answers. What I see time and time again is that there was no need to worry. When I center my life on God, He works whatever I can do for good. I know that and still it’s hard for me to let go of worrying.
I also worried about my appearance, including what my hair looks like, my clothes, my weight. That’s related to me worrying about what others think of me. I worry I will do something wrong or disappoint someone. God is continuing to show me I don’t need to worry about these things.
I worry about my family and friends, including relationship issues and health. I’m trying to channel more of these worries into prayers and positive action and support.
7. What was your biggest regret and why?
One of my biggest regrets is that I did not write the story on the Oklahoma rookies on the Bassmaster Elite Series. That’s related to my regrets about not getting more organized and that I still procrastinate rather than act on so many things I would like to accomplish (such as getting rid of all this clutter and chaos in my home and life).
Also related to procrastination, I regret not being more diligent in getting a group of friends/former co-workers together to visit Paul; I was devastated that our gathering ended up being for his funeral. I'm sure there also were several other opportunities I regret letting slip by.
8. What’s one thing that changed about yourself?
I think I was more honest. I also strived to be more gracious and forgiving to others. I think I followed through more on my intentions, although I still often came up short. I tried to be less self-focused. These all continue to be works in progress. In November, after more than a year with my bangs grown out, I had my stylist cut them again. And I got new eyeglasses.
9. What surprised you the most this year?
Writing this on the Sunday of their last game of the season: how disappointing the Dallas Cowboys football season was!
That I was depressed before our family’s Christmas. How could I feel depressed when so much is good in my life?
The realization that God has transformed me to enjoy traveling with and fishing with Gene. And the realization He also transformed Gene, to enjoy having me travel and fish with him.
10. If you could go back to last January 1, what suggestions would you give your past self?
Truly: Don’t worry. Trust God.
Wednesday, December 25, 2019
The best gifts
A last-minute chance for a bucket-list peacock bass fishing trip on the Amazon River ended up not working out. After we had airfare and rushed to get passports, it was cancelled because of too much rain in the rain forest.
Along the way, I realized again how little material things matter in the big scheme of things.
And how blessed I am.
And how that makes me want to be a blessing for others.
And to glorify God.
Along the way, I realized again how little material things matter in the big scheme of things.
And how blessed I am.
And how that makes me want to be a blessing for others.
And to glorify God.
Tuesday, December 24, 2019
Merry Christmas Eve with a few of my favorite things
My Merry Christmas Eve included a few of my favorite things: fishing with Gene (even if only one of us caught one of them; but he did let me take the picture of him in the Santa hat!); candlelight Christmas Eve communion and carols service with family and friends; then a little Christmas kitty time. Now we’re listening to the Dallas Symphony on TV at Mom’s. It’s still hard for me to know how to keep the focus on the reason for the season — God’s great gift of love and salvation — when I’m not in church or singing carols. God knows my heart; I pray and trust He is using me for His purposes. My prayer is that we all may receive God’s gift of salvation through Christ and respond in love and gratitude.
Sunday, December 1, 2019
Advent Day 1 2019
Somehow, I can't NOT post something on this first day of Advent.
God is doing a new thing. Christ is truly coming into my life. I await to see this new birth within me.
I am grateful for this first day of Advent that included quality time with Gene, my church family and others.
I am grateful for prayers that helped me stay steadfast to a desire to focus on the positive possibilities rather than to give voice to doubts, fears or criticism.
I'm grateful for this first day of Advent.
God is doing a new thing. Christ is truly coming into my life. I await to see this new birth within me.
I am grateful for this first day of Advent that included quality time with Gene, my church family and others.
I am grateful for prayers that helped me stay steadfast to a desire to focus on the positive possibilities rather than to give voice to doubts, fears or criticism.
I'm grateful for this first day of Advent.
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