Finding my way forward

The United Methodist Church has completed its special General Conference that was called in an attempt to determine a "way forward" after years of debate and disagreement on matters involving homosexuals in the life of the church.

By a narrow margin, delegates from the global denomination two days ago approved a "traditionalist" plan that maintains prohibitions within the church against same-sex unions and the ordination of self-avowed, practicing homosexuals.

A "one church plan" that was proposed as a way to allow churches and clergy to agree to disagree was defeated.

Those are oversimplifications. I'll try to come back later and add more detail and clarity.

I had hoped to express my observations on this process. Once again, I'm reminded of why I am no longer a professional journalist. In fact, I find myself wondering how I ever had been! Whatever clarity I ever had in writing about such things (yes, I spent several years as a religion writer!) has vanished.

On Facebook that night, I shared a United Methodist News Service report on the decision. I included these thoughts:

I did not expect this outcome. I'm not optimistic this has settled anything. One impassioned response read: "you cannot love someone and hold them as separate. You cannot love someone and hold them as different. You CANNOT love someone and treat them as less." That weighs heavily on my heart. Jesus calls us to love. He also said go and sin no more. What is sin? I'm no judge. I try to use the Bible as a guide. Sometimes the words and meanings are unclear to me. I do know I had prayed and fervently hoped the Holy Spirit would move through this conference to find a way forward with a demonstration of love perhaps as had never seen before, something only God could do, to bring people with such divergent perspectives on Scripture into a place of holy understanding and relationship, to make disciples of Christ for the transformation of the world. I choose to believe the Holy Spirit is continuing to work. I pray for the United Methodist Church, for the church universal and for all of God's creation. And I pray to know how God would have me respond in love and humble obedience, to His glory.

I'm very aware that I want to believe what I believe and not have people think I'm hateful. The thing I struggle with is that I'm not a Bible scholar, and I don't think Scriptures are clear on these matters. Is sin the bigger deal? Or is love? Is homosexuality a sin? Is there such a thing as speaking the truth in love? Is this a cultural problem or a spiritual problem? 

I've known for a long time that I want to be a peace-maker and a people-pleaser. I want to plant seeds of harmony, not discord. I want people to get along. I want people to understand me and like me. And I want to understand people and to like them.

I also want to honor God. I think that's the most important thing.

And I cannot clearly see what actions and response are truly the ones that honor God.

So I continue to pray and study and ask and listen. I will continue to worship and love and serve. I will continue to trust God.

Seeking and trusting God as I try not to overthink this

As a lifelong Methodist, I'm very interested in the special General Conference of the United Methodist Church that is set to begin Saturday in St. Louis. The task at hand is to find "a way forward" in which the church can remain united despite major differences of opinion and belief on whether homosexuality is compatible with Christian teaching.

United Methodist principles and laws currently say it is not, but this has been debated at least since 1972. In addition to the language in the Social Principles about incompatibility with Christian teaching, other disputed rules involve whether self-avowed homosexuals should be able to be ordained as clergy and whether United Methodist pastors can officiate at same-sex unions and also whether such ceremonies can take place at United Methodist churches. Right now, none of those things are sanctioned, although it is known that they have occurred.  


I am still learning and praying. I’m trying to understand how what always seemed clear to me is clearly different to many others. I wholeheartedly believe God is at work in this. I know He wants us love Him and to love our neighbors as ourselves. But what about sin? What is sin? What is holy? Whose interpretation of the Bible am I supposed to believe? The good news and saving grace for me is that I don’t have to agree with people to love them, work with them and care about them.

 Some of the things I’m working through are:
— all the things in the Bible that seem clearly forbidden but are freely embraced today (such as some of what women are allowed to do; and the punishments for wrong);
— the greatest commandment is to love God and to love our neighbor as ourself, but how does the second part of that play out if I and my neighbor disagree on whether something is harmful? I may think I’m acting in love, trying to protect them from what I see as the error of their ways. They may think I am judging.
— Do justice. Love mercy. Walk humbly.
— I’m also having to work through my fear that people I love and care about might not accept or understand why I believe what I believe. I want to be able to have conversations, which requires me to be clear, at least to myself, about what I believe and why. And I’m a slow, questioning learner, so a crash course won’t be much help, but the thought of starting over, reading the Bible from the beginning again and praying for discernment and clarity, seems overwhelming!!

It's that new covenant that came when God sent His son Jesus to die for our sins that many/seems like most of my friends say is why a committed, loving, same-sex union is acceptable to God. Jesus came to save the world, not to condemn the world. Who am I to judge? So, I don't judge. I can't say I agree either. Which to some means I'm being judgmental. 

I continue to pray for discernment and grace.

FOMO no more (or at least not as much!)

I first wrote this in another context, but it's BLOG DEADLINE, and this could actually work!

Identifying and claiming my FOMO is one of the most freeing things I’ve been able to do recently. It’s another example of how when it’s time, I will learn and remember. 

 

I think it was a week or two ago that I read something on Facebook about FOMO. (It was part of an article or post on why many people are so attached to social media.) 

 

I could not remember what it stood for. When I looked it up again, it was like, “WOW!!” Fear of missing out is what has driven so much of my mental and emotional chaos and paralysis in decision-making with my family and life in general. 

 

I know I’ve been aware of it before. It seems much more relevant now. 

 

AND, for today — by the grace of God as I’ve kept my mind open to changes — it’s not impossible for me to let it go. It’s OK if I miss out. It might even be a relief!!

How many times ...

This may seem disgusting, but it’s actually an amazing joy and relief!!

I called to let the church custodian know not to toss the bathroom trash before I could go through it, because I had lost my Aggie ring (again!) and that was one of the last places I could think of it might be (because it was so cold in there during a meeting, and the ring might have come off when I dried my hands).


After the meeting, I was continuing to look in my kitchen garbage as I was calling, because I had broken a jar of salsa right before I left for church and thought maybe the ring came off when I was cleaning that up. But I had already looked once in my trash, and I wasn’t optimistic a more thorough search would have any better results, especially since I didn’t really think that was where I lost it. 

Before I could finish explaining to Debbie’s husband (who had been at the church when I noticed my ring was missing and tried unsuccessfully to find it) why I was calling, I saw something shiny and round — could it be?? Yes! My ring!! So instead of saying I needed to go through the church trash, I was able to celebrate I had found the lost ring!!! I thanked Larry, saying I’m not sure how he did it, but I sure am glad he helped me find it!!! I know I was praying, and I think he and a few others from the meeting likely were, too.


As always when I lose keys, rings or other jewelry, which happens way too often, I pray because I believe God welcomes those kinds of prayers as well as those on weightier matters. I’m praying as much for calmness and guidance and focus and wisdom in searching and-or when to give up as I am to find it. But without a doubt I am grateful and relieved and give God the glory when the lost is found!!

Always something new

No, I haven't really caught up with the Proverbs 31 Online Bible Study using Lysa TerKeurst's book "It's Not Supposed to Be This Way."


But yes, I accepted a new 21-day reading challenge offered by the YouVersion Bible app today.

"How would it change your life to give God's word a daily voice? Let's find out! Make today the first day of your Bible habit."

I selected a plan called "21 Days of Powerful Breakthroughs." We shall see.

And it's not the start of my daily Bible habit. According to the YouVersion app, I have a string of 40 days (4 PERFECT WEEKS) and have completed 8 plans, starting with an Advent series in early December.

I don't understand and can't explain why accepting this challenge seems like the right thing to do. It just does. I'm eager to see what God has in store for me.