One good thing

So, I wanted to make three blog posts tonight, and if I publish this, I will fulfill that desire.

Why don't I feel fulfilled?

If you're reading this and read the previous posts, the answer should be obvious. The posts are pretty pointless. I can't really even classify them as placeholders, because I never go back to fill in the gaps.

And yet, suddenly, I do feel a bit of satisfaction.

I think it's as simple as this being something I did for me. I don't have time to come up with something better. I just wanted to post words. And I did it.

And now I'll go to bed.

And I'll wake up knowing I checked this off a list.

And hope will continue to spring. God knows my heart, even if I'm not sharing it in words and actions as I would prefer to do. This is another vague step toward that goal. And that's a good thing.

A few of my favorite things

As best I recall, my favorite moments of July included:

-- helping with Aunt Amy's Basketball Camp for children of our nieces and nephews. If I had had a teacher like Amy, I might have played basketball beyond my freshman year of high school. I had the realization that basketball was one of many experiences growing up where I either never was really taught or just could not understand the teaching at the time. Now that I'm 61, some of what Amy taught the kids made shooting and dribbling make a lot more sense. It was fun. I bought a basketball for camp and have continued to dribble some and even went to the basketball goal in the neighborhood park one day to shoot some hoops. Now if I just had someone to join me!

-- singing, whether it be practicing songs or providing music for a celebration of life.

-- twirling a baton.

-- fishing.

-- playing with a kitty.

I'm pretty sure I'm forgetting some good moments that involved other people.

And the truth is, some of my best moments weren't those fun kinds of things. They were times when I knew I was being helpful to someone. Such as when I mowed the grass twice while my husband was traveling; watering sod twice a day; helping edit a newsletter; taking the lead in a major revision of a job description for a committee; visiting and picking up donations from an isolated friend ...

Bible reading and study.

Zoom Sunday school classes and 12-step meetings.

Worship in person and online.

Walking with my husband.

Expressing gratitude.

Decisions, decisions!

Decisions!

They are typically what derail my good intentions for a day.

And the decisions typically start early, often before the alarm even sounds.

I tend to awaken before I consider it time to get up, and then I have to decide what to do. This decision is typically easy: If the alarm hasn't gone off, I'm not getting up!

In recent months, I've used this time, sometimes two hours before the alarm, to read Scripture and Bible lessons. Then I can usually go back to sleep.

That's actually one of my easier decisions of a day. They seem to get harder after that.

And the slowness with which I decide inevitably brings me to the end of the day, wondering where the time went.

That's also becoming the pattern for a week or a month. I lose time and miss opportunities while trying to decide -- then the end or the deadline arrives, and the result of my indecision is that I've accomplished little that I thought I desired to do.

For some reason, I thought deciding to write a blog post would be a good choice. I thought it might inspire some creativity and fuel some motivation. I decided to give it a try.

Apparently not.

Will I ever get out of this slump?

I choose to believe I will. I believe that's a good decision.

Hope springs eternal. Great is God's faithfulness.

Where does the time go?

So often I want to write on this blog, and I don't find time. And when I have a chance to sit and write, I can't remember what I was going to write about.

And now it's July 15. This month is half over, and I could not resist at least checking in.

I guess that's all it will be.

For whatever it's worth, I choose not to be disappointed.

More to come!