What's that I hear?

What's that I hear? 

Could it be sweet music of life, even in 2020? 

Time will tell ....

A hymn of joyful praise

 The Thanksgiving hymn saga continues. I drafted a post about it last night, and now it has disappeared. I'm going to publish this as the first of two placeholders tonight. I hope to complete this post after meeting some other deadlines. I will see how that works out.

Added 12-8-20 from notes of that Sunday: 

>> Gratitude (2): God, thank You that I awoke w/o a headache, I was able to sing w/confidence & joy, & Gene was there 2 record. Thank You that I don’t have to deal w/the emotions I’m sure I would have experienced had there been no recording other than the livestream. I pray to trust You in all things — including the inevitable time to come when things don’t turn out to my satisfaction. I want to trust You and praise You in all things and in all circumstances, to Your glory; 

Above all, gratitude for God

More than anything, this Thanksgiving Day in 2020, I am grateful for God’s goodness, greatness and grace. 

God is the source of everything good. Today, I resolve again to take nothing for granted. I worship and praise Him for Who He is. 

On the evening before Thanksgiving, I immersed myself in God’s truth. I want thankfulness to be ingrained in my life. 

“Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, Rejoice. Let your gentleness be known to everyone. The Lord is near. Do not worry about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Finally, beloved, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is pleasing, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence and if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things. Keep on doing the things that you have learned and received and heard and seen in me, and the God of peace will be with you.”
‭‭Philippians‬ ‭4:4-9‬ ‭NRSV‬‬

“... give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you.”
‭‭1 Thessalonians‬ ‭5:18‬ ‭

Thanksgiving Day brought tears of joy and gratitude, tempered a bit by my sense of unworthiness and shame that is so hard to fully shake. 

It’s OK that my husband and I chose to mostly social distance on the lake this Thanksgiving Day, fishing. 

It was heartwarming to read of family and friends gathering. Especially touching was to know that my 85-year-old Mom made a full Thanksgiving dinner, even though she only knew for sure that one of her six children would partake. 

Even better was that another of my sisters, who led the effort to make sure that 145 Thanksgiving meals were prepared for home bound people in her community, was grateful to be able to share Mom’s Thanksgiving dinner. Becky was following in the footsteps of her granny, and her husband was carrying on the legacy of his recently deceased mother. 

I love these connections of faith, family and friendship. 

Gene and I were able to enjoy leftovers later at Mom’s, with the sister who is visiting there for the holiday and also our brother. We distanced while eating and wore masks the rest of the time. 

I spent a lot of time focused on God, with mostly private moments of worship and praise. I do believe God also receives our acts of kindness and service and our expressions of thanksgiving to others as a form of worship and praise to Him. 

Thanksgiving Day has become my time to renew my focus on the importance of doing these things, not just the fourth Thursday of November but in my daily life.

Sabbath

Could it be that my sabbath is waiting in line at CVS? In all things, I will give God thanks and praise. 

When I got up this morning, I couldn’t decide whether I should go to church or not. My indecision was fueled by the spike in COVID-19 cases in Oklahoma, along with knowing my husband had been around people who tested positive for COVID-19, plus knowing I have a doctor's appointment in the morning I don't want to miss. I was aware of extreme fatigue from trying to make right decisions during the continued pandemic while also being frustrated by missing out on things. I was also going through the weirdness of my husband returning last night after two weeks of travel, but us needing to distance in the house until he can be tested.

So, when I came to a decision this morning, it was to not go. I put on my workout clothes and prepared to get on the treadmill. Then my husband said something that changed my mind so I quickly showered (including washing my hair, which adds significantly to the getting ready routine), ate breakfast, got dressed and went to church, arriving only a couple of minutes late. 

It was a great service. I was glad to be there. The sermon, focusing on The Lord's Prayer, and the special music richly ministered to me. Afterward, I was able to practice a vocal duet with piano accompaniment I will be part of, God willing, next week.

After that, I went to Natural Grocers to get my multivitamin that was on sale for half-price. When I'm there, I always look for other bargains on things I only get at that store. I found several things of interest.

When I left the house, I knew I planned to go to church, to Natural Grocers and to CVS to pick up a couple of prescriptions. I was unsure about going to Walmart. In my car after finishing at NG, I called my husband to talk it out. I decided to go on to WM, knowing I would regret it if I didn't (because there were things I needed to get, and I would not want to go out again after I got home). 

Walmart started fine but quickly took a slow turn, and I soon began to get weary, with so many people going the wrong direction down the crowded aisles. When it was time to check out, after I had all my items on the self-check conveyor belt, I discovered the belt wasn't working. No big deal -- I could push them along. Then a couple of items wouldn't scan, so I had to get the customer-service rep to help. Still OK. It wasn't until I tried to pay and it required I get approval again that I started to feel annoyed. I was glad to get out of there. 

In my car, I headed out of the parking lot in the direction of CVS. I was stopped by road construction and had to backtrack then go another way. OK. Breathe. No big deal I guess. Listening to the positive and encouraging music of KLove Christian music always helps.

I looped around another way, then headed on to CVS. There, I saw four cars ahead of me. Sigh. Will I wait or go on? I decided to wait. It took more than 30 minutes. 

It was during the wait that I recalled my morning meditation about the importance of sabbath. When I read it, I knew it was something I don't really understand how to do. It seemed unrealistic. There's always work to do on Sunday, even if all one does is go to church. Of course, I had much more in my plans today that just going to church. 

I was grateful to realize I could worship God while I wait. 

When I got home, I put away the groceries, then dressed to go for a walk, despite the 53-degree (feels like 49) assessment from my Weather Channel app. I'm glad I went. It's the first time I've walked in this area while wearing a mask; the cool weather made the face covering welcome. I saw some kind of bird, perhaps a hawk, I'd never seen before. I was aware of God's presence with me.

After my walk, I sat down at my computer to try to do some prep work for tomorrow's doctor's appointment. I took a quick look at Facebook first, and was delighted to find that a concert I had wanted to attend this weekend in Texas was streamed on Facebook. That may have been the best gift of the day, although it turned out there were many.

Before I got to that point of recalling the need for sabbath in the line at CVS, I was feeling so weary, I was on the verge of tears. I still may cry, although now they will be tears of gratitude and acceptance rather than despair and frustration. 

Another one of those days ....

Heavenly Father, are you telling me that the way I am, which I keep thinking is lame, is exactly the way I am supposed to be? After 2 hours reading Scripture, Bible study & praying, the next right thing again seems to be stepping on the treadmill while reading 12-step lit and spending a little time on social media. Then breakfast, call Warcup, work on kitties. Checking in with You moment by moment, trusting You to keep me where You would have me be. Now what Gene is doing comes to my mind. Would You have that be a distraction or an appointment? It seems to be an appointment. I trust You, Lord, to let me know. Same w/laundry & cookbook. I just giggled, at how gentle & loving You are. You know me & love me. You know what I need. Thank You! 

I wrote that as I prayed this morning. Reading it again tonight helps me let go and let God after a day that included emotional outbursts likely triggered by COVID-19 uncertainties as well as some remaining sadness and grief over a friend's death earlier this year and the reality that it's still not practical for me to adopt kitties. So much seems overwhelming and impossible, largely because of how inept I seem to be even on my best days.

So, to repeat: Reading the morning prayer again tonight helps me let go and trust God. You know me & love me. You know what I need. Thank You!

I am grateful. Thank You, God.

#Godblessthekitties

So I finally did this thing, after procrastinating since at least May. I wanted to help. My intentions were good. My heart was all-in. It seemed like I should be able to help. But twists of caring too much and wishing I could fix it myself and wanting a perfect outcome and feeling so sad over the loss of my friend and that I can't adopt two or three of this kitties kept me from getting it done. 

I've prayed and prayed. Including today. God increasingly told me He couldn't do His part until I did mine.

So is it God's timing or my procrastination that made today when these words and 22 photos were finally posted on Facebook?

Facebook still asks: What’s on your mind? What's on my mind & heart are a dozen or more sweet kitties related to my precious, dearly departed friend Ellie. These kitties need homes. I've been doing what I can to help support them (food & spay/neuter isn't cheap). All are litter-box trained. They also all are pretty skittish, because about the only person they see is Ellie’s son, Doug, with whom they live. We are pretty sure they would become friendly with new owners pretty quickly. 

Doug has gone above & beyond in loving and caring for them. But he has too many kitties in that house. (He has at least 5 adults and 3 kitties born this year in addition to the ones needing homes.) 

I've found myself thinking "What would Ellie do?" I don’t know that answer. I do know she loved her kitties, especially the adult kitties who kept her company in her last weeks & months. The first of the kittens were born before she died May 7. Several more litters arrived since, courtesy of cats that preferred to be outdoors & had not been spayed, plus an indoor cat that escaped outside before she could be spayed. 

It's been a logistical and financial challenge to get the tomcat caught and spayed, and then the mamas, and now some of the kittens as they get older. (The first ones were born in the spring; the latest maybe in late July.) 

I told Doug from the start I would help find homes for the kitties. I regret that, as usual, I kept putting it off. Now they are older & perhaps more challenging to find homes for. It breaks my heart that I can't take at least three of them. Do any of you need a kitty or two or know of someone who does? God bless any & all who can help. Most of these pictures are from when they were much younger. I can try to get new pictures for anyone who is interested or can help. #godblessthekitties 

How I long for these kitties to have good homes. Doug wants them to be indoor kitties, because their mamas likely were exposed to bobcat fever. I don't understand much about that, but he's adamant, after having to bury too many kitties who succumbed to the tick-borne sickness, including litter mates of some of these. 

It seems like I see posts every day from animal shelters and other sources with felines needing homes. Many of them are kittens; most likely are more social. 

In my mind, the possibility of my friends helping find homes for these seems unlikely. 

I also know that God knows how precious these kitties are -- and He understands they have emotional ties to my friend Ellie, for me as well as for her son. I've got to trust that God is in control and working for good. He's got the whole world in His hands, and that includes my heart and these kitties.

Banking in God's economy

I haven't posted here since Nov. 3. There's been a lot I've wanted to write about, but I'm not someone who will just sit down and write it when I think about it. It seems there are always more important things I should be doing. I deposit the blog thoughts into my memory bank. Unfortunately, that's not a safe place ... they never seem to be there when I am ready to withdraw them.

So I'll storm my brain, trying to recall some of those things that seemed worth noting. 

I guess I'll have to first sort through some of what's blocking the recollection. COVID fatigue. A general sense of unsettledness. And a project I said I would help with that is emotionally daunting. 

Day by day, there is so much to be grateful for.  If only I could shake the stress or anxiety that comes from the unfinished things. Even on days that seem filled with amazing blessings and happy moments, I experience moments of doubt, tiredness, confusion and being overwhelmed.

Fortunately, I was assured today of something I know, despite my doubt: That doubt isn't a sin, nor does it mean a lack of faith. 

Daily Bible reading continues to be vital. The verse of the day on the Bible app Nov. 12 was “and you will know the truth, and the truth will make you free.” ‭‭John‬ ‭8:32‬ ‭NRSV‬‬)

I read it one of those mornings when I was feeling the doubt. I asked myself: What is the truth?

Among the truths that come to mind:

For God so loved the world....

Nothing can separate me...

 

I can do all things through Christ ...

On another morning of struggle, I prayed:

Dear God,

I love You. You are above all. You alone are worthy of honor, glory, worship and praise.

I bow down before You in humility and submission. I am a sinner —prideful, vain, selfish, dishonest, hypocritical — unworthy to draw near to You, except through the providence of Your amazing grace. My most extravagant praise would fall short of expressing how grateful I am.

I thank You for receiving me and loving me as I am. You love me as I am. I am Your beloved! I thank You for Your presence. And I thank You for my family, friends, church, nation — the blessings they are to me and also the blessings with which You bless them. I thank You for travel mercies and for (a sister's) call and for the possibilities of this day.

And now I humbly bring my supplication. Lord, You know my heart and the needs of so many. The prayer list, with its joys and concerns. ...

Lord, You know that even when it comes to trying to pray with focus, I don’t know where to begin or end. And so I just have to trust You. I have to believe this is where You have me — and You have a purpose and plan for me, to use me as I am or to change me into what You need me to be. My job is to seek You, follow You, trust You and give You all thanks and praise. The tricky part for me, of course, is that it seems like I am resisting Your guidance. Or are You, Lord, holding me back for reasons You alone can see now?

All I know to do is pray. I pray for willingness to keep praying and trusting and serving You, Lord, to Your glory. Amen. 

Once again, these are not the things I came here to share. I hope and pray that by writing something and hitting "publish" I can move on to the next assignment. That has happened enough times that I believe it is possible. Maybe it's some kind of divine return on the deposits I thought I had lost in the memory bank?!?!? That makes sense in God's economy, where nothing is wasted (as a popular 12-step saying proclaims). 

So much to be grateful for

 I have a lot to write. This is a placeholder. 

I want to write about faith and prayer and gratitude. 

Blessings interspersed with walking, fishing, watching election returns. Seeing a beautiful sunset. 

Did it happen if I didn’t take a picture? 

God help me! And thank You, because I know You are!

Grateful for a beautiful start to November

 It was a perfect day for drive-in worship at Goodrich Memorial United Methodist Church. Who would have expected this on Nov. 1 after the ice storm of the final week of October? #allsaintsday #driveinworship #goodrich @ Goodrich Memorial United Methodist Church