Has anything changed?

After what I described as defining moments and answered prayers in Barcelona, I've found myself wondering: Has anything changed?

The answer seems to be yes and no.

No, because I'm still disorganized, I procrastinate, and I let opportunities slip by. And because I already believed in miracles but just hadn't given them as much thought.

Yes, because I don't think a day has gone by that I haven't prayed with renewed faith that God will intervene in what appear to be impossible situations.

So, I pray for miracles. As I do, I realize that sometimes the miracle is sanity. Patience. Gratitude. And sometimes it really is the desired thing that seems impossible except with God's intervention.

-- The soul and spirit of loved ones who are good people, but I'm not sure they have the relationship with Christ that my faith and theology tell me is essential for their eternal salvation.

-- Those troubled by addictions, compulsions and/or mental distress.

-- A dear couple going through heartache and heartbreak over children and parents.

-- A four-decades-plus marriage that seemed to be on a strong Christian foundation and an example for all, and now is coming to an end.

-- Chaos, conflict and oppression throughout the world.

-- Situations where hard-working, conscientious and dedicated workers are pushed to near impossible limits.

Really, I'm not sure whether these need miracles or just healing. I lift them up to the Lord, praying in faith, trusting Him.

Today's reading from a 12-step devotional seemed appropos for my Barcelona experience and also as I continue to pray for God's intervention in all those varied situations. It's a quote attributed to French dramatist Jean Anouilh: "True miracles are created by men when they use the courage and intelligence that God gave them."

Of course, I don't take that to mean that people create miracles, but I do believe God sometimes uses people to orchestrate His divine plan. And sometimes He doesn't.

Speaking of miracles, sometimes the words of Isaiah 40:28-31 seem miraculous. Is this really possible? And of course the answer is yes!

Have you not known? Have you not heard? The LORD is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He does not faint or grow weary; his understanding is unsearchable. He gives power to the faint, and strengthens the powerless. Even youths will faint and be weary, and the young will fall exhausted; but those who wait for the LORD shall renew their strength, they shall mount up with wings like eagles, they shall run and not be weary, they shall walk and not faint.

And the following aren't miracles, but they are promises and prayers I take to heart as I wrap this up:

“The Lord your God is with you, he is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you, he will quiet you with his love, he will rejoice over you with singing.” —Zephaniah 3:17

“The Lord make his face shine upon you and be gracious to you; the Lord turn his face toward you and give you peace.” —Numbers 6:25–26

Defining moments: Miracle in Barcelona

For all the glorious sights and experiences of my nine-day European cruise, the defining moments unfolded in an unplanned window of time as I found myself alone in the crowd of humanity at Barcelona's Park Guell, without identification, money, credit card or a phone.

Heading out about 8:45 a.m. Tuesday with a tour group for A Closer Look at Gaudi, I was thinking again that I was out of my element. Here I was on the final day of an expenses-paid cruise from Dover, England, to Barcelona, Spain, that I had done nothing to deserve and seemed unqualified to appreciate to its fullest. From the moment the travel opportunity came up, I had prayed to know whether to say yes, and also for understanding of God's will whether I accepted the trip or stayed home. The answers were still unclear. But the uncertainty did not keep me from enjoying the overall trip or this tour, which was taking the group past numerous notable buildings, including at least two designed by renowned Spanish artist and architect Gaudi.

Then we arrived at his Park Guell, a beautiful and fascinating creation with terraces, steps, houses, columns, colorful mosaics and designs. It wasn't crowded when we got there, but became more and more so. I was taking pictures as usual with my little Canon and my iPhone. All was going pretty well until the Canon quit working. I couldn't get it to come back on after it closed when not in use. I tried swapping out the batteries, and it still wouldn't work, and then I swapped memory cards. Still nothing. So I took the batteries out again and blew on them. And it came back on. What a relief!

By now, the group was heading back to the tour bus. Unfortunately, when I got there, I couldn't find the memory card. The original one. Which meant I had no pictures except those on the iPhone. I looked through all my stuff, and it wasn't there. What am I going to do? I mentioned it to the people around me and the tour guide, and she said there was no time to wait for me to go and look for it, which I knew. But she and several people seemed to be encouraging me to go back to look, and then to take a cab to the next stop: Gaudi's La Sagrada Familia. I finally decided to do that, after making sure I had money for the cab ride to the landmark cathedral.

Stepping out

As I stepped off the bus and walked unaccompanied back into the gardens, I started praying. I expressed praise and gratitude and trust in God. I acknowledged I was unworthy of a miracle, but humbly asked for one. I also affirmed to God my trust that, whatever happened, it would be OK, even though, by this time, I felt more "out of my element" than ever. I was aware that, without a guide to lead the way in the park crossed with many paths and levels, I was unsure even which way we had come while I was trying to get the camera to work.

At some point, I was thirsty and started trying to fish a water bottle out of my bag. I got my drink and kept going. Along the way I also saw a cat and had to take a picture, even as I became aware I probably wouldn't find my little camera case and the memory card within it. I knew I didn't have all day to look, because I was to rejoin the tour at the La Sagrada Familia. I decided to call my husband and just tell him I had lost the memory card with all my pictures, but that I knew there could be much worse things to lose, so I would just go on.

And then I began to experience what could only be classified at the moment as "much worse." I could not find my phone. And as I kept looking, I realized I could not find my wallet, either. Usually the phone was in a zippered pocket on the outside of my nylon backpack, and the wallet was in a smaller bag inside the nylon one. But in my rush to make sure I had money and phone before getting off the tour bus, they ended up together in the smaller bag.

I didn't know whether one of the pickpockets I had been warned about had gotten it, or if it had fallen out when I got the water. All I knew was that I now was in a busy city park in Barcelona without identification, money, credit card or a phone.

No longer was I praying for a little miracle. I knew I needed a big one.

Here, the idea that I don't deserve a miracle -- nor did I deserve the trip -- returned. Still, I prayed. In faith. With confidence. Not knowing what to expect.

Instead of writing notes about sites in Barcelona, I began filling my journal with what was in my mind, trying to stay focused and calm, writing out prayers: "Lord, I trust You. I thank You for Your presence." Lessons: "Don't go alone! Never go alone! And even so, trust God. Trust God. Don't cry. Pray for calm. Seek help." "Be gracious." "I trust You, God. It will be OK."

Having no idea where this would lead or how long it would last, my first stop was the bathroom, then I checked with the gift shop in the area where I had looked for the camera card. The young clerk spoke English and said items that are found sometimes are brought there, but my bag had not come. He told me where I might find police to help me. I looked some more for the bag containing my phone, money and ID, praying and hoping against hope, but didn't find it.

Meanwhile, by about 11:30 a.m., a police van had come to the gift shop area. Fortunately, one of the Barcelona Guardia Urban's finest spoke some English, and eventually he was able to reach the cruise line by telephone. An official there suggested the policeman get me a taxi and assure the driver the fare would be paid when I arrived at the terminal. (It never occurred to me or the police to call my cellphone! Duh! That's another lesson to learn from this.)

Overwhelmed

It was in the taxi that emotions started to overwhelm me as I thought of the lost pictures and the lost opportunity -- and how helpless I felt. I also felt embarrassed, stupid, humbled, grateful -- but fortunately never really scared or alone.

Still, tears formed. All my pictures. Gone. Credit card, gone. Driver's license, gone. Euros and U.S. currency, gone. (At least I knew my passport, the identification needed to fly home, was on the ship.) "If possible, Lord, if it be Your will, please help me not cry. If it's better for me not to cry, please help me not cry. And if it's OK -- then let the tears flow. Or, perhaps, if the tears flow, please help it be OK." (The tears trickled, and it was OK.)

When the taxi arrived at the ship terminal, I was greeted by people from the cruise, who even before paying the fare informed me my bag had been found and would be back at the ship at 2:30. (This was about 1 p.m.) I wasn't totally convinced, but felt hopeful. I got a new room key, then went up, praying and again trying to be positive but hesitant to get my hope up. Shortly, I had a phone message. It was Olivia, a member of my cruise group who also was on the Gaudi tour. She was excited to tell me she had found my bag. I could come and get it in the room next door. But when I got there, it was the camera bag and not the one with the phone, etc. What had been the object of my original search now seemed so insignificant. I felt crushed again. But I thanked her and expressed hope that, possibly, the information about the bag coming back at 2:30 might also be true. Dare I hope? How could I not?

Again, I kept praying, even as I was afraid to get my hopes up. I also considered whether to call Gene yet or wait until I knew whether the bag was found. (I knew that if it wasn't found, I would need my husband's help in canceling credit cards and making other arrangements to get me home. And if it was found, did he even need to know about all this before I got home?) But right around 2:30, the desk called and said my bag with phone and wallet was there. I felt such relief. Oh my. Thank you, God!

It wasn't clear to me where the bag had been or who brought it to the ship, but I was just glad to have it back.

As soon as I had my iPhone, I used it to get online and check email. And I saw Gene had emailed me just after 11 a.m. (4 a.m. Oklahoma time). "Call ASAP. Lost handbag?" As soon as I saw it (about 2:45 in Barcelona and 8:45 in OK), I texted: "Handbag is found. You can call me when you get this or have a chance." He replied that he couldn't call out, so I called him. Little did I know ...

Meanwhile, in the U.S. ...

Gene told me he had been awakened at 4:03 a.m. by a call from my cell phone number. "And it's a guy, speaking English. Good English. Not even an accent." The man said a bag with this phone had been found. And this was the last number called. Gene said it must belong to me, his wife, and that I was on a Crystal cruise. The man said he would make sure the bag and phone get back to the ship. Of course, Gene is wondering what happened to me. "I'm literally thinking you are in the hospital or dead." He knows I often take my purse and phone with me even when I go to the bathroom at home, so for me to be separated from them seemed serious. Had I been kidnapped?

After a couple hours of wondering and worrying, at about 6:30 (7:04?), Gene called my number back, trying to get more information about what was going on. The man said the bag was being taken back to the ship (but he apparently had no idea where I was). Gene said he had not been able to contact me, so the man gave him a phone number for the ship. Gene called and talked to someone on the ship, but that didn't really provide any clarity as to my whereabouts.

So, while I had no idea Gene was aware that my bag had been lost and found, he had no clue about where I was or whether anything had happened to me until I called after 2:30 p.m. Barcelona time (8:48 OK time). (As best I can tell, that was at least four hours without him knowing; some of the times and numbers don't quite add up, based on what Gene and I remember and what time stamps on emails and texts reflect.)

Everything in its place

That night, I met my cruise group for a small party, but decided not to go back into Barcelona with them. I wanted to try to track down the rest of the story of who found my bag and how it got back to the ship and thank whomever was involved.

And, amazingly, I did! The woman at the ship's front desk said the person who brought it back was one of Crystal's ambassador hosts, and he was in the Stardust Club dancing. So I headed that way, and when I was about there, a woman going the other way looked at me and exclaimed, Are you the woman with the lost bag? I said, um, yes. I asked what she knew about that, and she said she and the woman with her were among the people who found my bag and brought it back. So I met her and her sister-in-law -- and the host who was the excursion's escort.

They were with a different tour going through Park Guell. They gathered in an area with benches, and some sat down. When they got up to go on, someone noticed the bag. They thought it belonged to someone from their group, but no one claimed it. As they tried to decide what to do with it, they saw the iPhone. Only one knew how to use it and decided to call last number. That's the call that awakened Gene, who was in Arkansas for a conference.

They could tell by the iPhone pictures that I was on their ship. Plus, one of the women said she recognized me (from my driver's license picture?) as someone on the ship. Of course, like Gene, they had no idea where I was or what had happened to me, so they were quite concerned and were praying, too.

They had been as interested in finding me as I was in finding them. They had checked with the desk later to find out if I had returned to the ship and were relieved to know I did. But we all were glad to get the chance to meet, take pictures, express gratitude to each other -- and thank God!

I've always had faith and an awareness that God loves me, never leaves me and works all things for good as I seek Him and trust Him. And if you asked, I would say I believe in miracles. I believe that, on Tuesday, Sept. 10, 2013, I experienced a miracle in Barcelona. I see no way except for God's perfect, divine intervention that all my lost or misplaced things could have made their way back to me. I just don't think that could all happen by chance.

While I missed my coveted visit to the architecturally and spiritually significant La Sagrada Familia (known, among other things, as a work in progress more than 100 years after it was started), God visited me -- His own work in progress -- in an intimate, powerful and transformative way. I stand in awe of His amazing grace and pray to respond to His glory.

An ongoing project

I'm back from the cruise.

It was wonderful.

I've been trying to compose reflections about it, but each time I've gotten bogged down with details. There is so much I want to write down -- for my records and to share -- but it is taking more time than I had hoped to make sense of it all. So, it will be an ongoing project.

The "Wisdom from Oswald Chambers" I encountered and shared before the trip was helpful along the way:

"When you are joyful, be joyful; when you are sad, be sad. If God has given you a sweet cup, don’t make it bitter; and if He has given you a bitter cup, don’t try and make it sweet; take things as they come." Shade of His Hand, 1226 L

"Take things as they come." That's what I did and continue to do.

My expenses-paid "European Embrace" aboard the Crystal Serenity was indeed a sweet cup, with many opportunities to feel joyful, refreshed and blessed. God revealed His presence, trustworthiness and power in new, transformative ways, and I pray to be faithful in my response. This, too, is an ongoing project.

Trip prep (or, paraphrasing Oswald Chambers: Don't make a sweet cup bitter)

Some people get ready for a vacation by planning, shopping and packing.

No matter how hard I try to change my ways, my standard approach includes some sort of meltdown as I get stuck in the planning phase. I make lists and try to be methodical and organized, but I seem to run out of time before getting much done. When there wasn't much time to start with, that makes things particularly interesting as departure date nears.

So, here I am again, headed on a grand trip that appears to be so much more sophisticated than I am. I am not complaining. I'm just documenting.

My most important preparation continues to be spiritual. Maybe I need counseling in addition to prayer, but right now, I can't find time for that. (And when I tried counseling in the past, it just seemed to add to the confusion!)

So, I continue to pray and write and express and find my way in trusting God.

In my prayer journal on Aug. 24: Lord, it seemed like You paved the way, because so many things had to fall into place quickly for it to even be possible. And that is my only hope for having confidence that I can do this with grace and graciousness, to Your glory. ... You know I now am second-guessing whether I should have said yes -- or should I have at least attempted to acquiesce to whoever was interested. ... But I guess I'm committed now. I do believe I will see that it is Your will and plan -- even a gift. Please help me know what to do, how to prepare -- and what Your purpose is for me. To Your glory. ... Focus on You. Trust You. Lean not on my own understanding.

Later: Right now I'm thinking the lesson is that just because I could doesn't mean I should have said yes. But the flip side is I would never do anything if I had to feel certain. Either I will learn I can do anything, or I will decide it's time to simplify more and be even more discerning before I say yes.

And then: I prayed from the start and continue to. So, why am I still so full of doubt? Lord, I believe. Help my unbelief. You are the only companion I need. Help me walk humbly with you. Be not afraid. Trust and obey. Believe.

By the end of the day, I wrote to a friend: I think I am terrified, actually. .. I am not nearly a confident enough traveler to be doing this on my own. Why, oh, why did God let me think I could? ... I guess I'll find out!

The odd thing about that is that I traveled alone to Israel and to Jordan years ago, meeting up with groups when I got there. I don't remember this level of anxiety. But the good news is that even while I feel this crazy anxiety, I also feel an excitement, peace and a strong level of faith that God is with me and guiding me and forcing me to stay humble.

Saturday, the 24th, was the meltdown day. Since then, it's just been a frantic pace of trying to stay focused on all I need to do, while not missing work before I leave.

Scriptures and devotional writers have been great help. Following a reading in My Utmost for His Highest on Sunday was this quote from Oswald Chambers: "When you are joyful, be joyful; when you are sad, be sad. If God has given you a sweet cup, don’t make it bitter; and if He has given you a bitter cup, don’t try and make it sweet; take things as they come." (Shade of His Hand)

From Utmost and Chambers on Aug. 26: "With regard to the problem that is pressing in on you right now, are you 'looking unto Jesus' (Hebrews 12:2) and receiving peace from Him? If so, He will be a gracious blessing of peace exhibited in and through you. But if you only try to worry your way out of the problem, you destroy His effectiveness in you, and you deserve whatever you get. ... When a person confers with Jesus Christ, the confusion stops, because there is no confusion in Him. Lay everything out before Him, and when you are faced with difficulty, bereavement, and sorrow, listen to Him say, 'Let not your heart be troubled ...'” (John 14:27).

It still seems somewhat surreal the circumstances under which I will be flying to London to embark on a nine-day cruise to Barcelona. I certainly am not more deserving than other people at work or anywhere in my acquaintance that never get such opportunities. I guess I just happened to be in the right place at the right time. As I've written before, I struggle with feelings of guilt or shame that God continues to allow these blessings into my life -- and I just don't seem to do much with them, at least from my perspective. I am so simple -- except for the complexity of my mind that never stops spinning.

And yet: If God has given you a sweet cup, don’t make it bitter; and if He has given you a bitter cup, don’t try and make it sweet; take things as they come."

Exciting times!

I announced some cool news to my closest family members today, and now I will share it with a somewhat wider group.

First, BASS announced today that Gene will be their conservation director starting Jan. 1. He was in Michigan today as preparation began for a Bassmasters Elite Series tournament, and that's when it was officially announced. He will take early retirement from his job with the Oklahoma Department of Wildlife Conservation at the end of this year. And no, he will not have to move to Birmingham, where BASS is based now, although he will travel there and other places for them quite a bit. He will work from home. Very exciting!

And I am going on a 9-day European cruise as a travel junket for the paper. I will fly to London, where I will board the Crystal Serenity, and sail to Barcelona, with stops along the way at ports in France, Portugal and Spain.

This will be the fourth amazing trip I've been able to take in my 30-plus years at the paper. As is always the case on these trips, it's pretty short notice, and timing had to work out just right. And when those kinds of things happen, I feel grateful and humbled and perplexed. My perspective always is that good things don't come apart from God -- and that when they come, I want to be sure to respond in a way that glorifies Him. (For the record, my perspective also is that when seemingly bad things come, I want to be sure to respond in a way glorifies Him.)

Anyone who knows me or has followed "That's the Spirit" may realize just how crazy this all seems to me. I struggle to pack for an overnight trip to Texas to see my mom or a weekend trip to Arkansas to see my brother and his family. Truth be told, it's good I don't have weeks and weeks to plan for this trip, because I always end up waiting until the last minute anyway and would just feel bad about not being better prepared. At least now I have an excuse!

I have much more I want to write about these bits of exciting news, but this is where I will leave it for now, except to add a couple of Scripture/devotional references. In both of these instances, even with the excitement of the opportunities, I could easily have let fear, doubt or uncertainty keep me from saying yes or being supportive. It's only through praying, letting God's words through Scripture sink in, and trusting God that I have confidence in our choices and decisions.

The Scripture from last week's post is fitting again tonight: Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight. (Proverbs 3:5–6)

And from today's Jesus Calling: "You are walking along the path I have chosen for you. ... Do not worry about what other people think of you. ... Stay on the path of Life with Me. Trust Me wholeheartedly, letting My Spirit fill you with Joy and Peace."

But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law. (Galatians 5:22–23)

Searching for something of value

It's the dreaded deadline, and I can think of nothing of value to write. More accurately, I can think of nothing of value that I have time to make sense of. So -- I guess it's time for another placeholder post. And as I've learned in the past, even this has value, at least for me.

I had hoped to come up with something short and sweet.

I don't have time to write about lessons I've learned from Josh and Johnny (and I guess, before that, Toby).

Nor is there time right now to get into values; how much is enough; and what is important.

Today, I found great value in a spare keyboard that I was able to confiscate after I spilled nearly a whole cup of hot cocoa/coffee on mine at work shortly before I left. It would be prudent of me to banish beverages from my desk, but I just don't know whether I can.

And I was reminded of the tremendous value of Scripture and faith in God when I reread the Aug. 7 devotional from Jesus Calling, a bit of which I am repeating here: "Understanding will never bring you Peace. That’s why I have instructed you to trust in Me, not in your understanding. Human beings have a voracious appetite for trying to figure things out, in order to gain a sense of mastery over their lives. But the world presents you with an endless series of problems. As soon as you master one set, another pops up to challenge you. The relief you had anticipated is short-lived. Soon your mind is gearing up again: searching for understanding (mastery), instead of seeking Me (your Master). ... As you look to Me, you gain awareness of this precious Peace."

The related Scriptures:

Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight. Proverbs 3:5–6

Now may the Lord of peace himself give you peace at all times and in every way. The Lord be with all of you. 2 Thessalonians 3:16

Another good start

Evidence that August has started well is that I was OK even as my last-minute but well-intentioned weekend plans didn't work out, then a key co-worker's maternity leave started 10 days early on Monday.

I am starting to experience more benefits of the day schedule, including being able to attend my artist friend's gallery show opening in the Paseo on Friday. Then, Saturday, it came naturally to go to my 12-step meeting in Norman instead of drive to OKC.

I wanted to go to Texas with Gene, but it turned out I would not have been able to visit Mom, who was out of town for the weekend, nor Gene's sister, who had plans Saturday evening. So Gene and I enjoyed a movie ("Two Guns") and dinner out on Saturday, then he headed to Texas Sunday while I stayed in Norman for church and my other usual activities. Though it wasn't my preferred way to spend the weekend, it ended up being peaceful and restful.

The relaxed weekend became a godsend when I got to work Monday and the first person I saw was the one who would be filling in when a key day shift person was on maternity leave. I thought (hoped!!) maybe she was there for training, but no: the baby was born Sunday and maternity leave has begun 10 days early.

So, just when I was getting comfortable with the schedule and work routine, it returned to a new but hopefully short-lived form of chaos.

I seem to be making progress with a healthy degree of acceptance that it's OK not to be all and do all. The reality is that I can't be all and do all even when I try, but I typically waste mental and spiritual energy fighting that reality.

As usual, some Scriptures and devotionals have been timely in this first week of August.

From My Utmost for His Highest on Aug. 5, drawn from Luke 18:31,34 -- ". . . and all things that are written by the prophets concerning the Son of Man will be accomplished.’ . . . But they understood none of these things . . . "

If we are in fellowship and oneness with God and recognize that He is taking us into His purposes, then we will no longer strive to find out what His purposes are. ... we are less inclined to say, “I wonder why God allowed this or that?” ... we begin to see that the compelling purpose of God lies behind everything in life, and that God is divinely shaping us into oneness with that purpose. A Christian ... trusts in the knowledge and the wisdom of God, not in his own abilities.

Aug. 1 Utmost: "When Jesus finished commanding His twelve disciples . . . He departed from there to teach and to preach in their cities." Matthew 11:1

He comes where He commands us to leave. If you stayed home when God told you to go because you were so concerned about your own people there, then you actually robbed them of the teaching of Jesus Christ Himself. When you obeyed and left all the consequences to God, the Lord went into your city to teach ... If you say, “I know that He told me to go, but my duty is here,” it simply means that you do not believe that Jesus means what He says.

He works where He sends us to wait. “. . . tarry . . . until . . .” (Luke 24:49). “Wait on the Lord” and He will work (Psalm 37:34). But don’t wait sulking spiritually and feeling sorry for yourself, just because you can’t see one inch in front of you! Are we detached enough from our own spiritual fits of emotion to “wait patiently for Him”? (Psalm 37:7). Waiting is not sitting with folded hands doing nothing, but it is learning to do what we are told.