Friday, August 3, 2012

Confessions of a spiritual chikin, Part 2

I didn't go out of my way to go to Chick-fil-A to "eat mor chikin" on Wednesday, but I did disrupt my Wednesday routine to skip going to Target. I actually thought I would go to Target anyway, because they have at least one thing I get each week that I can only find there. But I couldn't shake the thought it would make me not only a spiritual chikin but a hypocritical spiritual chikin. (See CSC, P1.) Because I really do believe God's ideal for marriage is one man and one woman for life. I know lots of other situations occur for any number of reasons, and some seem so very understandable and justified. But I can't get myself to think that means God has changed His mind. I do believe He looks upon each of us with compassion, even when we stray from His ideal, which He knows I often have and do, including as I have crossed what I consider moral lines I never, ever thought I would cross. And even though I could totally rationalize my choices and behaviors and felt free and entitled at the period of what I consider my worst transgression, I could never convince myself it was right, nor did God lead me to see how it could be right, as I never stopped praying, even when it seemed so hypocritical to do so. (What this has to do with Target is that the company is openly supportive of gay rights. And I do realize that support for gay RIGHTS and support for a traditional biblical concept of marriage need not be mutually exclusive. I also know that issues related to how that support is expressed are very complex and can be divisive.)

Meanwhile, I DID go to Walmart on Wednesday, which I figure people on both sides of this marriage debate could tell me a number of reasons why it's a bad place to spend my money and not a very good Christian witness at all. Which just confirms what I already know: I'm still much more self-focused than spiritually guided on many aspects of my life.

So, I continue to seek God's guidance as I try to live purposefully as a part of His creation. It hasn't gotten easier, and in fact this is being a very difficult time. But I believe God is leading me and teaching me and preparing me, and I pray to stay focused on Him. I thank God for His presence in my life and in this world, and I trust Him to work all things to His good, to His glory.

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