Tuesday, October 28, 2014

The Shepherd, the Psalmist's Son and My Daddy's daughter

In a rare scheduling occurrence, I knew two weeks ahead of time when I would be attending what I consider my "home" church, where I spent most of my growing up years and where my mom and other family members still attend.

So, I did what I do, which was to ask if it would be OK for me to do a solo. My request was granted, and I began trying to choose a song.

I love to sing, but I am not a confident or trained vocalist. My heart says sing, but my mind often tries to talk me out of it. And that can make song selection difficult. For the most part, through the years, singing special music at church has become a spiritual adventure. The processes of song selection, practice, second guessing, finally singing it and trying not to keep doubting typically provide many lessons and insights. This time was no different.

I think the first song that came to mind was Mark Altrogge's "I Stand in Awe of You" (Ecclesiastes 5:7), a relatively new one to me that has words and a melody I love. "You are beautiful beyond description, too marvelous for words; too wonderful for comprehension, like nothing ever seen or heard. Who can grasp Your infinite wisdom? Who can fathom the depth of Your love? You are ... majesty, enthroned above. And I stand in awe of you ..." I have at least two hymnals with the song, but searched in vain to find either. At the same time, I wasn't convinced this was the song I would sing. I continued to pray.

Somewhere along the way, the thought of singing "Blessed Assurance" came to mind. I don't remember if this was before or after I realized it would be the Sunday before the anniversary of my Daddy's death (what is it now? three years ago?). But that song, which i sang at the celebration of Daddy's life, didn't seem right for now, either.

On Friday, as I read my favorite Jesus Calling devotional, one of the referenced Scriptures was the 23rd Psalm. And I became pretty sure that's what I wanted to sing. So I started looking for my sheet music of my favorite version. I could not find it, either.

Most of the time, along this journey, I end up finding my copies of the music, and that becomes a confirmation of my song choice. This time I did not. But I found ways to practice both songs without the music. When Sunday came, I wasn't sure which song I would sing. But I ended up singing "The New 23rd" by Ralph Carmichael. And it was the right choice.

I could beat myself up, wondering, when will I ever truly learn to just trust that God is going to work everything out -- and therefore I can skip all this stress? But I think it's possible what seems like stress I go through is maybe a refining process. I do know God works it for good.

I was grateful to be reminded of, and to share in music, the message of Our Lord as a gentle shepherd, as described by the Psalmist David, the man after God's own heart, and with whom I feel a special kinship through the name of my father, Charles Davidson, making me a daughter of the Psalmist's son.

"With blessing overflowing, His goodness and unfailing kindness shall be with me all of my life. And afterward, I will live with Him forever in His home." ("The New 23rd" by Ralph Carmichael)

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