All and none

It’s not a good morning when you get the blueberries for your yogurt out of the freezer and they are already thawed. I'm not sure what happened to my refrigerator overnight, but it wasn't working this morning. It may have been related to the storm that passed through Norman before bedtime, but even though a tornado touched down a few miles from here and we had some bright lightning and loud thunder, the lights never even flickered and none of the clocks reset. So I really think this old refrigerator just gave out. (How old, you may wonder? I'm unsure whether I should be proud or embarrassed, so I'm just sticking with "old" for now.)

Regardless of the cause, after praying for a calm spirit (peace), wisdom and direction, I quickly determined it wasn't anything I could quickly fix or reset. So, even as I continued getting ready for church, my focus switched to figuring out what to do with all this thawing food. My first priority was to find a way to stop the thawing and preserve or restore as much cold as possible. I tried to call my husband, who was out of town, to discuss the matter, but I couldn't reach him. So I make a half-joking Facebook post about the situation, ending with: Seriously, though, if you want some thawing fish, chicken, meatloaf, TV dinners or any number of other foods, might as well come and get it!

After reaching my husband, I headed out in search of dry ice. I went first to Walmart, which didn't have it, but the employee said Lowe's or Home Depot probably would. So I headed across the street to Lowe's, and the guy said the store didn't have dry ice, but I could get it at Walmart. I said, no, Walmart sent me here. He said Walmart always has it. OK. Whatever. I headed back to my car and made a quick update to my Facebook post, before  searching online for sources of dry ice. (Yes, I should have searched online first.) About the same time I hit on Homeland, that's the suggestion I got on Facebook. I called the store, I learned I could get dry ice there, and I was on my way again!

By the time I got the dry ice, I knew it would be too late to make it to church. I headed home and started packing coolers, still knowing I needed to find someone who could use this good food without having to refreeze it.

No one took me up on my sincere invitations on Facebook for people to come and dine with me. I looked up local shelters and food pantries, but most were closed, and no one answered at the ones I tried to call. Even with the dry ice, I didn't feel confident about keeping the food safe until Monday.

I went through the what-is-wrong-with-me self-talk, about how probably most people would just start cooking and take things to their neighbors or their homebound friends or those in need, or would somehow just know what to do, while I just know all the reasons why I don't do any of those things.

As usual, I had prayed at the start of this situation and had continued to along the way. I stayed calm and hopeful, managing not to stress out or panic. But about 3 p.m., I started to have a sick feeling that I wasn't going to find a  place for the food and that it would go to waste. And even though part of my calm had resulted from realizing -- and, I thought, accepting -- from the start that it was possible everything would go to waste and that would truly be OK, I knew I would feel guilty, ashamed and like a failure if it did.

So I prayed a little more fervently, writing the words to help me focus.

Lord, who can I call? This is when I feel so inept. Who can use this food before it spoils? And Lord, I pray that it not spoil. Help me know what to do to preserve as much of it as possible.

I pray for wisdom, intuition, courage or whatever You can provide to know what to do and where to begin. 

I know it's going to be OK. At worst, everything spoils.

But what a shame that would be. I'd feel very guilty/ashamed ....

My mind started to wander from prayer to wondering about the source of that guilt and shame ...

And the next thing I knew, I had an idea of what to do with the food.  One of the possibilities on my list of things to do Sunday afternoon had included the Cleveland County CROP Walk, which raises money and awareness for those in need of food. I had pretty much decided Saturday night that I wouldn't go to the walk, and that became even more apparent as the day unfolded.

But I decided that I could get there about the time they would be wrapping things up, and maybe I could connect with someone who could tell me what to do with this food. It was already in coolers with dry ice. All I had to do was carry the coolers to my car and head to Andrews Park.

So I did. And I met April, who said they were heading to the Food & Shelter headquarters, and that I could follow and drop off the food. So I did.

There's so much more to this story.

-- Spent $75 on dry ice. That would have been a nice donation in itself for those in need of food.

-- Our refrigerator is 33 years old and sounding more and more strained as it runs. I recall wondering a few weeks ago what I would do if it decided to quit working. But I forgot about those thoughts, and they did not return as my husband and I went grocery shopping and he spent the past week cooking roast, stew and meatloaf, packaging it for future meals and storing it in the freezer.

-- I usually buy groceries on Sunday but went a day early because I thought I might decide to go to the CROP Walk. Thus I had a full dozen eggs, a carton of yogurt, three frozen TV dinners and a large bag of frozen blueberries, among many other things.

-- I had considered returning to a retreat center east of Norman on Saturday, in which case I might not have been home until Sunday afternoon to discover the problem.

One of the conclusions I reach is that all of my plans, good intentions and actions matter, but in some respects, it's also true that none of my plans, intentions and actions matter that much.

Life happens. Things work out. They work out better for me if I keep my focus on God, Who I know guides the plan that works all things for good.

(I don't suppose it is coincidental that my First 15 Bible study and devotional for the week that started Sunday is the peace that comes from God: One of the most powerful marks of a believer is transcendent peace. This world offers us no reason to be peaceful. It offers us no reason to be without stress, burdens, cares, and total frustration. But we serve a God who offers us peace in the midst of any circumstance. We serve a God in whom all true peace finds its source. May you discover the heart of your heavenly Father to bring you peace this week.)