Striving to keep it positive

Another week of vacation is almost over. I have quite a mix of feelings. It's a bit of a struggle again to focus on the positive and not get pulled down by some frustration and disappointment. But that is what I need to do and will do.

What triggered it this time (again) is finally tackling something I'd been putting off -- getting new tires and getting the dealership where I bought the car to keep a promise to pay for them. I took the needed action Thursday to confirm the payment, then took the car to Firestone Friday to get the tires. I knew I was headed to a Rangers game in Texas on Saturday and looked forward to a smoother ride. I picked the car up Friday evening and took it for a spin on city streets. All seemed fine.

But when I headed out on Interstate 35 late Saturday morning, I could tell I had a problem. When I accelerated above about 60, the car shook like it was going to fall apart. Now, I was on my way to Texas for the ballgame and didn't really have time to head back to Firestone to get this figured out. I called to make sure it was safe to drive. They seemed to think it would be. So I bounced to Gainesville and then Muenster and then to Arlington and back to Muenster after the game, and back to Norman today. I'll take it back to Firestone tomorrow and insist they make this right.

The thing that is so frustrating to me is that it seems like what should be routine maintenance steps -- whether it be for my car or my health -- so often ends up not being very routine. This mess started when I took my car to the dealership in April 2010 for maintenance work that was somewhat botched. That led to the promise that my next set of tires would be paid for. But figuring out when to get those tires, which tires to get and following through to get them paid for are things I'm not good at. But I finally did it. It was a good feeling, and I was so eager for that smooth ride to Texas. Instead, it was one of the most nerve-wracking ever.

What follows has nothing to do with any of that -- I'm sure the timing was purely coincidental -- but the very next thing I did Thursday after feeling so good about getting the tire arrangements and payment worked out was to brush my teeth. And before I was finished, a big filling near the front had fallen out. Have I mentioned that I may dislike dealing with dentists and doctors even more than dealing with car maintenance, based on the same track record of things never seeming to go smoothly? But what choice do I have? I made an appointment to get it fixed -- even though it will probably mean having to miss some work. (That's a whole other subject I'm striving to feel positive about as vacation nears an end and I go back to working afternoons and nights.)

Some of the thoughts that go through my head with these things include why bother and no wonder I get so frustrated. But all of the negative thoughts just sound like self-pity, I used to spend a lot of time stuck there. Now I work through it more quickly and move on to the next right action and a more positive outlook. Daily Bible reading continues to help guide me and strengthen me. I still don't know why these moments that are just part of life can be so perplexing to me. But I am extremely grateful to God that He somehow manages to keep me moving forward.

Vacation memories

My vacation from work did not go according to plan. I had two big household cleaning/organizing projects I wanted to accomplish, plus several smaller tasks, but I really can't claim any measurable success. Toward the end of the week, I started to lapse into regret and despair. I felt as if I had wasted the week.

Then I looked closer.

The main reason I scheduled this week off was so that I could be assured of having the Friday for Relay for Life in Perry. I accomplished that, plus I had time to buy and break in new shoes. Mom and two of my sisters, in addition to the sister who is my relay team captain, all spent some time at relay. That was so nice to be there with Mom, a cancer survivor. And she wouldn't have been there unless Daddy, also a cancer survivor, was OK with her leaving him home alone overnight. Mom's trip also included a shower for her great-grandson, due in September. There were many treasured moments for me.

I was also glad my vacation timing worked with the Dallas Mavericks NBA championship win. It allowed me to watch the game and postgame and even the victory parade. Unfortunately, that's probably what kept me distracted from my work projects. About midweek, I was experiencing those regrets and shame about how I'd spent my time. But even as that happened, I kept reading Scripture and devotionals that reminded me my worth is not based on what I accomplish. A couple of readings even made it seem possible that what to me seemed like wasted time might fit into God's big plan for me. So I kept looking and praying for guidance, even as I seemed not to heed it.

Another confusing but memorable aspect of my vacation was that it coincided with the Youth Force mission project at the church. I had not realized that would be the case, and when I did make the connection, I decided not to alter my personal work focus. By the end of the week, as I accomplished so little, that seemed like a big, selfish mistake. I did go to two of the worship services, and even though doing so seemed selfish, I think it was part of the plan.

There is so much more to write about my vacation, but it's deadline, so I'm posting, with grateful memories and a smile.