The Willingness Formula

This could be titled (or subtitled) "It Only Takes a Spark ... Part 2." I think I've written on it before. But it has stayed with me in the past week, as I've continued to make progress on praying and acting to stay out of stagnation, even as I am so aware (from constant reminders) of how easy it is to fall back into the negative patterns.

In a word, the willingness formula, for me, is prayer. "For Today," an Overeaters Anonymous daily devotion book I've been reading for more than 20 years, expresses it in a way that has continued to ring true for me: "What is the willingness formula? Prayer. When the miracle happens, I watch a defect evaporate, a task easily done, a problem solved. God does for me what I cannot do for myself."  This is the Jan. 20 reading, but it's one I often return to, any day of the year. Before giving the formula, it perfectly describes the leadup for me: "When a job or situation or personal problem seemed too hard, I used to say, 'I can't do it.' In OA, I have tapped a source of power greater than myself. All I need to start the action is willingness. Sometimes willingness comes easily, sometimes it is locked head-on with defiance. Then I feel heavy with the load."

Growing up in loving, Christian, church-going family, I've always had the power of prayer in my life, but I guess I needed a 12-step program to get the escape mechanism out of the way enough to begin learning to really seek and trust God. In the years since that journey began, the spiritual experience of church, organized religion and Christian fellowship (and family and friendship!) has blossomed amazingly.

Blossomed. Where did that word come from? Well, it brings to mind a flower bed, which I have no experience with. But I know that for the plants to blossom and flourish, they must be tended properly. The same is true of my spirit. I pray for willingness and ability to stay on this path of seeking God, trusting God, obeying God and praising God, to His glory.

It only takes a spark ....

Maybe it was all the news about the wildfires in Colorado and elsewhere. Or maybe the Fourth of July fireworks. Or possibly just the blazing heat of summer. For whatever reason, familiar song lyrics have been in my mind a lot recently, including today. "It only takes a spark, to get a fire going ....."

What's really ignited my thoughts on this is the summer slump I've been stuck in. Somewhere in June, I started to stagnate. You could see it in my blogs -- more placeholders than real posts. You could probably detect it in my Facebook posts, notably by their reduction. Typically, if I can't think of something positive to post, I avoid posting. If you have been around me, you may have noticed more of a tired look and attitude than cheerfulness, energy and optimism.

As I've prayed and meditated and still seemed stymied in knowing what action to take to reverse this, the thought "it only takes a spark" became increasingly common. One of the things I realized is that a spark can fuel a destructive force just as easily as it can lead to productive light, warmth and energy. A spark of tiredness can lead to less healthy choices, including how I spend my time (reading the Bible and praying versus watching or reading about soap operas; sitting and doing nothing rather than walking or tackling even a small chore or lying down for a nap) and what I eat. I still haven't actually watched "The Bold and The Beautiful" since before Easter, but I've found myself reading the updates online, and yesterday actually paid money for the CBS Soaps magazine! (Gene saw it when I got home and asked, WHAT IS THIS? I had to laugh (he knows I've supposedly given up soaps), and maybe that bit of personal  embarrassment/accountability will help break the obsession.) I haven't eaten things with real sugar, which for me can be like a drug, but that sugar-free Blue Bell Bunny Tracks ice cream has been on my mind every day since even before I bought some to leave at Mom's while I was there weekend before last!

Perhaps no one reading this understands what the big deal would be about wasting time on soap operas or giving in to a troublesome food (or just continual obsessive food thoughts), but I think it's just as likely most people do have their own things, large or small, that sometimes can trip them up in a big way, leading to a negative, hopeless, depressing outlook. And the question becomes: How do you put out that negative fire or harness it into a positive force?

Well, even as I continued to struggle, I knew the answer. "It only takes a spark ...." Keep praying. Keep reading the Bible and meditating. Keep being around positive people. Keep talking and listening. Keep walking and/or pedaling -- even if it seems like what I really need to do is clean off that cluttered chair, desk or table; when I know that's not going to happen, I'm better off taking a nap or walking instead of just sitting and doing nothing or surfing the Internet or getting a snack. Make a healthy choice. And keep making even the smallest healthy choices until one actually ignites the spark into a positive force for good. I also have to remember that if I don't tend the flame once it's ignited, it will go out -- or go out of control. Yes, even positive energy can become destructive. Yes, that means that even if I get tired of following my spiritual disciplines, I really do need to stay with them, because without them,  my life goes out of control.

This is a start. I do believe "It only takes a spark, to get a fire going. And soon all those around can warm up in its glowing."  And I believe this, also from the song "Pass It On," written by Kurt Kaiser some  40 years ago (and which I  learned in high school all those years ago): "That's how it is with God's love, once you've experienced it. You share His love with everyone. You want to Pass It On." 

I'm feeling a more positive already, for which I thank God.

"Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—His good, pleasing and perfect will."  (Romans 12:2)

"When you are tempted, He will also provide a way out so that you can endure it."  (1 Corinthians 10:13)

"Give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you."  (1 Thessalonians 5:18 NRSV)

A patriotic placeholder

Another placeholder? Yep, it's looking like that's what it will have to be. Unless God has a surprise waiting. A neat thing that often happens, though, is that usually even in a placeholder post, He does provide some nugget of insight that helps brighten my week. I'm writing this on Tuesday before Wednesday's blog deadline on another week that has an awry work schedule, with no sense of routine. And several things I tried to get taken care of today (Tuesday) came up short and right now just seem like I wasted my time. (Maybe the payoff will come later.) 

Now, it's Wednesday, July Fourth, Independence Day. I am at work until midnight. That means what I wrote yesterday is what we get today. I tried to come up with some patriotic insights, and even that is just not happening. If you are on Facebook, you can probably find more than enough there. I may still post a picture of the patriotic cat shirt I'm wearing. But maybe not.  I know I'm grateful to live in America and for the freedoms we have here. I am grateful for those who make sacrifices to defend our liberty and the freedom  of people around the world. I pray that God will continue to bless America and its people and leaders. I pray to know my part in that.

As for my slumping attempts to blog, I have to keep remembering, especially, Monday's great reading and Scriptures from Jesus Calling. An excerpt: Let Me show you My way for you this day. I guide you continually, so you can relax and enjoy My Presence in the present. Living well is both a discipline and an art. Concentrate on staying close to Me, the divine Artist. Discipline your thoughts to trust Me as I work My ways in your life. Pray about everything; then, leave outcomes up to Me.
The Scriptures are Psalm 5:2-3 ("Listen to my cry for help, my King and my God, for to you I pray. In the morning, O Lord, you hear my voice; in the morning I lay my requests before you and wait in expectation") and Deuteronomy 33:27.

Just a few words

I would like to write just a few words, but it seems as if even when I don't know where to start, one word always leads to another, and the result is far from few.

I made a plan for Monday and lifted it up to God in prayer, and He laughed. I wasn't able to get the cat into the carrier for a trip to the vet, and news that my uncle died put the rest of the week's schedule in flux. I guess I did accomplish one thing on the list, taking some steps toward finding a new dentist and cancelling an appointment with the old.

Now I feel like I'm getting a cold or something. It's that sensation where I feel really, really tired and have tightness and some itchiness in my throat. But here goes my mind again: I think it could just be effects of tension and stress and lack of sleep, although it seems I'm getting adequate pillow time. I'm trying to relax, rest and drimk more water. So far I've been able to withstand most of what goes around physically, and I'm working toward that result again even as I pray!

Above all, I feel God's peace and presence and love, and for that I am so grateful. Words of Scripture referenced in daily devotionals and by friends and family members keep me focused. "The Lord is my Shepherd, I shall not want ... He restores my soul ... He leads me on paths of righteousness ... He comforts me..."   I had a day or two in which I sensed I had started just going through the motions with prayer, but I think I've moved beyond that.  Readings on successive days in A Praying Heart helped me focus on why I pray and why I don't think it is in vain; and then to see where prayer fits into my "calling." I guess it helped renew my sense of purpose in prayer, where I'd fallen into just recitations of gratitude and praise and daily concerns. Such recitations are important but are so much more meaningful and powerful when focused in faith.

And, yes, this started as -- and really still is -- what I call a placeholder blog post. Just a few words to meet a deadline. With that mission prayerfully accomplished, I can go on to the next thing and the next and the next and the next -- and maybe along the way it will bring me to the more insightful kinds of essays I prefer to write but that are few and far between! I thank God for the hope He gives in this and all areas.

Lessons from sweating and fretting

Miracles. Choices. Decisions. Sweating the small stuff. You mean I could just flip a coin? These were some of the themes of my prayer,  meditation and journaling since Sunday. They are rich in meaning. But I'm having trouble with application.
 
I'm still stuck on reminders from the days before Sunday: "Do not fear ..."  "I will not be afraid ..."  "Be strong, do not fear ..." I still feel as if I'm running away from God, resisting His guidance, letting fear rule. And I don't even know what the scary thing is. Maybe I'm just afraid of the uncertain and unknown. 
 
I continue to pray for willingness and ability to know and do God's will, but the answers remain elusive. And so I wait: "I wait for the Lord, my soul waits, and in His word I put my hope" (Psalm 130:5).
But as I wait, I also have general guidance, even if it doesn't seem to answer my specific concerns: "He has showed you, O man, what is good. And what does the Lord require of you? To act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God" (Micah 6:8). And I have hope: " 'For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the Lord, 'plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future' " (Jeremiah 29:11).
 
I"m still having trouble with these, but I won't give up:
-- "Learn to laugh at yourself more freely. ... Relax and know that I am God with you. ... Just as parents delight in the laughter of their children, so I delight in hearing my children laugh." From Jesus Calling on June 17,  with scriptural reminders from Proverbs 17:22 (a cheerful heart is good medicine ...) and Proverbs 21:25 (she can laugh at the days to come).
--  "But let all who take refuge in You be glad; let them ever sing for joy. Spread your protection over them, that those who love Your name may rejoice in You" (Psalm 5:11). 
 
How I long for my joy and peace and confidence and faith in the Lord to outshine my fears and doubts, not just occasionally but on a consistent basis? And yet, even today, I was guided to the Scriptures in 1 Kings 18 and 19 about Elijah, who one moment was confidently proclaiming that God would send fire from heaven, which He did, and the very next week, Elijah was running for his life, exhausted, depressed and praying that he might die. And how did God respond to that prayer? With a still, small voice -- a whisper -- and then clear directions. 
 
And so, yes, thank You, God, for being with me, even when I sweat and fret needlessly. I know You continue to work with me and mold me into what You would have me be. And I continue to pray to be willing to let You have Your way, to Your glory.  

Status updates

A big part of why I started the blog was because after I joined Facebook, I realized I often had more to say than worked as status updates. To some extent, That's the Spirit is my expanded Facebook page.

And so, here are some updates on previous posts:

-- I'm really wanting to forget about my commitment to chew less gum. You might think after more than five months of staying within a boundary, the urge for more would go away. But it hasn't. And with high stress/hecticness going on at work for another week (Go, Thunder!), it would be easy to rationalize that reaching for more gum is much less harmful for me than any number of other options. But the bottom line is that none of those options work for me. Fortunately (I guess), when I fail to remind myself, reminders come in other ways, such as recent physical repercussions. And so I continue to make the effort to follow the discipline I've learned works. It doesn't mean it's easy. It is worth it.

-- To me, it's even more amazing that on any given weekday, it would seem more natural than not to turn on the TV to watch "The Young and the Restless" and "The Bold and the Beautiful." But that's another path I've been down too many times. I know where it leads: wasting precious time. (I think I gave these up the week before Easter. Truly nothing lost from my life, and still sometimes I yearn to catch up; to see how those folks are doing. But part of the stupidity is I never like where they are, so I keep watching to see if it will get better. I think that's a definition of insanity!) Now, the new "Dallas" series in prime time is tempting, and some friends have posted on Facebook about it. But I just don't think I dare even take a peek. And another sign of progress in the TV area: I turned off the Rangers when the game was over tonight, without watching the postgame show. And that was after a win!

-- Briefly on the cat: Good far outweighs bad. But even as I write that, I'm too aware that, unfortunately, any bit of bad has strong and lingering effects. It's hard to say whether we're making progress. I tell myself we are. I think we might not have these issues if I'd switched to the new vet long ago. The hardest thing still for me is not letting Bridget sleep in the bedroom with us. I find myself making sure she has lap time before I go to bed, as this seems to keep her from scratching at the door as much. It would be so much easier if I could just go to bed and let her jump on the bed and snuggle in. But the risk of her peeing on the carpet in there just is not worth it. I'm continue to explore options. Also, the pill ordeal is over for now, as we were able to take her for a shot to cover the final two weeks. That's a relief all around.

-- Faith journey: I'm going through a phase of feeling insecure, incompetent and irrelevant. This despite assurances from Scripture and those who write about Scripture that God created me, and I am fearfully and wonderfully made, and He delights in me and that is more than enough. Cast your cares ... Do not fear ... Do not be anxious ... Trust the Lord ... I'm grateful that He loves me and delights in me even when I feel fearful, incompetent, irrelevant, fearful, doubtful and anxious and bound by my plans and attempts to structure life. He's shown me that these feelings will pass, especially if I keep my focus on Him and continue to seek to know and do His will. This gives me hope to do just that.

-- From Jesus Calling, June 7: Who is in charge of your life? If it is you, then you have good reason to worry. But if it is I, then worry is both unnecessary and counterproductive. When you start to feel anxious about something, relinquish the situation to Me. ... I will either take care of the problem Myself or show you how to handle it. “I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.” (John 16:33)

"My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness." (2 Corinthians 12:9 NKJV) -- This was Monday's Scripture in A Praying Heart, which was very, very timely.

"Strengthen the feeble hands, steady the knees that give way; say to those with fearful hearts, 'Be strong, do not fear.'" (Isaiah 35:3-4) -- This is tomorrow's. Very timely, again, I would say.

Lord, please help me know and do Your will, one moment at a time, in all things, to your glory. I thank You for Your presence. I love You, I praise You. Help me continue to grow in faith and trust in You, also to Your glory.

Fill My Cup, Lord

It is blog deadline night, and I haven't a clue what to write. It's not from a lack of worthy topics -- lots of good as well as challenging with the ongoing cat saga, work, texas rangers baseball, oklahoma city thunder basketball, the weather, bad hair days or keeping on keeping on along the spiritual journey -- but I just don't want to write about any of them. 

I hoped I could come up with something short and sweet. But no inspiration has come, nor have any timely quotes or clearly pertinent Scriptures. 

So I guess I'll have to go looking for them.  

This is a quote in Cat-titudes to Live By: "For the rest of my life, I'm going to trust that God is always at work in all things, and give Him thanks long before my simplest prayers are answered." (Nancy Parker Brummett) I practiced that in two ways this week. First was continuing with even the simplest prayers, and second was thanking God even before they were answered. That second part is new for me. 

Also, the day after I sang "Fill My Cup, Lord" at church, which I chose because of a spiritual longing, this was the Scripture from A Praying Heart: "Let them give thanks to the Lord ... For He satisfies the thirsty and fills the hungry with good things." (Psalm 107:8-9) 

That's all I can come up with tonight. Hope springs eternal that the discipline of posting this will clear a channel for more insightful musings in the future.