A different kind of Lent (Part 3): Yes, it’s messy

The Lenten theme this year at the church I attend is Messy Grace, and even though I haven’t participated in many of the activities and missed two Sundays that focused on the theme, I can say my Lent has had its share of messy grace. 

The Maundy Thursday service was described as a messy meal and celebration of the Lord’s Supper. I was confused about when the meal would be, so I figured I would eat at home, skip the church meal and just go to the service at 7. But when I got there, the front of the sanctuary was filled with tables where people were eating. So I ate again. And then we had communion. And then we stripped the church of all its adornments. 

This came at the end of a messy two days for me, so I’m not sure how well I engaged in what was going on. But I won’t be surprised if I become aware of lessons in the next day or two. Stay tuned. 

A Different Kind of Lent (Part 2): Giving Jesus My Heart With Acts of Love

Yes, this has been a different kind of Lent. 

A devotional series shared by my niece Diana became very important and instructional for me.

The devotions were from the book "Practicing Love: Family Devotions for Lent" by Leah and Robyn Perrault, available on Kindle.


I looked forward to Diana's Facebook posts each day with simple lessons designed especially for families, As she shared the lessons, they reminded me of her and her sweet family, including two precious children, Ian and Belle. I'm so grateful to God that they have found a loving and supportive church home near where they live.
 
As the series moved into Holy Week, I was aware that the daily prayer had become one that often provided a quick checkpoint for me.

The prayer: "Jesus, I give you my heart with my acts of love today."

I'd find myself assessing: How am I doing with that?

Tonight, when I was stressed out after spending too long shopping for groceries and other items in Walmart, and knowing I still had to stop by CVS to pick up a prescription that likely would have some complications with insurance, I thought of the prayer and recited it in my car. Lord, help me remember that I show love to you by showing love to others.

The pharmacy stop did not go well, and I doubt the emotions I felt and expressed showed a lot of love for Jesus. Fortunately, most of the frustration and negativity was kept within the confines of my car and the initial words of a text that I managed to edit severely before sending to my husband, who was out of town. I clearly was more restrained and gracious that I felt like being, even though I did have a moment of having to cry out loudly (I refuse to call it a scream, at least in print) in my car. Maybe that bit of restraint counts as an act of love to myself and the people at the pharmacy -- and thus to Jesus. 

That may not be a great example of how the prayer has influenced me positively, but it's the one on my mind as I'm winding down for the day. 

I just know that my circumstances at the start of Lent kept me from looking for a spiritual discipline or devotion to commit to, but I'm grateful this one found me. I haven't followed by niece's posts faithfully, but still that important prayer embedded its way into my spirit: "Jesus, I give you my heart with my acts of love today."

I ordered the book today for my Kindle app and am catching up as part of my Holy Week contemplation.  I doubt I do all the activities, but I should be able to read the Scriptures and the insights offered.  Written with families and young children in mind, they are presented in simple terms but don't avoid the messy parts of relationships -- including those experienced by Jesus in the days leading up to His crucifixion. 

Ordering the book was also an act of love, as I'm trying to become more aware of the importance of paying for the creative work of authors, artists, musicians and others that I benefit from. This is good for those creative producers as well as for my own soul and spirit. 

And somehow -- even with that momentary meltdown as I drove from the drive-through window to a parking place so I could go inside and wait at CVS -- I see how each small step of progress and better choice is moving me toward Easter and a renewed and fuller relationship with God and the love of Christ.

A different kind of Lent (probably Part 1)

It's been a full month since I've posted anything on this blog, and that has frustrated me greatly as I missed each self-imposed, weekly deadline. So many things were on my mind, but posting on the blog was not a high priority among them.

Until this weekend.

And now some of the things on my mind are starting to shape into written words that I feel certain God will use to teach me.

For starters, it's Holy Week. I'm aware it's been a different kind of Lent for me.

It started on Ash Wednesday, which was also Valentine's Day, when I realized I probably had the flu. I had agreed on Monday to help with the Ash Wednesday service at church, but I had to call back and cancel when the flu symptoms took hold.

My focus that week and the rest of the month became getting well, not spreading sickness, regaining my strength and then trying to catch up. I felt grateful every day for my husband's gracious caretaking and also for the circumstances that free me from feeling guilty about staying home from work when I'm sick. (Translation: I no longer have a job.)

Most years, I try to take on a special daily reading, discipline or act of devotion during Lent. I usually try to do some intentional soul-searching in preparation for the Easter celebration of Christ's resurrection. I often embrace some program offered by my church or another religious organization.

Not this year.

And it wasn't just because of the flu. Even as I was regaining health and strength, I was trying to plan and pack for a two-week span starting in early March including separate trips to Puerto Rico and South Carolina, with only about 15 hours at home in between!!

I did manage to pack and make the trips, and both had many enjoyable moments. They also had some challenges that may have been directly related to the lack of the kind of discipline the Lenten season usually brings about for me.

Looking back, I see I also did the heavy lifting of a major housecleaning project during that pre-travel time of Lent. It didn't involve sorting through the clutter of my front room or other places my stacks of newspapers, clothes, keepsakes and other "stuff" have migrated. It did involve a "searching and fearless moral inventory," to clear out the clutter of my mind, soul and spirit.

While the pre-travel jostling of my mind, soul and spirit likely contributed to some of the challenges along the road, I'm also certain it created the environment for me to learn and grow from the challenges as well as a number of opportunities.

And now, as Holy Week brings the Lenten season to a close, I see God showing me I didn't waste this time, but there remains much to learn and discern. It's time to be still, to truly focus on God and His gift of love through the sacrifice of His Son, to overcome my sins and the sins of the world, and then to rise above them. I'm grateful and ready.

What God can use

This year, I've been doing an online Bible study of 1 and 2 Kings offered by Proverbs 31 ministries. 

The lesson on 2 Kings 4 was particularly powerful to me and continues to resonate. 

It includes accounts of Elisha and two very different women. One was a widow who didn't know how she would feed her children when a debt came due after her husband died. The other woman was married and financially secure, but she was childless. Both women come to Elisha with needs. In each case, he asks what they have. One woman had a small jar of olive oil.  The other woman had faith. In each case, the woman had to follow Elisha's instructions to bring what she had and offer it to God. And God used that offering to supply the need. 

I know there are similar stories of faith and obedience throughout the Bible. But for some reason, these two examples involving two women and a prophet, tucked within the pages of 2 Kings, stirred my spirit. 

As the study's writer, Karen Ehman,  asked: "Do you too have a grim situation you're facing? Gather your resources and fetch your faith. Expect God to act and don't be surprised if He uses one or more of His people in the process. God is best positioned to act when we take what we have, tuck it in an envelope of trust and offer it back to Him — our provider and the author and perfecter of our faith."

No wonder I'm confused!

It finally registered with me why I've never really warmed up to the Contemporary English Bible that is now used by the Upper Room daily devotional: It removes the familiar phrasing with its rhythms and imagery, and at least for me, doesn’t replace it with anything clearer, more meaningful or more resonant.

Here's the familiar 23rd Psalm in the Revised Standard Version:
 

The Divine Shepherd

A Psalm of David.

23 The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not want;
²     he makes me lie down in green pastures.
He leads me beside still waters;^[a]
3     he restores my soul.^[b]
He leads me in paths of righteousness^[c]
    for his name’s sake.

⁴ Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,^[d]
    I fear no evil;
for thou art with me;
    thy rod and thy staff,
    they comfort me.

⁵ Thou preparest a table before me
    in the presence of my enemies;
thou anointest my head with oil,
    my cup overflows.
⁶ Surely^[e] goodness and mercy^[f] shall follow me
    all the days of my life;
and I shall dwell in the house of the Lord
    for ever.^[g]

Revised Standard Version of the Bible, copyright © 1946, 1952, and 1971 the Division of Christian Education of the National Council of the Churches of Christ in the United States of America.

But here's how it reads in the CEB: 

Psalm 23

A psalm of David.

23 The Lord is my shepherd.
    I lack nothing.
² He lets me rest in grassy meadows;
    he leads me to restful waters;
³         he keeps me ^[a] alive.
He guides me in proper paths
    for the sake of his good name.

⁴ Even when I walk through the darkest valley,
    I fear no danger because you are with me.
Your rod and your staff—
    they protect me.

⁵ You set a table for me
    right in front of my enemies.
You bathe my head in oil;
    my cup is so full it spills over!
⁶ Yes, goodness and faithful love
    will pursue me all the days of my life,
    and I will live^[b] in the Lord’s house
    as long as I live.

Copyright © 2011 by Common English Bible

And I had this thought this morning: having so many different versions of the Bible isn’t conducive to committing passages to memory. 

Now it makes me think of how, for much of my career as a professional journalist, I knew the key parts of the AP Stylebook by heart. As new things were added, I learned those. 

But somewhere along the way, a couple of key things happened. One, additions started to come much more quickly, making it harder to remember them all. Two, besides adding new things, the editors seemed to be revising more guidelines, so that many of the things I had committed to memory were no longer the rules. 

(Further complicating this was my company’s own changing, often seemingly quirky and arbitrary guidelines; and a suspected decline in my capacity for remembering as I aged.)

This makes me think about how songs are one of my best memory tools, but even that is fading due to aging. And I'm aware that revisions have been made in hymnals, so that some of the familiar songs of the church are now gender neutral or changed to describe a gentler God.

Fortunately for me, I'm not afraid to adapt songs to fit my own style for grammar and expression. So music will continue to be a way for me to exercise my mind as well as my spirit and my memory.

Nothing to sneeze at

I'm recovering from my first-time flu diagnosis. As is often true with my medical experiences, I'm grateful my case likely was milder than a lot of what was going around, and the worst of my symptoms only lasted a day or two. But as is also often true with me and my health, that didn't make it any easier for me to deal with being sick and now making the transition back into wellness.

I had plenty of plans for the week, highlighted by Wednesday with Valentine's and Ash Wednesday and a church meeting on Thursday where I had volunteered to present the program.

A great weekend that included time with extended family in Stillwater on Saturday, then special time with my husband on Sunday, gave way to a busy and productive Monday and Tuesday.

Sometime Tuesday, I was aware of a bit of a dry cough, which I attributed to a lingering effect of a cold from the previous weekend. But between 4 and 6 p.m., something changed in how I felt. My throat tightened and my head ached. My nose wasn't running, but my eyes were watering. And looking back, I realize I felt tired. I went into attack mode, preparing to win if faced with a battle against another cold.

By bedtime, though, I was less optimistic. I posted on Facebook: I seem to be losing the battle against a new round of cold symptoms, just in time for Valentine’s and Ash Wednesday. I hope and pray I’m wrong. Took all the meds and precautions I could think of. Maybe I’ll wake feeling great again!

I didn't, and this was my next post:  I was feeling pretty miserable, waking up on Valentine’s and Ash Wednesday morning after an unsuccessful night battling cold symptoms. Then I saw this! How can I not smile and share! My sweetie knows me well. Fruit, veggies, figgy pops and no-sugar angel food cake. Perfect for me!!

Meanwhile, I updated the previous night's post, in light of so many expressed concerns, with this positive outlook: My symptoms are more cold than flu. No fever or aches other than head and throat. I think my flu risk right now would be greater at a clinic than staying home. But I am staying aware of my temperature, aches and any other symptoms.

Unfortunately, my temperature eventually started to rise. By suppertime, I told my husband I should probably go to the minor emergency clinic. But then my temp went down a bit, so I decided to wait until morning.

It ended up being after lunch before I made it to the clinic, but the diagnosis was fairly quick.

There’s a first time for everything. Today’s first for me: Flu diagnosis. I know some people who are really glad I stayed home from church services and other meetings yesterday and today. Decided to get it checked out when my temperature started rising, which hardly ever happens. Hoping I will feel much better soon. And praying Gene’s flu shot and other precautions protect him.

Finally, at 5:12 a.m. Sunday: I feel immensely better. Yes, I tire easily, but the only reason I won’t be at church is the risk that I might still be contagious after Thursday’s flu diagnosis. (My symptoms started Tuesday, with possibly a little dry cough/throat clearing Monday.) I’m grateful for the prayers, well-wishes and helpful advice from friends and family members. And I’m extremely grateful for Gene’s patient, loving care, and I pray God will continue to protect him from the flu. And now, selfish as it seems to me, I feel tired again so I guess I’ll go back to sleep.

Turns out the transition back hasn't been easy, but I continue to make progress. I am grateful.

(Untitled)

Another deadline and still no words. Life goes on.