I continue going through a weary phase. I find myself not wanting to do anything.
Sometimes taking a break is the right thing. I did that weekend before last, because my body was physically exhausted and in pain. Even then, while I skipped some commitments and tasks, I maintained a base level of activity.
When it's more of an emotional weariness, finding that balance between taking a break and taking care of the basics is just as important.
The thing I was aware of today is that there are physical and emotional consequences for me if I don't take care of some of those basics.
-- I'm really tired of going to physical therapy and doing additional back exercises at home. The therapy is time-consuming and several of the exercises are uncomfortable. But I like the consequences of not going even less: right-side pain below and left-side pain above where my spine has that significant curve.
-- I've been wanting to watch a few new TV series in recent months, including "Dallas" a while back and last Wednesday and last night, "Nashville." But I know what happens when I start watching TV series or soap operas. I get hooked in and start building my schedule around them -- and then feel guilty for wasting my time and even tireder.
-- When I'm tired, weary or overwhelmed, I have that natural tendency to reach for a pick-me-up snack. The things I reach for are supposedly healthy. But as I've written many times: For me, if hunger isn't the problem, food is not an answer; it just adds to the problem. (It's somewhat similar to the issues involved with watching serial TV.) But the temptation still comes around, and sometimes I act on it. And then I am heavy with the load. The days I manage to "keep it simple" foodwise, I always end up feeling better afterward. Always! I'm praying to stay focused on God to nourish my spirit instead of turning to mindless eating today.
And here is some perspective for me:
-- Think of the mess I'd be in if the Texas Rangers were still playing baseball. I don't want to think God took them out for my own good, but the thought has crossed my mind more than once.
-- I was complaining about how insurance is handling my physical therapy costs, and now I've learned it would be the same even if I had ended up going to the hospital emergency room and perhaps eventually for traction or back surgery. I'd have to meet my deductible before percentages and co-pays kick in. The interesting perspective: That goes to show how long it has been since I've needed medical care beyond office visits, lab work and services and treatments covered by co-pays.
In closing, a Facebook friend posted this along with a note that Wednesday was the anniversary of when Mother Teresa was awarded the Nobel Peace Prize in 1979. It reminds me of Martina McBride's song "Anyway," which is one of my favorites. And it speaks to why I keep on keeping on.
People are often unreasonable and self-centered. Forgive them anyway.
If you are kind, people may accuse you of ulterior motives. Be kind anyway.
If you are honest, people may cheat you. Be honest anyway.
If you find happiness, people may be jealous. Be happy anyway.
The good you do today may be forgotten tomorrow. Do good anyway.
Give the world the best you have and it may never be enough. Give your best anyway.
For you see, in the end, it is between you and God. It was never between you and them anyway.
-- Mother Teresa