Tuesday, December 17, 2013

Dare I even dream?

What does God expect?

What do I want?

Those thoughts were triggered by a series of comments from friends and readings from devotional books since the start of the month:

-- A friend talked about her house she loves, but how she feels out of place in her neighborhood with high-echelon academic and philantropic leaders.

-- Another friend described her trip to New York City with a benefactor, a kindly and rich older woman who more or less adopted her. I know this older woman, and she seemed to adore me, too, at one time. If I'd played my cards differently, could that have been me on that trip?

-- And one more friend told of her granddaughter, who helps train dogs for a legendary football coach and a superstar country entertainer who live in my town. How does that happen? (I know I have friends and family members who remember when I bordered on being a stalker of this music star!)

-- The Dec. 11 Jesus Calling meditation, encouraging me to hear Jesus saying "bring Me all your concerns, including your dreams," and me realizing: I don't think I even let myself dream anymore. What are my dreams?

There were times that I dreamed of living in one of those wonderful houses, taking wonderful trips, meeting and working with celebrities. I guess I knew I would never have the ambition and drive to make the kind of money to afford those things, so I dreamed -- or, more accurately, WISHED -- for them to somehow just to come into my life.

IF I'D PLAYED MY CARDS RIGHT ... I've interviewed celebrities before, but I felt like the fish out of water. I wanted to be friends, not a reporter, especially because I didn't feel very competent as a reporter. I don't think or write quickly; my questions as well as my insights usually take shape quite arduously.

Now, it seems instead of dream, I'm more likely to pray. I pray to keep my focus on God, and to know and do His will. I pray for healing and strength and blessings for loved ones. I pray for wisdom of leaders of churches, schools, governments, businesses and organizations, from the most local to worldwide levels. I pray for peace.

But God wants me to bring Him my dreams? Dare I?

To be continued ....

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