I had great plans for my transition, with a two-week plan of priorities to take care of before I began traveling with my husband. But by the end of the first week, I knew I wanted to make an unplanned trip starting the following Sunday to accompany my mother to Florida for my cousin's funeral. And since that time, I've hardly known whether I was coming or going.
I was on the road Oct. 23-27; Nov. 1-4 and Nov. 7-12. We head out again on Friday, Nov. 18.
Some of my observations:
- I'm not a good traveler, starting with my poor ability to pack.
- I'm not good at transitioning from traveling to being home.
- nothing changes if nothing changes.
- more has changed than I give myself credit for.
With almost a week between the most recent trip and the next one, I experienced some optimism about getting the two-week transition goals completed by the end of the first month. As today winds down, I see that's not happening either. I keep moving forward, but it continues to be much slower than I would prefer.
I wrote some about it Sunday morning:
Nothing changes if nothing changes.
I am unemployed. That's different.
I am still a mess. I am still chaotic. I still don't have a plan. Which isn't necessarily a bad thing. I just get impatient and start to worry.
What am I worried about?
- Number One fear: that Gene will get frustrated or annoyed with me. What are his expectations of me? I seem more concerned about that than about me expectations or desires for myself. NCINC.
- 2. Am I doing what I need to do?
- 3. All this health stuff. I wanted to be taking fewer meds and supplements, not more.
- 4. Unexpected (unplanned) Florida trip kept me from my two-week transition plan. And I've been in chaos ever since. So my head is spinning. Instead of anything being simpler, it seems more chaotic, though fortunately not more complicated. Just different.
- 5. Relationships other than Gene. Family. Former co-workers. Church friends. OA friends. People in need.
I trust God. I need to be patient. I will be patient. I will keep taking actions that I feel God and His witnesses on earth -- including His spirit in me -- are directing me to take. I will be grateful. I will give God the glory.