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I've let another week go by that I didn't post original pictures and commentary on Facebook. It wasn't all that long ago that I routinely posted observations from my day. At some point I took a break, or got behind, and now it's hard to get back into the habit of doing it.

I realize the same thing has happened regarding me singing occasional solos at church. I think the last time I did special music was actually a duet in June. Travel and other schedule uncertainties have kept me from making a commitment to sing at church (other than with the choir) since then. The one time I knew I would be available, there wasn't an opportunity.

Now, I have an opportunity to sing next Sunday, at the church's annual chili cook-off and talent show. I've signed up, but I haven't decided on a song or started practicing. And just thinking about it makes me feel self-conscious and a bit apprehensive.

I think some of the same factors are involved with the singing as with the Facebook posts and even this blog. People always respond favorably when I share my words, pictures and-or songs. But I find myself increasingly self-editing or analyzing to the point of not thinking I have anything worth sharing. Not surprisingly, each time I hold back makes it easier to refrain from sharing the next time.

Back when I was sharing and singing a lot, I wrestled with concepts of ego/pride and humility. I enjoy the positive feedback and affirmations, but I truly don't think that's the main reason I write, sing or share. It's more just something I either enjoy or feel called to do, and the response is a bonus. Sadly, I think part of why I'm holding back is because I have doubts about whether I deserve that bonus. (Just as sadly, I think that may link to some unresolved feelings about how I'm spending my time now that I no longer work outside the home.)


Just for fun, here are some of the things I thought about sharing last week:

-- Gene and I enjoyed a cheap date on Thursday, attending Norman's annual chili supper ($10 for two to dine in, and $10 for two full bowls to go!) that is a fundraiser for The Christmas Store. The chili was great and we enjoyed listening to the music of John the Franklin, an ensemble that includes friends Marvin Hudson and Frank Barry.  (I didn't think about taking a picture until we were gone!)

--  Friday, I thought it was finally warm enough to put the top down on the ole Mustang while cruising around Norman. By time I got home, I realized I was mistaken; it was still pretty chilly. But it inspired me to drive on down to the neighborhood lake, where I was surprised to see so much ice remaining. And yes, I took pictures!

 

  

  

 -- Since the top was down on the car, I kept it down for the drive to a meeting at 10:30 a.m. Saturday. Yes, it was still pretty chilly. But there's something about sunshine on January days that makes it seem worth the chill. By afternoon, the drive was much more pleasant. Now, if we could just get rid of that wind!

 -- Sunday, I finally rolled up my sleeve and donated blood during a drive at the church. In the past 10 or 15 years when I tried to give blood, my iron was too low. But after my surgery two years ago, I changed my diet to increase my meat consumption and also to eat more spinach and other iron-rich foods. Until Sunday, the blood drives had not worked into my schedule, and I preferred to donate at church rather than elsewhere. Plenty of excuses emerged that could have kept me from donating yesterday, but I was grateful to finally be accepted as a donor again and to follow through. My only regret is that I didn't get a selfie!!!!

This brings to mind one other big reason I have trended away from posting on Facebook. All of these things that I would have posted seem frivolous, and there is much more consequential stuff going on that I can't find words for.  So here I go again. Will I even post this? If I post it, will I link it to Facebook?

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