Sunday, April 1, 2018

Good News! This story continues to unfold ....


The Easter sermon at my church was titled "Messy Grace," and it used the Scripture from Mark 16, which in the version referenced by Pastor Desi ends with the women fleeing from the tomb, "for terror and amazement had seized them, and they said nothing to anyone, for they were afraid." This was after they had been greeted at the empty tomb by an angel, who told them not to be afraid, that Jesus had risen, and they were given instructions for what to tell the disciples.

Of course, even the Gospel of Mark has an alternate ending, similar to the narrative of Matthew's Gospel, that tells of the women sharing the news with the disciples, and of Jesus appearing and speaking, including giving His command to "Go into all the world and proclaim the good news to the whole creation."  That good news is the Gospel message of God sending His only son, Christ Jesus, to die for our sins that we might live for eternity in restored relationship with God.

The thought that those women might have at least temporarily failed to fulfill their divine assignment gives me hope on another day (and weekend) when I could second-guess to my great shame the choices I made, of what to do and not to do. 

So much was good this weekend and today, but I have a tendency, even on Easter, to let fear and doubt fuel acts (and inaction) of selfishness, not unlike those women even momentarily not sharing their good news.

As I went to visit my Mom in Texas Friday and attend a musical program at her church, in which my sister was a singer, I was blessed to be there. But I couldn't stop my thoughts that I should be doing more and better things --helpful things -- during this time with my Mom. The things she mentioned that she needed done were outside my comfort zone, so I just visited. On top of that, I let her buy my lunch and supper, and she also fixed breakfast before I raced off Saturday morning! 

Back in Norman, I attended my 12-Step meeting. Afterward, among the thoughts that came to mind that I might do were attending my church's Community Easter Egg hunt to see if there was anything I could do to help out. Or maybe I would go pet the kitties at Second Chance Animal Sanctuary.

Instead, I went to Dress Barn to take advantage of a sale. In an unexpected turn of events, I found a dress I loved, as well as a skirt, a blouse and a pantsuit. And with 40 percent off on four items, it was an incredible bargain. Of course, then I needed shoes. For probably the first time ever, I actually found what I needed in the first store I went to. And then I realized I didn't need to buy a new purse. How dare I let shopping put me in the Easter spirit? But it did.

I returned home with hopes of doing some housecleaning or helpful things for my husband, but instead I ate, exercised, wrote, practiced some music, read some, went to the store to buy some things for the Easter brunch, prepared for getting up early and then went to bed. 

Before bed, my husband reminded me that it would get cold overnight and that the temperature would be continuing to drop when it was time for me to go to church. I didn't like that news at all and decided I would defy it. I wore my lightweight, sleeveless spring dress, off-white pumps and just a sweater, although I took some long pants I could put on under it if I really got cold. I also meant to take a bigger jacket or maybe my overcoat, but was on the way to church with no time to spare before I realized I had forgotten to grab either of them. Fortunately, I was able to text my husband and he brought them when he came for brunch before the second service.

Despite all that self-focus, my time at church was filled with worship and fellowship and joy and praise, including singing at early and late worship services. I had been asked to help serve Communion during the second service but declined. I felt guilty about it, but I could already tell I was going to be worn out. My feet were a bit uncomfortable in my new shoes, and I still needed to visit at least two people in nursing homes to take them Communion. Why can't I trust God to give me the strength and energy and spirit and attitude to do it all, I wonder? I'm only now starting to understand how that kind of a guilty feeling can be a different kind of selfishness. It's less selfish to realize it's OK to say no sometimes and just go on to the next right thing. 

If there was a Lenten service that talked about Messy Grace meaning I don't get to be perfect, I missed that one. But that's the biggest lesson I've received in preparation for this Easter. And today showed me I'm still getting to practice that lesson. I'm unsure how to respond to God's great gift of love through His Son Jesus Christ. I feel as if I should do so much, so many acts of love. Such a great debt I owe, not only to God but to so many people on this Earth. I read in the Bible that all God wants from me is my heart, but I also read that He wants me to be His hands and feet, and that He will give me the energy, strength, wisdom and any other provisions I need to do what He calls me to do. It doesn't mean everything will seem easy or that I won't have to get outside of my comfort zone. And that's what leaves me confused and second-guessing, even on a joyous Easter Sunday. 

Meanwhile, I wrote this on Facebook after posting several videos of music from the morning worship services: I guess this is fitting for Easter Sunday on April Fools’ Day when it feels more like winter than spring: I was tired and really wishing I could fall asleep for an hour or so before supper. I mentioned this to Gene as I was resting my head in his lap. That’s about the time I noticed it was 7 pm. How did it get to be that late? Gene said I had been sleeping! I sure don’t feel like I had a nap. I was busy from when I got up at 6:15 this morning [it was supposed to be 5:50, but I set my alarm wrong!] until I got home after 3 from visiting some people from church who are shut-ins, but I thought the joy of the activities would keep me energized. My body apparently felt otherwise. My spirit remains full, however, from the celebrations of Christ’s resurrection and all it means. Alleluia!!

So, again, the thought that those women might have at least temporarily failed to fulfill their divine assignment gives me hope. Because we all know the story they were to tell did get told, and has been told and retold. And it's not just a story. It's a continuing witness by me and others who truly know a risen Savior who lives within our hearts and through our lives as we seek to be His hands and feet in the world.    

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