It's that time ....

It's blog deadline again. And I have no time to come up with anything. But I'm still not ready to give it up. 

Cyclical reminders

Anniversaries. Cyclical reminders of joys and despair. They are real. That's all for now. 

Not so random after all

I thought this week's post was going to be quite random, but after I got started, that wasn't the case. 

One of the things on my mind is that I am not good at goodbyes. My own big farewell from my workplace of 34 years isn't supposed to happen until October. But Friday was the last day at work for two of my colleagues, including one who was not among those being laid off but decided to bail out anyway. What it brought to the forefront for me was how hard it has been for me to maintain friendships with people who are no longer in the circle of people I cross paths with on a regular basis. I've made some improvement, but as my own departure gets closer, I am acutely aware that relationships don't continue without effort. 

Facebook actually has helped me stay more connected with people -- because I don't have to remember everything about them. I can check their page for an update before we see each other. 

That leads to the bigger issue: I don't trust my memory. And so, as I prepare to wrap up a major chapter in my life, I have some anxiety that details even of key experiences and relationships will fade into a blur. Many already have. 

I have some hope that steps I am taking now and will continue after October may strengthen my memory, but is it possible to regain what seems lost? Instead of agonize about this, maybe I'll chose to be hopeful!!

(An interesting aside is that some of the aftermath of my co-worker's notice that he was leaving led me to see how close I was to not being laid off -- and realizing again how grateful I am for how things have transpired.)

This is the random part, excerpts from devotions in recent days. 

From Thursday:  

First 15's simplicity study today is about freedom in the spirit, and the Scripture was Romans 8, which is about the furthest from simple for me. I have learned a simple trick that helps some, however, which is to read it aloud. 

Friday:

But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. —2 CORINTHIANS 12:9

Trust in Him at all times, you people; pour out your heart before Him; God is a refuge for us. —PSALM 62:8 NKJV

Saturday: 

He lifted me out of the slimy pit, out of the mud and mire; he set my feet on a rock and gave me a firm place to stand. He put a new song in my mouth, a hymn of praise to our God. Many will see and fear and put their trust in the LORD. —PSALM 40:2–3

Why are you in despair, O my soul? And why have you become disturbed within me? Hope in God, for I shall again praise Him for the help of His presence. —PSALM 42:5 NASB

The LORD delights in those who fear him, who put their hope in his unfailing love. —PSALM147:11

Grateful, blessed, overwhelmed

Grateful, blessed, overwhelmed. 

"You are holy righteous and redeemed."

Lyrics and the melody from MercyMe's song "Greater" help keep me focused on Christ and the promises of Scripture as the onslaught of life -- from personal triumphs and trials to those of the world -- threatens to wear me out. 

"There'll be days I you lose the battle ... Grace says it doesn't matter ... Cause the cross already won the war ...."

Below are more of the lyrics.

"Greater"

Bring your tired

Bring your shame

Bring your guilt

Bring your pain

Don't you know that's not your name

You will always be much more to me.

Everyday I wrestle with the voices

That keep telling me I'm not right.

But that's alright

Cause I hear a voice and he calls me redeemed

When others say I'll never be enough

And greater is the One living inside of me

Than he who is living in the world

In the world.

Bring your doubts

Bring your fears

Bring your hurt

Bring your tears

There'll be no condemnation here

You are holy, righteous and redeemed.

Every time I fall

There'll be those who will call me

A mistake.

Well that's ok

Cause I hear a voice and he calls me redeemed

When others say I'll never be enough

And greater is the One living inside of me

Than he who is living in the world.

There'll be days I lose the battle

Grace says that it doesn't matter

Cause the cross already won the war

I am learning to run freely

Understanding just how he sees me

And it makes me love him more and more.

Cause I hear a voice and he calls me redeemed

When others say I'll never be enough.

And greater is the One living inside of me

Than he who is living in the world.

Nothing new here

It's been a while since I've admitted to doing this -- posting a placeholder. I may or may not come up with a real post later. There were more important things to do today. And now it's past bedtime. 

Good night. 

Meddlesome reflections

I am a meddler. 

Sometimes I can't/won't keep my mouth shut. 

I still think it's just communication, but I'm aware others may see it differently. 

I will say I generally appreciate it, at least in the long run, when people tell me what they think or what they think they would do or even what they think I should do in a situation. Maybe that's not healthy on my part. But to me it seems like it can be a healthy part of dialogue and communication. 

What prompted this was awareness of the meddlesome aspects of a text I sent my niece the previous week. I quickly followed with a text expressing my concern to her that I had overstepped my proper place in commenting on a situation, and all was well. 

But then I found myself doing it again in another family situation. Writing the words above helped me to rein myself in. 

I do think intent and motivation can make the difference in whether something is meddling or just healthy communication or feedback. But it's not always easy to be clear on my own motives. I just have to stay very aware of these issues. And even if my motives are pure, it still can be received as meddling, and the recipient's perspective is equally valid as my intent. 

Of course, I've also learned from experience that, when I do overstep healthy boundaries, I can attempt to make amends. And God's grace most often allows my efforts to set things right to be accepted. 

Reflections on work

The On Wednesday -- a week after I learned I would be terminated from my employment by the end of October -- my Upper Room and First 15 devotionals both were about work/works. 

This came as I had growing awareness that I have everything to feel positive and grateful about, but I cannot deny the stress I feel. I had gotten to bed a little after 11, then woke a bit before 2 and could tell my mind was bouncing with thoughts and unlikely to let me sleep. My husband also woke, so we talked some.

Then and Tuesday evening in counseling, I tried to acknowledge and feel those other emotions: fear, sadness, uncertainly, stress, tiredness. 

I wanted to fix how I feel, but it occurred to me that fixing it wasn't  as important that moment as just to keep on keeping on. The next right step. So I got on the treadmill. I prayed and also talked more to my husband. Then I did my morning devotions, getting some positive affirmation to keep on keeping on. 

First 15:

God calls us to a life of works because he loves us and has designed us for such a purpose. Ephesians 2:10 says, "For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them." The work he is calling you to is perfect for you because he is the one who formed you and knows you. Have faith in the love and perfect will of your heavenly Father. Choose to live a life of good works. And experience the joy of living every minute of your day with intentional and eternal purpose. 

From Upper Room:

“But why would you do that for them when they let you go for no reason?” I questioned.

“I am going to leave as a Christian,” she said. “I want my name to be associated with kindness and to show the love I always felt at my job.”

In his letter to the Colossians, Paul speaks of the “clothes” that followers of Christ are to wear: compassion, kindness, humility, forgiveness, love, with love being “above all.” Marie left her place of employment with kindness. She was wearing all the right “clothes” and showed us the power of forgiveness and of Christ’s love.

Colossians 3:12-17

3:12 As God's chosen ones, holy and beloved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience. 
3:13 Bear with one another and, if anyone has a complaint against another, forgive each other; just as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive. 
3:14 Above all, clothe yourselves with love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony. 
3:15 And let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, to which indeed you were called in the one body. And be thankful. 
3:16 Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly; teach and admonish one another in all wisdom; and with gratitude in your hearts sing psalms, hymns, and spiritual songs to God. 
3:17 And whatever you do, in word or deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him.