Well, the tears are becoming more frequent. They are mostly while I am alone, praying, writing or just thinking. Today's were prompted by a bit of frustration with Christmas preparation, realizing another thing I'd forgotten to take care of, combined with a warm memory about my Dad and a nativity scene I'm pretty sure he wanted me to have. And they are truly still tears of joy and gratitude -- but of course also sadness and loss.
Sadly as for what it says about my vanity, one of the most frustrating things about tears and weeping is that even if I do it privately, the effects of a puffy face and itchy, tired eyes are very public.
So, if you notice my swollen face and eyes or see me crying, understand that I truly do feel joyous and blessed. Those feelings warm me so deeply inside.
As I've expressed many times, smiling through tears produces beautiful prisms, like sunshine or light blazing through water or rain. They are beautiful. They represent beautiful memories and blessings and gifts from God.
And, of course, God's greatest gift is His Son, Whose birth we celebrate at Christmas. That's why I know that even if I cry or my face is puffy or I have a moment of self-pity, God is with me/us. Emmanuel. Joy, joy, JOY TO THE WORLD! The Lord is come!
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Truly the worst thing about crying, even privately, is what it does to my face and eyes. How vain is that? And yet, God's beauty shines through. That is my prayer.
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