Yes, it is possible to compromise and lower my expectations and still go through a period of feeling disappointed, frustrated and really having to struggle to not be resentful. Talk about a test of faith and trust in God. This is it, big time!
I don't understand why certain things in my life are the way they are. I pray in faith for wisdom and understanding, to know and to have strength and courage and willingness and ability to do God's will, to His glory. My attempts to run ahead of God and try to resolve things my own way never end up working. Waiting on and trusting God has always ended up being the right choice.
I want to blame or lash out at another person, but Scripture and prayer remind me that reflects a lack of faith and trust in God. My other tendency is to drift into self-pity or self-loathing -- Woe is me. ... What is wrong with me?... Somehow this must be my fault! -- with the same realization: that faith and trust leave no room for despair.
I feel sad that a time I thought would include excitement and eager anticipation has turned into another ordeal. Something I thought would be simple now is seeming impossible.
But I believe nothing is impossible with God.
So, I will continue to pray, to seek to know what God would have me do and communicate (and how). I will trust Him to be with me and guide me and love me. I will praise Him as I wait or as I act. I trust that He is at work. I pray that He will find me faithful in my part, whatever it turns out to be.
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Before I could even post this, I began to see evidence of God at work on what was perplexing me. I pray to be faithful even when I don't see such evidence. I am grateful for the hopeful signs.
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