More good gifts

Maybe someday I will be able to express what is in my heart tonight. The journalist and writer in me never stops trying. But it really may be too personal to share. 

I just know I feel loved in a way I never have before. Love came down at Christmas. God sent His Son to save His  wayward people -- including a wretch like me!! Some of my wretchedness that I thought I had left in the past and might never have to own up to caught up with me this year. And finally, instead of running, lying or denying, I faced the truth and the consequences. 

And God in His great grace is restoring my hope and my possibilities. 

Impatience and lack of faith led to my wayward steps. And now I again find myself in need of patience. What took years to tear apart won't be repaired overnight. But great is God's faithfulness.  Morning by morning new mercies I see. 

That's why it's ok that I'm still not ready for Christmas gift exchanges at 9 p.m. Dec. 25. (Even though they won't happen until tomorrow, I'm out of time again!!)

It's ok that I only attended one of two Christmas Eve worship services at my church  last night and didn't sing with the choir, choosing instead to sit with my husband and even let tears flow as needed. 

I have to believe It's ok that today instead of volunteering to serve at a community meal, I went to see the new "Star Wars" movie with my husband. (I was inspired to do that after reading that it could be viewed as a Christmas story of good overcoming evil and light overcoming darkness. And even though surely that story will return -- there are so many loose ends and unanswered questions -- the finale of the Christmas story is known even as we await its fulfillment.)

I have hope that next Christmas will again include singing and also include serving and sharing more time with others.

But I trust that God will lead me where I need to be. 

I believe that things can be different -- better -- but that things won't change instantly. Change happens with baby steps. It may not even look like I'm moving forward. But small right steps add up to a positive difference. 

I am grateful for the love of my husband. It is a source of energy and hope and healing and joy. It is a gift from God and a reflection of God's love. May I never take it for granted. 

And I am grateful for God's love, at Christmas and always. May I never take it for granted. I pray to know and do His will, to love and serve Him, to trust and obey Him and to share the joy and light of His presence.