What would you do if you knew your time on Earth was up?
--Would an ex-smoker buy a pack of cigarettes?
--Would a recovering alcoholic buy a fifth of whiskey?
--Would an abstaining compulsive overeater order up her favorite sweet treats?
An ex-smoker's remark about thinking he would get some cigarettes made me think of my own addiction/obsession. Would that be where I would want to go? Back to the habit I worked so hard to break? Would I ignore the effect it could have on my relationships? I pray to God the answer always will be no.
An amazing thing is that the ex-smoker's comment didn't upset me. It did spark an interesting comversation, too. But it mainly made me think.
A related question that came to mind:
What would you do if you knew today was going to be good? What if you knew it was going to be bad? Would it make any difference in what you do and how you do it? It doesn't seem like it should make a difference -- shouldn't I do what I can to have a good day anyway? But often the perception of how something will be -- whether it be a day, an event or an outcome -- can affect my approach.
As usual, I see God providing answers for the questions:
-- He is helping me set priorities. I'm able to realize what's important and focus on those things. I've seen several things that would have driven me crazy in the past become no big deal.
-- He is giving me strength. Part of that comes with setting priorities and not spending as much time in pointless, time-wasting pursuits. Rest and healthy eating are priorities that help keep me strong.
-- He is giving me so much grace to fill the void between my intentions and my actions.
Most of the time we don't know the certainty. We just know the possibilities. But I'm seeing daily that the choices I make can have an effect on the outcome. I pray to make choices and decisions that reflect and build love, hope, compassion, faith, humility, grace, gratitude, wisdom and joy.
Showing posts with label addiction. Show all posts
Showing posts with label addiction. Show all posts
Thursday, September 22, 2011
Tuesday, December 7, 2010
Decision Points?
It's early December, and part of me has skipped right past Christmas and is thinking about new year's resolutions. Since one of those resolutions might be to live more fully in each moment, it's obvious the need is real.
A few things recently got me to thinking about resolutions.
One is my continuing annoyance and shame over a few of my habits. Anyone who has paid attention knows I chew way too much gum and have a disgusting habit of picking at bumps and rough skin. These may or may not be a big deal, but the thing I'm keenly aware of is that I won't be able to let go of them -- or even just cut back -- without a very determined effort. I'm aware that just thinking about it and the reasons I want to stop or cut back actually make me more compulsive about the habit. I can tell it's going to take not only a physical plan of action but also a plan that involves mental and spiritual resolve. And I'm not ready yet. Maybe if I start praying for willingness now, it will come sooner rather than later.
Another was a Facebook post from one of my nieces. She wrote on Dec. 1: "... is thinking that if I start practicing my New Years Resolutions now by the time 2011 rolls around I might have them down!!" Good luck with that, I thought, assessing my own reality.
The third thing that has me thinking about resolutions stems from having started to read former President George W. Bush's memoir "Decision Points." Rather than being presented as a life story as such, the book's structure is based on looking back at key decisions, mostly in his presidency but also at other times in his life. It starts with his decision to quit drinking. What it made me realize is that I never know whether I've actually made a decision until I can look back and see whether I followed through. Maybe this is related to my compulsive tendencies (mine don't involve alcohol) and need for a 12-step program that includes Step 3: "Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understand Him." I've done that and continue to reaffirm that decision daily. One day at a time, it keeps me from turning to food as my God. So, what's the deal with this gum? It's not my God, but it seems like more than a nervous habit. Even though it wastes a bunch of money, I'm not sure it causes any ill effects to my health or the well-being of others. In fact, it only seems like an obsession when I try to let it go. (But isn't that the definition of an obsession or addiction -- when you can't or won't give it up even when you think you want to?) I just know that on some level I would like to be free of the excess. But I don't guess I'd like to enough yet to make what seems like a sacrifice.
I know I've made many important decisions in my life that have been transformative in positive ways. This is happening more often as I grow older. But it's also as I grow older that I'm more aware of the decisions I want to make but keep avoiding. I'm aware that I can't get back wasted moments, squandered opportunities, misspoken words or misspent money. I think there is value in looking back to learn from experience, but I want to move forward, to grow and develop. But I guess I'm still not ready to make a decision. I'm just wishing. Or so it seems. Maybe by the start of the new year I'll be ready. Or maybe tomorrow. Or maybe tonight. I guess I'll know when I look back.
A few things recently got me to thinking about resolutions.
One is my continuing annoyance and shame over a few of my habits. Anyone who has paid attention knows I chew way too much gum and have a disgusting habit of picking at bumps and rough skin. These may or may not be a big deal, but the thing I'm keenly aware of is that I won't be able to let go of them -- or even just cut back -- without a very determined effort. I'm aware that just thinking about it and the reasons I want to stop or cut back actually make me more compulsive about the habit. I can tell it's going to take not only a physical plan of action but also a plan that involves mental and spiritual resolve. And I'm not ready yet. Maybe if I start praying for willingness now, it will come sooner rather than later.
Another was a Facebook post from one of my nieces. She wrote on Dec. 1: "... is thinking that if I start practicing my New Years Resolutions now by the time 2011 rolls around I might have them down!!" Good luck with that, I thought, assessing my own reality.
The third thing that has me thinking about resolutions stems from having started to read former President George W. Bush's memoir "Decision Points." Rather than being presented as a life story as such, the book's structure is based on looking back at key decisions, mostly in his presidency but also at other times in his life. It starts with his decision to quit drinking. What it made me realize is that I never know whether I've actually made a decision until I can look back and see whether I followed through. Maybe this is related to my compulsive tendencies (mine don't involve alcohol) and need for a 12-step program that includes Step 3: "Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understand Him." I've done that and continue to reaffirm that decision daily. One day at a time, it keeps me from turning to food as my God. So, what's the deal with this gum? It's not my God, but it seems like more than a nervous habit. Even though it wastes a bunch of money, I'm not sure it causes any ill effects to my health or the well-being of others. In fact, it only seems like an obsession when I try to let it go. (But isn't that the definition of an obsession or addiction -- when you can't or won't give it up even when you think you want to?) I just know that on some level I would like to be free of the excess. But I don't guess I'd like to enough yet to make what seems like a sacrifice.
I know I've made many important decisions in my life that have been transformative in positive ways. This is happening more often as I grow older. But it's also as I grow older that I'm more aware of the decisions I want to make but keep avoiding. I'm aware that I can't get back wasted moments, squandered opportunities, misspoken words or misspent money. I think there is value in looking back to learn from experience, but I want to move forward, to grow and develop. But I guess I'm still not ready to make a decision. I'm just wishing. Or so it seems. Maybe by the start of the new year I'll be ready. Or maybe tomorrow. Or maybe tonight. I guess I'll know when I look back.
Monday, September 27, 2010
Pennant races and MVPs, Part 2
The Texas Rangers won the American League West pennant Saturday in Oakland. Josh Hamilton, the sidelined MVP candidate who likely will come in second or third now, didn't join in the champagne- and beer-fueled celebration in the locker room. I applaud his decision.
There's no way it was easy for a baseball player to bypass the locker room and instead head to a church to share his faith. And had Hamilton not become an addict, he probably could have handled a celebration like that as well as any of his teammates. But he is in addict. A few days, months or years of sobriety don't change that.
Based on quotes he gave before and after the game, part of his motivation was perception. The pictures from his one-night relapse in early 2009 are still easy to find on the Internet. Unlike the pictures of Josh's jubilant teammates in the clubhouse celebration, the pictures of Josh in relapse aren't pretty. And for an addict to be amidst free-flowing booze and euphoria, that's likely where he would be headed.
It's dangerous enough for a recovering addict to be doing whatever he can, including some medication, if I understand correctly, to relieve the pain from his broken ribs and trying to rush his rehab. But bring in the exhilaration of a booze-filled celebration, coupled with what has to be frustration at not being a part of the stretch run, and you're just asking for big-time relapse.
As much as I like sports and I like "my team" to win, it means more to me to see the stories of perseverance and doing the right thing. I know all of the players and coaches and ownership are just people, not to be put on pedestals or anything. They're all human. But I like it when they make wise, healthy, uplifting decisions. I like it when their stories include winning in the game of life on and off the field. It's probably easier for some than others. And for whatever reason, at least one took some turns along the way that make it perhaps more of a challenge and at the same time more crucial to stay on the straight and narrow.
It's awesome from a sports perspective when the storybook season actually ends with the championship, but this one's already a winner. Even though the Rangers will end with a loss unless they win it all, they are winners. And Josh is a winner, even if he doesn't receive the MVP or make any spectacular plays in the post-season, as long as he keeps his focus on the One Whom he credits for his recovery, and that is his Savior, Jesus Christ.
There's no way it was easy for a baseball player to bypass the locker room and instead head to a church to share his faith. And had Hamilton not become an addict, he probably could have handled a celebration like that as well as any of his teammates. But he is in addict. A few days, months or years of sobriety don't change that.
Based on quotes he gave before and after the game, part of his motivation was perception. The pictures from his one-night relapse in early 2009 are still easy to find on the Internet. Unlike the pictures of Josh's jubilant teammates in the clubhouse celebration, the pictures of Josh in relapse aren't pretty. And for an addict to be amidst free-flowing booze and euphoria, that's likely where he would be headed.
It's dangerous enough for a recovering addict to be doing whatever he can, including some medication, if I understand correctly, to relieve the pain from his broken ribs and trying to rush his rehab. But bring in the exhilaration of a booze-filled celebration, coupled with what has to be frustration at not being a part of the stretch run, and you're just asking for big-time relapse.
As much as I like sports and I like "my team" to win, it means more to me to see the stories of perseverance and doing the right thing. I know all of the players and coaches and ownership are just people, not to be put on pedestals or anything. They're all human. But I like it when they make wise, healthy, uplifting decisions. I like it when their stories include winning in the game of life on and off the field. It's probably easier for some than others. And for whatever reason, at least one took some turns along the way that make it perhaps more of a challenge and at the same time more crucial to stay on the straight and narrow.
It's awesome from a sports perspective when the storybook season actually ends with the championship, but this one's already a winner. Even though the Rangers will end with a loss unless they win it all, they are winners. And Josh is a winner, even if he doesn't receive the MVP or make any spectacular plays in the post-season, as long as he keeps his focus on the One Whom he credits for his recovery, and that is his Savior, Jesus Christ.
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