Shout the Good News! (formerly: Priorities, procrastination. FOCUS!!!! on what?)

It's blog deadline, but I don't really have a topic or time. I need/want to be practicing the Christmas cantata. So, maybe I'll combine the two. Ah! Song 1, "Shout the Good News!" Now I'm revved up!

This year's cantata, "Shout the Good News!" has seven songs, no solos. The arrangements are beautiful and include some variations on carols, but as usual, I can tell I'll be much more comfortable if I take time in addition to choir rehearsal to make sure I know my part. As of last Wednesday, I was not able to sing with much confidence, often stumbling over words or notes. I can tell this run-through has helped. Maybe this week I'll be ready! And by the time we sing it for worship on Dec. 18, it will be pure joy!

I'm also working on "Gesu Bambino" for early service this Sunday. I know this by heart, but I still take time to practice in hopes that the sound that comes forth will be the best I can do for God. Singing a Christmas solo is a highlight of the season for me, and this is one of my favorites. When Christmas falls on Sunday, there's one less Sunday for a traditional hymn- and special music-filled worship service. I'm glad to have the opportunity to sing at early service. It's been a while since I've been able to schedule it.

As far as the blog headline, I put those original words (Priorities, procrastination, FOCUS!!! on what?) up there as I was trying to think of something to write. I am so aware of not being focused, and that sure makes it easy to procrastinate. For those few moments just now, it was very worthwhile to focus on the message of Christmas through the songs of the cantata. Beyond that, I'm still struggling.

Since Thanksgiving, I've found myself finding excuses not to do more than I've actually said yes to. Why didn't I go to the Hanging of the Greens service? How many parties have I missed? That's a recipe for regret that I hope not to have to taste. I continue to pray to know and do God's will. Help me not find an excuse to skip caroling or other opportunities to be involved in moments of the season that combine joy, fellowship and outreach to those in need of even something as simple as a visit. Even as I pray, right this minute, I don't feel confident I'll make what seems to me to be the best choice. Somehow, I think I have to be OK with that, too. I know the alternative -- beating myself up for the way I am -- isn't very productive.

Maybe it's OK for me to "Shout the Good News!" of God's great gift of salvation through His son Jesus, even as I am so aware of my unworthiness to receive that gift. Because, as I understand it, on my own, yes, I am unworthy. But the very gift makes me worthy if only I will receive it. And so I will receive it and I will share it -- and I will trust God to shape my life to His glory.

What would you do if you knew? Part 2

What would you do if you knew your time on Earth was up?
--Would an ex-smoker buy a pack of cigarettes?
--Would a recovering alcoholic buy a fifth of whiskey?
--Would an abstaining compulsive overeater order up her favorite sweet treats?

An ex-smoker's remark about thinking he would get some cigarettes made me think of my own addiction/obsession. Would that be where I would want to go? Back to the habit I worked so hard to break? Would I ignore the effect it could have on my relationships? I pray to God the answer always will be no.

An amazing thing is that the ex-smoker's comment didn't upset me. It did spark an interesting comversation, too. But it mainly made me think.

A related question that came to mind:
What would you do if you knew today was going to be good? What if you knew it was going to be bad? Would it make any difference in what you do and how you do it? It doesn't seem like it should make a difference -- shouldn't I do what I can to have a good day anyway? But often the perception of how something will be -- whether it be a day, an event or an outcome -- can affect my approach.

As usual, I see God providing answers for the questions:
-- He is helping me set priorities. I'm able to realize what's important and focus on those things. I've seen several things that would have driven me crazy in the past become no big deal.
-- He is giving me strength. Part of that comes with setting priorities and not spending as much time in pointless, time-wasting pursuits. Rest and healthy eating are priorities that help keep me strong.
-- He is giving me so much grace to fill the void between my intentions and my actions.

Most of the time we don't know the certainty. We just know the possibilities. But I'm seeing daily that the choices I make can have an effect on the outcome. I pray to make choices and decisions that reflect and build love, hope, compassion, faith, humility, grace, gratitude, wisdom and joy.

Treasure seeking

OK, the blog deadline isn't until tomorrow, but the possibility of having time to write tomorrow is even more remote than the chance of me putting together a couple of nuggets of inspiration or insight tonight. So I'm going for it tonight!

This will be a hodgepodge again; as much as anything it's my attempt to record these thoughts or observations for possible future consideration. So, here goes:

-- Note to myself at 12:30 a.m. Saturday: Baseball season has just started and I can already tell I'll have to set some boundaries or I'm going to be worthless. I seem to be able to just sit there and watch on TV day after day. I sometimes wonder how in the world people with season tickets for a major league baseball team get anything at all accomplished in life.

-- Note to myself at 12:17 a.m. Monday, after watching Texas Rangers win the finale of a home-run laden sweep of the Boston Red Sox in the afternoon and then watching the Texas Aggies beat Stanford in the semifinals of the NCAA Women's Basketball Final Four: Definitely gonna need to establish some boundaries and set some priorities. Cannot waste time following sports. It's so easy for me to get caught up. I just cannot let myself.

-- For the record, it's now 11:42 p.m. Monday, after 9 hours at work. I didn't watch the NCAA men's championship tonight, nor did I watch the Rangers (I do know they won and that Nelson Cruz extended his season-starting streak to four consecutive homers). And I will be setting the VCR to record the women's championship game tomorrow night when the Aggies and Notre Dame meet. So, maybe that's some progress.

-- This is a very challenging week at work. I thought it would be, and day one confirms exactly what I expected. A very hard-working, productive and gap-filling person is on vacation. She does stuff I don't think others even realize. I often help her out, but I cannot fill her shoes and have not been asked to. But it's hard for me not to try when I see things seeming to not get done on time or right. My goal is to not stress out and to keep track of how much I work. I guess I succeeded today. It requires prayer before, during and after. I prayed for wisdom to know when to speak up and when to stay quiet, and that seemed to be answered for the most part today. I'm grateful for that and so much more, including to be able to keep a good attitude.

-- I wrote last Tuesday about how I hoped the Texas A&M women's basketball team could beat Baylor that night to win the Dallas Regional and advance to the Final Four. I was afraid to get my hopes up. I worried that if I recorded the game, they would lose. Well, I recorded that game and they won, and then I recorded the national semifinal game Sunday (because it conflicted with Bible study) and they won that one, too. So the championship is tomorrow night (Tuesday). I'm working again, so I will record it. I hope they can win. I still don't pray for sports victories. But I know God knows it would make me and a bunch of people happy for them to win. (I also know God knows it would make a bunch of people sad. That's the way sports goes!) To watch this unheralded team and coach do as well as they've done so far, including beating No. 1 seeds the past two games, has been as enjoyable to experience as I thought it would. They are a team. They seem to have a perfect mix of pride and humility but above all a sense of team that I just love to see win. It seems like a different player comes through each time -- and then when you look back at each game, you see how several people had to come through each game. Isn't that what team sports are about? Watching them play inspires me.

-- The other thing I've been needing/wanting to write a few words about is just how hard March was and how glad I am to be through it. I wasn't expecting it to be that way at all, but starting with getting sick the last weekend of February, it seemed like each new day or week of March brought new challenges and frustrations. Even when I was over the cold or whatever, I was so far behind I couldn't decide where to start, and new deadlines and commitments kept coming up. I kept plodding along, trying to do the best I could, and stayed amazingly optimistic, sometimes to a fault (keeping me from going to the doctor when I needed to, perhaps). But finally, last Monday, after the worst seemed to be over and I just had a few more tasks to accomplish -- I just wanted to give up. I did not think I could get past these last things. My prayers didn't seem to be helping. So I asked others to pray for me as well. And sure enough, that mental paralysis dissipated and I was able to get the things done that I needed to do. Of course, what I've been reminded of every day since the month ended is that, yes, every day still brings new challenges. I don't know where I get the idea it won't be like that. Wishful thinking, I guess.

-- And even as March was such a struggle in some ways, especially physically, there were many amazing joys. Topping the list was my Dad's 85th birthday (March 20) weekend followed by his successful surgery to get a pacemaker. Throughout my struggles, my Mom and Dad were shining lights of inspiration and an example to not give up and just do my best to do the next right thing.

-- In summary: What I learned in March: Keep praying, keep obeying (or dare I say trying to, although I know I keep falling short) and keep giving the glory to God.

Fine lines and fine-tuning

There's no law that says I have to get 8 hours of pillow time every night, but it's been a great goal during these weeks of transition to working until midnight most weekdays. It has had benefits, even though I've still seemed tired. But maybe it's time to let go. I was awakened at 8:30 a.m. Saturday by a wonderful call from my brother. I so enjoyed catching up with him. But what will I do about just 6 1/2 hours sleep, I wondered. The obvious answer seemed to be a nap later.

That's not how it turned out though. After errands and a meeting starting at noon, I ended up watching or listening to a lot of basketball on TV, online and on the radio. I was able to do some other things while following the games, but napping wasn't among those things. I shut off the radio after the last of the three teams I was following won about 10:30 p.m., which would not have seemed that bad, except I had agreed to sing at early church the next day, which meant the alarm was set for 6. That still shouldn't be too much of a problem, I thought. Eight hours is the goal. It's not a rigid requirement.

Again, so much for my thoughts. It was a restless night. It didn't seem like I slept at all, so at one point I seriously considered sending an e-mail to the person in charge of the music and saying I would call in the morning to confirm that I wouldn't be in for early church. That really seemed like the reasonable thing to do. It didn't seem like I'd gotten any rest at all, so I thought I would be miserable when the alarm finally went off. But somehow, I awoke feeling fairly rested and refreshed. I figured my energy would suddenly crash, but I made it through a full day without it happening. In the meantime, I heard a great sermon, sang wonderful hymns with the congregation and a wonderful anthem with the choir (the same song I did as a solo at early church), and experienced an invigorating Sunday school discussion and later a Bible study, along with lots of fellowship. I also did the Sunday usuals: buying groceries, washing some clothes, riding my exercise bike and a lot of reading, a little housecleaning and calling my Mom, among other things. And no nap.

So, now it's Monday of a busy week in which I'd like to fit in some extra activities. I haven't figured out this sleep/schedule thing. Because I have to be alert up until midnight for work and after that for the 30-minute drive home, it seems imperative to me to make sure I get enough sleep. I don't want to feel too tired to drive home. But rigidity is starting to feel unrealistic. But without rigidity, I get little done other than eat, sleep and work.

So, it seems as if I'm walking along a fine line of what works and what doesn't work. I'm tempted to think it needs fine-tuning. But at the same time, it seems like maybe it's working just fine.

I have no resolution to this right now, but for some reason I think writing about it will bring me closer to an answer.

Things I do know and cling to:
-- God is in charge. Great is God's faithfulness.
-- God knows what I need and is providing it.
-- Seek, trust and obey God.
-- Thank God.

Making God laugh

Psalmcat 51:2.5.11

I hope it's a sign of spiritual maturity and not immaturity or senility that I'm learning to laugh with God when He laughs at me after I make plans.

It seems I've found myself making plans several times since the start of this year, trying to become more organized and efficient. It even seems like I'm making my plans prayerfully, seeking God's greater good and not just my own selfish desires. But it also seems that every time, something unexpected has come along to shift my priorities from what I had planned. Layoffs (not me, fortunately, but they affected me), dental work, winter storms, even my parents' health to some extent have thrown me off my attempt to get "on track."

But the continuing refrain is that it is OK. God is great, I am blessed, and life is good. I laugh to myself as I write that, thinking of how cliche it sounds. And some days when I write those words in my journal or online, I have to check myself. Do I really believe that? Will I believe that if my health fails, I lose my job or my parents, or some tragedy befalls? Some day those things will occur, and I believe that the little detours God allows to get in my way are helping prepare me. I also know there were times in my life when these kinds of "little" detours immobilized me -- mentally, and sometimes even physically. It may seem cliche or trite, but the fact is, for me, since I've become more faithful in praying, reading the Bible, looking to God, looking for the good and being thankful in all things, my outlook has changed. I can find the good. I see the blessings. It didn't happen overnight. In fact, it has taken many, many years, and I'm pretty sure the journey is far from over. Some days are still a struggle. But hopelessness is gone, gone, gone.
What a joy!

It is a joy that, for today, when God seems to laugh at my plans, I can laugh, too, and be thankful. He is so good, and my heart rejoices.