Another round of very sad news brings me back to the computer, to try to make sense of jumbled thoughts and emotions. I learned yesterday that a dear one has lost a job. Another close relative recently got word that his last day with his job is in May. This comes as I still haven't sorted out and worked through my feelings about the deaths of dear and loved ones in recent months.
I'm in my second year of reading through the Bible in a year, using a plan that includes daily readings from the Old Testament, New Testament, Psalms and Proverbs. Reading from Psalms tonight reminded me of the comfort and strength I get from heartfelt prose. The Psalmist didn't seem to worry about being repetitious. What was in his heart poured out.
I'm still afraid to let that happen. But the need and desire keep growing, and signs and reminders keep coming. I'm getting ready to sing "The New 23rd," an arrangement of one of my favorite Psalms, at church soon. The arrangement brings memories to mind, including my parents and their 50th anniversary, and my claim, by virtue of my Dad's name, to be a daughter of the Psalmist's son. The Psalmist writes and sings from the heart. That is my inheritance, as much from my Mom as from my Dad.
So, why Psalmcat? I can't deny the cat. I'm pretty sure God showed me my catness and helped me claim it before He revealed my connection to the Psalmist. As I posted on my FaceBook profile: "My life-changing moment came when I accepted my catness. I think the reason this people-thing is so hard for me sometimes is that I seem to be at my best when I can just eat, sleep, poop, play and be loved for just being me. ... Purr and smile." (Unlike a cat, I can work hard, but not unlike a cat, I'm easily distracted.) Maybe it's because I don't have children, but for me, the cats I've shared my life with have helped me understand the joy and heartache of unconditional love -- a small reminder of the love God has for me.
And Psalmcat 50 is because my year of being 50 has reawakened my desire to know this person God created and to not be afraid to this life fully.
The Bible, especially the Old Testament, including the Psalms, reminds me that, whatever happens, God's love and faithfulness endure. I don't understand why things keep happening to loved ones, and I'm spared. "There but for the grace of God go I" no longer works for me, because I feel certain that the people who face hardship, sickness, loss and death also have the grace of God. I do pray that God will show me how to reach out to those in need, to be a comfort and a blessing and a reminder of His love. It's not like insurance that will spare me from hardship. It does help build a faith that brings peace that passeth all understanding.