Monday, March 28, 2011

Random observances, perhaps with some similarities

It's blog deadline day, and I have some time while I wait for a phone call to be returned. So I'm just going to make a quick post about some seemingly random occurrences and observances, perhaps with some similarities. There's a pretty good chance I'll revisit some of these thoughts later.

-- Habits 1: My husband and I went to On the Border for dinner Saturday. It's not a place we usually go, but we had a $30 gift card and decided to use it. For some reason, when I go out to eat, it's become second nature for me to find the least expensive thing on the menu that I think will satisfy me. At Mexican restaurants, that's usually the tortilla soup. It works well, because it's the right amount (coupled with chips and salsa) and I like it very much. But when I looked at the menu, some of the combos really sounded interesting, including one of the fish tacos. But I ended up going with the soup and a house salad. When we got our bill, it was just a little over $22. That didn't leave enough on the card for another trip, but it seemed like too much to leave for a tip. After some discussion, my husband and I decided to leave all of it as the tip. After we left, I wondered why I didn't go ahead and "splurge." As I was feeling a tinge of regret, the thought occurred to me: Maybe the waiter needed that extra bit of cash. That thought makes me smile. And I liked what I had, so why even give it a second thought?

-- Habits 2. Whether it be chewing too much gum or some other reaction to stress that I know will make a situation worse (overeating, procrastinating), sometimes I think I'm the only one who does crazy stuff. But then I think a little more and realize everyone seems to have various kinds of habitual weaknesses. But when I finally confess to someone one of my deep, dark weaknesses, it seems like it's still easy for the other to say just don't do it. That really aggravated me when it happened Saturday, but I can't shake the idea that it really is the answer. Just don't do it. If eating/drinking/chewing when I'm stressed makes the stress symptoms worse, I've just got to find a way to stop. I may have made a tiny step of progress toward this today.

-- Singing breakthrough? When I sing, I really want it to be about the song, not about me. I just want to share the song and not get in its way. As with so many things, that's easier said than done.

-- Heavenly awareness. On Saturday night, while thinking of a relatively young friend (couldn't be too much older than me) who died unexpectedly Saturday and also thinking about how grateful I am for my Dad's resilient health, the thought occurred to me: Am I looking forward to heaven? When people die, I'm one who, so far, pretty quickly can accept that they are at a better place. But I had the awareness that I don't feel eager for me or my family to be there. In the face of some Bible study I've been doing, and maybe just growing older, I have to wonder about that. So many things I read suggest that people of great faith really have such great love for Jesus that, even while they enjoy their family and friends and time on Earth, they really do have a sense that they are just serving here and waiting for that glorious day. After Bible study Sunday, I mentioned my thoughts to the leader and asked if she's thought about that. She said she has, and she's ready. We had a good conversation. I think this is may be part of a very significant spiritual development for me. I'm not at that point of spiritual maturity yet, but I think I'm getting closer.

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