Wednesday, January 30, 2013
Goodbye, sweet kitty
I said goodbye to my kitty Tuesday evening. Bridget had kidney failure and had declined rapidly this weekend. I feel so sad. I will be OK though. She was such a precious little buddy. I'm grateful to God for the 12-plus years we had together. I will miss her greatly. But it was time. She wasn't eating and could barely walk. She kept drinking water but wasn't peeing. And I couldn't tear myself away from her. Monday it was agonizing to watch her. She hardly moved. After sleeping a couple of hours after my colonoscopy, I spent the rest of the night in the dining area, mostly on the floor by her. I tried to get myself to go to bed, but knew the end was near, and I wanted to stay with her as long as possible. Tuesday's Jesus Calling devotional had timely words for me, including Isaiah 26:3: "Thou wilt keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on Thee." Evidence of God's providence included that I was at home instead of at work Friday night and Monday night to be with her. I feel God's peace, presence and love. He knows my heart. I trust Him and thank Him for leading me along this path. As Monday's reading reminded me, "He is with me always!" And so, on Wednesday, the new normal began. I miss her. Miss her. Miss her. Miss her on my legs when I wake up. Miss her pushing the door to the bathroom open while I'm in the shower and waiting for me to pet her when I get out. Miss her standing in front of the food cabinet even though there is food in her bowl. Miss that look that tells me I need to sit down so she can get on my lap and purr. Miss that sweet face, that little orange patch, her short, stocky body, her amazing purr. Miss her smell -- yes, even the troublesome ones. I wish people and pets didn't have to get sick. I am grateful for the time we had. I am grateful that I've learned to treasure moments. I am praying to know how to keep the right balance. I believe she was a gift from God. He taught me and blessed me in so many ways with my special kitty, and I'm pretty sure the lessons and blessings are not over. As was the case with my Daddy -- his life and illness and eventual death -- God continues to show His love and mercy and providence and blessings. I thought of Daddy constantly as I was tending Bridget in her final days and hours. Now as then, I am so grateful I was able to be present.