Sunday, April 6, 2014

Still trying to figure things out

Time got away again. I barely scratched the surface of a major cleaning chore this weekend, and about an hour ago realized it was decision time on whether to post anything this week. So, here I am. That's the spirit!
I feel like I'm getting further and further behind on everything -- cards and calls; cleaning; helping; caring. But my  spirit remains hopeful.  God is still preparing me, perhaps? All of my slowness, missed opportunities and shortcomings -- can I believe He will redeem even these things? I know He redeems the big ones. But -- will He redeem  even things that seem to be my fault, such as those brought on by fear-driven procrastination or by my poor choices for how to use my time, serving idols (including my job/desire for security, and health/appearance pride issues) instead of truly seeking to know and do God's will?
When I force myself to slow down and get quiet and listen and be honest about what I hear, I have to say, for today,  I think the answer is yes. 
I need to be grateful and thank God for this weekend's opportunities to enjoy time with a support group; to soak in some sunshine and breathe in fresh air on a walk; to shop and pay for groceries; to sing and worship and have Communion and give in support of outreach programs; to visit a dear friend who likely will be moving out of state; to appreciate light rain; to talk on the phone to loved ones; and to get even some small amount done on that cleaning. To me, it doesn't seem like enough. And maybe that's still the big struggle: instead of relying on what I think, I need to be trusting God. 

"Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths." (Proverbs 3:5, 6 KJV)

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