Wednesday, January 28, 2015

For such a time as what?

I was thinking of writing about how I seldom know what God has planned for me and where He is leading me. It's usually not until I look back that I see how he had prepared me "for such a time as this." 

And then another round of layoffs came, and I thought, perhaps this will be another of those times. 

Wednesday's round of layoffs at work caught me by surprise. The company is getting ready to move from a north metro location back downtown, and I did not think any cuts would happen before then. (Someone had said something that led  me to think that, but, alas!!! -- perhaps I misinterpreted the comments.) I felt sure after how deep the last two rounds went that if there were another, I would get caught. But once again, I am spared. I feel as if I dodged a bullet. I spent much of the day experiencing what could be called survivors' guilt. Hopefully, a trip to the doctor that led to a good report and then some grocery shopping and time at choir practice brought me back to a new level of trust in God. I trust that He is guiding my life and that He also is guiding the steps of colleagues who were let go. I hope and pray that they, like some who have experienced this in the past, will reap unexpected  blessings. 

One of the things I know is that even though I tend, at times like this, to resolve to work harder and do better, a reality is I already am giving my all. It doesn't mean I can't get better and faster and maybe learn some new skills, but I really can't give any more than I am giving. That's ok (I need to keep telling myself). And another reality is that the decisions on who stays and who is let go probably aren't a matter of how hard one works. In other words, the way these things go, even if I managed to work harder and more efficiently and with new skills, the ax still could fall on me next time. 

And so I return to my guide. I trust in God. After reading the Jesus Calling devotional on Tuesday, about trust in God as a golden pathway that lets us live above our circumstances, I noted that "the high road of trust may actually seem circuitous, but it is the direct path because God knows what I need and why."

“Do not let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God; trust also in me. In my Father’s house are many rooms; if it were not so, I would have told you. I am going there to prepare a place for you.”
—John 14:1–2

Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight.
—Proverbs 3:5–6

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