What's that sound?

As I close the page on September, 

I find myself trying to remember...

So many highlights of 34 years ...

As the end of an era draws oh-so near .....

(Sweet music of life: To hear it! To share it!)

I posted that on Facebook as I was getting ready to leave the office today, Friday, Sept. 30. 

My termination date is Oct. 14. I'm down to the final two weeks. And the music of life is growing louder and louder, although the melody is far from clear. 

My mom commented that there are probably a lot of memories over 34 years. 

 

To which I responded: Yes, Mom. At least there should be. But my memory itself is faulty, which makes it tricky. Then when you add in my sentimentality, it gets even trickier!! 

It will be an interesting two weeks. 

I am grateful for the music of life that continues to accompany my days. 

About time

I got a speeding ticket this week. Now I'm trying to slow down. One more change. How many will there be?  

A lot of times the reason I exceed the speed limit is because I'm running late. But the timing of this ticket made me think I just need to slow down anyway.  Especially with my upcoming departure from my job and no plans to get a new job immediately, I don't need the expense of speeding tickets or higher insurance rates. And with more time on my hands, certainly I should be able to manage better and not be running late. 

So, I've been trying to practice driving 40 mph on city streets and 60 on the highway. And I've realized my bigger problem: These speeds seem very slow, especially when so many vehicles are racing past. 

I'm not sure how this will play out. I will admit that I was talking to my husband on the phone when I got caught speeding, and I later told him I didn't regret speeding as much as I regretted getting caught, which I blamed on being distracted by the conversation. 

But it still seems to make more sense to just try to slow down and enjoy the ride. Obey the speed limit. Breathe in the moments and be grateful. 

Knowing I had a lot I wanted to get done today, I really felt that disconnect in my brain as I finished showering this morning. I prayed, letting God know I really needed Him to fill in that gap or help me trust Him to guide me even as I felt clueless on what to do or how:  I do trust You. Please help me know and do Your will, to Your glory. 

At the end of the day, I choose to feel grateful and blessed. I choose to focus on the positive, even as all the rest of the stuff -- especially what I didn't get done -- wants to dominate my thoughts, attitude and spirit. With God's help, I will keep on keeping on. 

Lacking in nothing

Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight. —PROVERBS 3:5–6

I'm keeping on keeping on, trusting in the Lord, acknowledging Him privately if not always publicly. Even as I still wonder sometimes where those straight paths are. 

Actually, a bit of a convoluted stretch seems to finally be showing signs of leading me somewhere. It was one of those times where I felt I was making some positive choices and changes, but some of the unexpected results seemed less than ideal. 

Already, I think one of the lessons I needed to learn from that experience was to not get impatient or distracted by short-term results. 

I know I'm grateful for this moment when things seem a little more clear and less stressed. It feels peaceful. I thank God for that. 

It brings to mind something from today's First 15 devotional, which kept referencing the green pastures and still waters of Psalm 23. God is with me. The Lord is my shepherd. He leads me, comforts me and provides for me. I lack for nothing. 

And some words from the additional scripture reading, which was James 1:

2 Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, 3 for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. 4 And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.

Small change

I plan. 

God smiles. 

Things seldom go according to my plans. 

I'm learning to smile anyway!!

I was reminded of that Friday, when many things were going right for me to get to work early, with the plan of not having to stay late. 

While I was on the treadmill, I read a devotional reminder from Scripture that God's plans are far superior to mine. The thought occurred to me it could still happen, and that my plans would go awry. But I didn't think so. 

I was headed to my car early as planned, but it would not start. The battery was about dead. But as is often the case, I had so much to be grateful for. We have a boat battery in the garage that I could use for a jump-start. 

The thing is, in the past, that disruption would have ruined my mood and likely my day. But that happens much less often now. And even when I needed a jump-start after work, as well, rather than be dismayed, I was grateful for jumper cables and a helpful co-worker. 

That's just one tiny example from many that add up to a positive change. 

That brings me to a couple of other things on my mind:

My biggest shame used to be a secret sin. Now, it's how inept I am at serving God by serving others. 

A little over a year ago, I had no idea how I would break free of the sin. And then it happened. God sent an unexpected rescuer -- and I could not be more grateful.

 

So, I have hope God also is at work in my current area of shame. 

I never stop praying, hoping and trying. Trusting. Giving thanks and praise.