God is at work, Part 4

This could have had any number of titles and subtitles.

One of my catchphrases, "God is at work," came back to me powerfully after church Sunday. It's a term I began using as a focal point a year or so ago (May 2016), during a time when I was seeing God move in my life despite my efforts to resist.

It's definitely happening again. The first subtitle possibility that came to mind was the one from last year: "Resistance is futile." But just as accurate this year is "Sit back, watch and learn."

Lots of Scriptures also came to mind. The one that fits the best is probably Proverbs 3:5-6 -- "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight."

Or maybe Isaiah 55:8 -- " 'For My thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways My ways,' declares the Lord."

For close to a year, I've been praying for clear direction on God's will and purpose for my life. And I've remained mostly confounded, even as I've continued to, as faithfully and cheerfully as possible, follow where I've felt God is leading.

Recent weeks through Sunday have brought some cool examples of God at work in my life.

One involved that whole adventure of trying again to write for pay and publication. It proved I am still a writer. It also showed me that if I'm going to pursue that passion, I must trust God to help me find a healthier way to do it.

The writing adventure also helped me see that, at this point in my life, writing may be one of my passions, but it cannot be my priority. Unlike when I had a job as a journalist, now writing really is secondary to other responsibilities, including projects around the house and for and with my husband.

This past weekend helped me see that so many of the things I, with my "perfectionistic tendencies,"  fret over really don't matter. God is at work, and God is in charge!

A prime example involved trying to decide how best to spend my time. I wanted to attend three events involving Point of Grace: the Friday night concert in Ponca City, more than two hours from my Norman home; a private event involving the Crossings Community Church music ministry on Saturday night (nearly an hour away in northwest Oklahoma City); and the Sunday night concert at Crossings.

I also wanted to attend a block party my church in Norman was hosting Sunday night.

I wanted to do it all. It was clear I couldn't do it all. I wanted to attend the Point of Grace concerts with friends, but I couldn't find anyone to go with me. Part of why I love Point of Grace is the singers are all about faith, family and friends. I long to be part of the "Circle of Friends" they sing about. But the reality is I would be going to the events alone. And even in a hall with hundreds of people, I can isolate.

I had wrangled an invitation to the Crossings choir event on Saturday, but then had second thoughts about going, for three reasons. First, I doubted I would fit in, even though I had been invited. Second, after having driven more than four hours Friday evening, I didn't look forward to two more hours driving Saturday. Third, I wasn't sure I would be finished with things I needed to do Saturday in time to go.

Praying about it Saturday morning, I realized I didn't have to decide early if I wasn't going to go to the choir event. I could see how the day unfolded. So, I went to my 12-step meeting, then I went to the animal sanctuary to pet the kitties and leave a donation, something I had not done for several weeks and really needed and wanted to do.

Then I started working on a review of Friday's concert. The writing was going amazingly well for me, but I was aware that time was ticking away, and I needed to make a decision about going to the event that night. About 3 p.m., I prayerfully sent a text to my host, saying I realized I would not be able to make it, but I looked forward to seeing him Sunday night. I kept working on my review and submitted it a little before 5 p.m.

At that time, I had not heard back from my host, and I was starting to worry he hadn't gotten my text and would think I didn't show up without letting him now. A few minutes later, I got a text from him, saying he understood about Saturday. He added he would not be there Sunday, because the church leadership was making a quick trip out of town, leaving after church.

I can't put into words how I felt at that moment. Of all the possible scenarios I had come up with as I tried to decide when I needed to be where to get my maximum amount of joy and satisfaction -- wait, I mean be of maximum use to God! -- this was nowhere to be found. I wanted to change my mind, say, "You know what, I just realized I can make it!" (Because at that time, I actually could, since the review was written.)

But I was so surprised by the turn of events that I just decided it was meant to be that way. And given what happened next, I still think that's true, even though I hate that I missed seeing the choir director interact with the members of Point of Grace, with whom he had attended college.

What I did instead was head to my front room to work on a dreaded and overwhelming task of purging years of stored treasures and junk.

Sunday, I awoke realizing I had another unresolved choice. Would I go to the second Point of Grace concert or would I go to my church's block party? Almost stubbornly, I was pretty sure I would go to the concert. But the energy and excitement at my church during morning worship turned my thinking to the possibility I could do both. I would go to Oklahoma City for the first part of the concert and leave after an hour, which would get me back to Norman at least in time to help with cleanup.

So I went to the concert. But when it was 7 o'clock, I stayed rather than leave, even as I was overwhelmed with feelings of not being part of that elusive "circle of friends."

Since then, I've been pretty comfortable with how things turned out, which is amazing for me, considering how much time I spent during the weekend going over the possibilities before and after I made decisions, and when the circumstances changed. (For a time on Sunday, I felt certain that if I could do it over again, knowing what I knew then, I would have done things differently.)

I decided to trust that God gave me the information and insight when He wanted me to have it. I used that information to make decisions. I am more aware now how self-serving some of the decisions were, but I can't change the past.

Here's what I think God is really trying to teach me, and I see it more clearly right now: It doesn't matter which thing I choose. Just don't worry so much about it. Pray, decide and act. Pray, trust and obey. (Maybe that should be: pray, obey and trust!)


So I continue to live and, hopefully, learn -- including to be less resistant as God shows me what He's going to do!