Present imperfect pursuit

My recent pursuit of writing for pay and publication highlighted my plague of perfectionism.

So what am I doing about it?

I've identified some of the sources and manifestations of what I call my "perfectionistic tendencies." Now the trick will be to break some longstanding and ingrained habits.

Among the sources: I don't want to disappoint people. I don't want to be disappointed. I don't want to embarrass myself or others. I hate it when people react negatively to what I say or do or what I fail to do. I hate it when I fail to do things that I think are important as well as I think they deserve to be done. I know some things won't get done like I think they should be done unless I do them, even though it often takes me a long time.

The manifestations include: I try so hard to figure out the right thing to do that sometimes I can't even get started. When I do get started, I am very slow, because I want every word to be right, because I don't trust others to fix my mistakes. Even when I finish something, I often have self-doubt and keep trying to think of a better way. Self-doubt can keep me from enjoying what to almost anyone else would appear to be a job well done.

An interesting finding has been that some of the same people who discourage me from being a perfectionist react negatively when I'm not perfect! As much as I don't like that reality, it has been helpful for me to be aware of it.

Among the solutions: I've been able to embrace the truth and power of some slogans and prayers I've known for a long time but maybe have just given lip service, such as "Is it worth it?" (or, "What's it worth?), "let go and let God" and "progress not perfection." I'm seeing some success with setting time boundaries, whether on a writing project or making a difficult decision. Examining my options has helped with decision-making, as has realizing that in many situations I can change my mind.

The Serenity Prayer also comes to mind: "God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can and wisdom to know the difference."

I've practiced it this week in decision-making, with mixed but overall positive results, as I continue to learn from less-than-optimal outcomes.

And I practiced it today in writing a concert review. When I reached a stopping point, I sincerely wanted to keep working on it, knowing it could be better. But I let it go -- submitted it -- and now it has been published. (If you want to read it, you can click here: Point of Grace concert review)

Letting go of a project or decision before I'm "ready" leaves me feeling vulnerable. But I detect a bit of a positive sensation as well. I'm hopeful I can build on that.

These Scriptures and this quote from Craig Denison in his recent First15.org post continue to provide guidance for me regarding perfectionism:

"Along with freeing others from the expectation of perfection, if we will offer ourselves the same grace and mercy that our heavenly Father does, we will experience new levels of joy and freedom. While God has offered us a path to total freedom from sin, he has the fullness of compassion for our weaknesses. Don’t strive for perfection in your works, but instead pursue a deeper relationship with the God of love and grace. You weren’t created to live perfectly in your own strength, but to know the love of the Father and allow him to empower you for the life to which you have been called. May you free yourself from the burden of perfection today and pursue greater intimacy with your heavenly Father."

“Surely there is not a righteous man on earth who does good and never sins.” Ecclesiastes 7:20

“For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God.” Romans 3:23