Thursday, December 4, 2014

Praying in faith

Having a cold was not on my priority list for the start of December. It happened anyway. As colds go, it hasn't been bad. But combined with winter weather, an uncomfortably cold office, and stress from a variety of sources, it's about wiped me out. 

The stage was set Saturday -- Nov. 29 -- a day of contemplation and some tears, including with a dear sister in Christ who understands all too well. ... Feeling helpless but never hopeless. Grateful and blessed. And loved. Rich blessings of family, faith and spirit. Sweet music of life: To hear it! To share it!

The stronger symptoms of the cold came that night. Fortunately, the amount of water I drink and other methods seem to keep a cold's drainage from settling in my chest or head, so by Monday I felt remarkably better.  That doesn't mean there's not a steady stream of mucous and especially lots of tiredness. 

As a result, I've been less successful in dealing with emotions and stress. 

Even my prayers seem feeble and unfocused. It's all I can do to pray in faith -- I literally express to God that I have faith He knows my cares and concerns, and  I trust Him to take care of them. I trust that if He needs me to be a part of His work in an area, He will guide me and equip me. 

By the end of today, I was also reciting the Serenity Prayer: God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference. (Thy will, not mine, be done.) Amen. 

None of this seems easy right now. I'm not feeling the faith I claim. It's more like   acting as if. And there is value in that.

Meanwhile,  I feel so much tension in my body. Would crying make me feel better or worse???? 

I feel as if I need to bawl, but I fear if I start I will never stop -- or it really won't help, and then I'll just also have a headache and red, itchy, puffy eyes. 

And so I continue to pray in faith and trust. 

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