Holy Week progression (Resistance is Futile ...)

Sunday night, I felt compelled to compose a blog post and share it on Facebook. Sadly, I knew even before I started writing that my feelings about the highly anticipated morning of helping to lead online worship at my church for Palm Sunday during this time of global pandemic and social distancing had taken an unexpected and dramatic negative turn at a certain point in the day.

I felt compelled -- the sense I sometimes have of being prompted by God -- to write, to express, to share and to trust. I had a problem, however, because I try to be honest with what I write, and I also prefer to share positive posts.

After staying up much too long, what I ended up with met neither criteria. I posted it anyway, with a caveat: This isn't really what I expected to write at the end of Palm Sunday. (Perhaps a more accurate title would be "Resistance Is Futile for God Is at Work, Part XXX"; to be continued)

A couple of supportive comments from a family member and a church friend didn't soothe my soul's distress.

By the next morning, when I had traveled two hours with my husband to our farm where we had work to do, I had resolved to remove the link to my blog from my Facebook feed. So what if "resistance is futile"?!? I was resisting.

But even as I resisted, I surrendered and prayed.

My prayers led me to catch up on some readings in a 47-day study by Jim Denison titled "Empowered: A Guide to Experiencing the Power of the Holy Spirit." Although the study was designed to start on Ash Wednesday, I had picked it up much later. But the three-page, Scripture-based messages had drawn me in, and I thought I would be able to get caught up to end with the timely readings for Holy Week.

The catch-up readings contained words I needed to see and internalize, including, in an introduction to a section on the fruit of the Spirit: "They are the Spirit's fruit, not ours. We are not called to try harder to make more fruit. Rather, we are to stay surrendered to the Spirit, so He can produce His fruit in and through us."

The week before, I had read Scriptures and guidance that helped me understand better how to pray to receive God's Holy Spirit. As I had continued to do that despite my many shortcomings, perhaps a bit of fertile ground was available for some of the Spirit's fruit to have a chance to develop.

Even with some continued challenges, my outlook began to turn around Monday. Rather than getting stuck on the negative, the what-ifs, and the "what's wrong with me that I keep messing up and letting things bother me so much" mindset, I began to cling to and build on the positives.

I can tell you that was not my own doing; if it had been, I would have made that shift as soon as I saw myself slipping into frustration and self-doubt on Sunday.

One thing I recall about Sunday night is that awareness, as I wrote on Facebook, that God was at work. I didn't like how it felt and I had no idea what He was doing, but I held on to faith and hope that He was in charge and His plans for me are good.

Tonight, after a Maundy Thursday of Holy Week that included morning devotions and an evening love feast followed by Holy Communion, all shared with my husband and other Christian believers online, I feel the peace and love and presence and hope of Christ.

I pray to continue to let His peace and presence and love and hope, through His Holy Spirit, fill me, that I may be of service to Our Lord and Savior.