And once again, I'm unsure what I want to write or how to express it.
I want to say I've been reminded (again) that I am at my best when I don't make plans or have expectations or try to figure things out. I just need to seek God through prayer and Bible reading and study and then do the next right things that present themselves.
But no matter how often I learn this or experience its positive truth, I have never been able to just let go and trust God on a consistent basis. I keep making it a struggle.
On this Saturday between Good Friday and Easter Sunday that seems to have gotten a lot more attention this year (perhaps since churches and families and others can't be having Eggstravaganzas and shopping for Easter clothes and shoes and accessories and preparing for a big family dinner), I've read some commentary that provides hope and perspective.
One that I shared on my Facebook page was from John Ortbert, author of "Who Is This Man?"
Some of the paragraphs that resonated:
This isn’t Sunday. This isn’t Friday. This is Saturday. The day after this but the day before that. The day after a prayer gets prayed but there is no answer on the way. The day after a soul gets crushed way down but there’s no promise of ever getting up off the mat. ....
Saturday is the day your dream died. You wake up and you’re still alive. You have to go on, but you don’t know how. Worse, you don’t know why. ...
On Saturday, in addition to the pain of Friday, there is the pain of silence and absence of God. ...
What's a person to do? Ortbert offers three options. I prefer the third one, difficult as it can be:
You can wait. Work with God even when He feels far away. Rest. Ask. Whine. Complain. Trust.
This has been my experience. And in the waiting, if I allow my heart to be the tiniest bit open, I realize again that GOD is here, there, everywhere. And He is in control.
"Wait for the Lord; be strong, and let your heart take courage; wait for the Lord!" (Psalm 27:14)
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