What would you do if you knew? The question has been on my mind a lot lately as I've contemplated my Dad's cancer prognosis and then 9/11 remembrances and now some news at work.
What would you do if you knew you had six months to live? A year? A day? A few hours? None of us really knows how long we have -- 9/11 and auto accidents and deadly storms are reminders of that.
A few years ago, such thoughts would depress me and make me want to just shut down, crawl back into bed or escape into a binge of overeating. Today, the thoughts still overwhelm me, until I release them to God's care.
Some of the answers He has provided, for today:
-- Be still and know that I am God.
-- Seek God. Trust God. Obey God. Praise God.
-- Blessed assurance, Jesus is mine! O what a foretaste of glory divine ... Angels descending, bring from above, echoes of mercy, whispers of love ... Perfect submission, all is at rest. I in my Savior am happy and blest ... filled with His goodness, lost in His love. This is my story ... praising my Savior all the day long.
-- This from today's Upper Room devotional: "My Presence will go with you, and I will give you rest" (Exodus 33:14,NIV).
-- Some people get choices and opportunities. Some don't. We all have the choice to live in such a way that we have no regrets. (Even having regrets is a choice.) Love. Make things right. Amends. If I can't make direct amends (I can't change the past) I might be able to make living amends by doing better today and in the future.
This is titled Part 1 because it really does just touch the surface. News today that the company I work for is being sold -- with promises that nothing will change -- is another reminder that life goes on and changes happen, and I cannot predict or control the future. Some of how I learned this latest news seemed to involve a direct lie of something I had been told earlier, but on closer examination, I see how they got around it. But it sure makes me wonder: Who can I trust?
Well, I can trust God. And I do trust my parents and my family and many many friends. Based on that foundation -- trust in God and love -- I pray to face whatever comes with grace, gratitude, strength, hope, love and compassion.
Showing posts with label work. Show all posts
Showing posts with label work. Show all posts
Thursday, September 15, 2011
Monday, June 27, 2011
The new routine is no routine
The new routine is no routine. I need to remember that when the next few weeks tempt me to think there is a routine again.
Since the start of the year -- after many years of starting work in the morning and going into the late afternoon or early evening -- I've gone to an ever-changing schedule that is all over the place. The first two or three months it was mostly 2 or 4 p.m. to midnight. Then it was a few months of basically 2-10, 2-12, 2-6, 12-8 and 3 pm-1 am, Monday through Friday. In June it went to Sunday through Thursday, except when I wasn't needed on Sunday, so I worked Friday.
A mid-June vacation without a schedule fit right in with the confusion, and the vacation was punctuated by pulling an all-nighter for Relay for Life.
And now I'm working days again, noon to 8, which in the past would have seemed normal but now is just another change before going to a month of 10-6 Monday through Friday, unless something different is needed. And that will be for just a month, and then it will probably be back to the afternoon to night shifts.
What I am so aware of is that even when -- or especially when -- my work schedule lacks routine, it is imperative for me to build structure and maintain discipline in my life. Patterns of eating, sleeping, exercising, reading, praying and meditating are important. Most days I keep a pretty specific list of what I need to do and when. I went through a period this month of viewing that as a weakness. But today as I walked, after waking up on target after a within-range amount of pillow time, I embraced my list and willingness to use it as a strength.
As I was walking, I thought of my Dad, whose life example includes all kinds of work schedules, including true graveyard shifts. He and lots of people, including one of my sisters, have often worked far from ideal schedules. Their examples remind me to do whatever it takes to make it work for me. For me, that includes keeping it healthy, which is probably why it is more of a challenge, because keeping it healthy requires discipline for me.
That also made me think of Daddy's newest thing. A couple of days each week, he'll be going into town for pulmonary therapy. Why? To continue to build up his strength. He wants to be as healthy as he can be, even at 85. I am proud and inspired.
I sometimes wish my life were more routine or automatic. It seems as if what comes naturally for me is to do nothing. (I had some thoughts about that, too, while I walked today, that renewed my hope that I can change.) I'm grateful that I keep fighting that instinctive inertia.
Since the start of the year -- after many years of starting work in the morning and going into the late afternoon or early evening -- I've gone to an ever-changing schedule that is all over the place. The first two or three months it was mostly 2 or 4 p.m. to midnight. Then it was a few months of basically 2-10, 2-12, 2-6, 12-8 and 3 pm-1 am, Monday through Friday. In June it went to Sunday through Thursday, except when I wasn't needed on Sunday, so I worked Friday.
A mid-June vacation without a schedule fit right in with the confusion, and the vacation was punctuated by pulling an all-nighter for Relay for Life.
And now I'm working days again, noon to 8, which in the past would have seemed normal but now is just another change before going to a month of 10-6 Monday through Friday, unless something different is needed. And that will be for just a month, and then it will probably be back to the afternoon to night shifts.
What I am so aware of is that even when -- or especially when -- my work schedule lacks routine, it is imperative for me to build structure and maintain discipline in my life. Patterns of eating, sleeping, exercising, reading, praying and meditating are important. Most days I keep a pretty specific list of what I need to do and when. I went through a period this month of viewing that as a weakness. But today as I walked, after waking up on target after a within-range amount of pillow time, I embraced my list and willingness to use it as a strength.
As I was walking, I thought of my Dad, whose life example includes all kinds of work schedules, including true graveyard shifts. He and lots of people, including one of my sisters, have often worked far from ideal schedules. Their examples remind me to do whatever it takes to make it work for me. For me, that includes keeping it healthy, which is probably why it is more of a challenge, because keeping it healthy requires discipline for me.
That also made me think of Daddy's newest thing. A couple of days each week, he'll be going into town for pulmonary therapy. Why? To continue to build up his strength. He wants to be as healthy as he can be, even at 85. I am proud and inspired.
I sometimes wish my life were more routine or automatic. It seems as if what comes naturally for me is to do nothing. (I had some thoughts about that, too, while I walked today, that renewed my hope that I can change.) I'm grateful that I keep fighting that instinctive inertia.
Saturday, February 12, 2011
More of the same (and that's good!)
Psalmcat 51:2.12.11
This past week was filled with gifts of grace. Following a week in which I was so aware of how my best and most hope-filled plans seemed to get thrown off course, I experienced several days in which things that looked like negatives all ended up with positive results. And, of course, that's what also happened to those plans the previous week that seemed to be derailed.
Among the most recent examples:
-- Despite my best efforts not to care, I still struggle very much with wanting to be recognized for my diligent efforts as a copy editor in catching mistakes and keeping them out of the newspaper. But every month, no matter how many "catches" I enter in the newsroom contest (for January, it was more than 15, including misspelled or wrong names; wrong or missing dates; and factual errors) and no matter how good I think they are, someone else wins, usually for a single catch. I try not to let it bother me, but every month, my humanity gets in the way, and it does bother me. But this month, something unexpected happened. No, I didn't win for my "catches," but I won for a headline I wrote. It's ironic, because I don't consider headline writing one of my strengths at all. But when it comes to that monthly contest, I've probably been recognized more for my headlines than my editing. (Adding to the irony, I would not have been able to enter my winning headline, "Wave of expansions buoys Port of Catoosa," had another copy editor not caught that I originally wrote "bouyed.") I definitely heard God laughing in all of this and also trying to get me to learn a lesson in humility.
-- As each day passed since my crown prep work, and after returning to the dentist twice to have the temporary put back on, my doubts grew that the temporary would make it until my Feb. 21 appointment to have the permanent crown put on. So, in God's perfect timing, as I was somewhat dreadfully preparing to work into the night of impending snowfall on Tuesday and immediately after I had read that I didn't win for my catches and did win for a headline, the inside of my temporary crown crumbled!!!!!!! The other times, the whole thing came off, but this time, the inside crumbled into small pieces, and the outside stayed in place, although I could tell it was loose. Aaaagggghhhh!!!!!! I did not want to go back to the dentist, and since it was after 4 p.m., I decided I would wait until Wednesday to even call. As it turned out, the snow did come. I would have been able to make it to work for my four-hour shift on Wednesday, but instead I was able to get an appointment to take care of my tooth problem. And while there, I received totally unexpected good news: The permanent crown had come in early, so they were able to put it on!!!! After a tooth saga that had begun with crown prep work and 2 fillings on a snowy morning in mid-January, this was great news. So, the bad news of the temp crown crumbling turned into the good news of getting the permanent crown early. Maybe I'll be done with that for a while.
-- When snow and ice are in the forecast, it's hard for me not to fill with dread.
My place of employment stays open even when the weather is bad. When there's work to be done and I'm scheduled, I want to be there. But I live 25 miles from the office, so it's not always possible. So, I watch the forecasts and try to pack my car and an overnight bag appropriately and give it my best shot to get to work. The previous week, I was glad to be told to stay home on the worst day (even though I had to take personal leave time). This time, I could have made it to work, but I knew from the work plan of the previous day that enough people would be there to get the job done. Then, when the dentist's office was able to get me in, that made the decision to not go to work for my 4-hour shift even easier. (And since I didn't go to work, and my husband also was off because of the snow, we had an early Valentine's, going out to eat and then renting two DVD movies to watch.) So, two weeks in a row now, I've experienced silver linings among the snow and ice of winter weather. And because of my crazy schedule, I was able to miss just the four-hour shift each week, working the other 36 hours of my week the other four days.
Among the lessons learned (again?):
-- God knows exactly what each person, including me, needs, and He gives each person exactly what that person needs. But it's up to the person to accept what God gives. God doesn't force His gifts upon us. And sometimes the gifts are disguised.
-- God works all things for good.
-- God has a sense of humor. I might as well enjoy it and share it.
This past week was filled with gifts of grace. Following a week in which I was so aware of how my best and most hope-filled plans seemed to get thrown off course, I experienced several days in which things that looked like negatives all ended up with positive results. And, of course, that's what also happened to those plans the previous week that seemed to be derailed.
Among the most recent examples:
-- Despite my best efforts not to care, I still struggle very much with wanting to be recognized for my diligent efforts as a copy editor in catching mistakes and keeping them out of the newspaper. But every month, no matter how many "catches" I enter in the newsroom contest (for January, it was more than 15, including misspelled or wrong names; wrong or missing dates; and factual errors) and no matter how good I think they are, someone else wins, usually for a single catch. I try not to let it bother me, but every month, my humanity gets in the way, and it does bother me. But this month, something unexpected happened. No, I didn't win for my "catches," but I won for a headline I wrote. It's ironic, because I don't consider headline writing one of my strengths at all. But when it comes to that monthly contest, I've probably been recognized more for my headlines than my editing. (Adding to the irony, I would not have been able to enter my winning headline, "Wave of expansions buoys Port of Catoosa," had another copy editor not caught that I originally wrote "bouyed.") I definitely heard God laughing in all of this and also trying to get me to learn a lesson in humility.
-- As each day passed since my crown prep work, and after returning to the dentist twice to have the temporary put back on, my doubts grew that the temporary would make it until my Feb. 21 appointment to have the permanent crown put on. So, in God's perfect timing, as I was somewhat dreadfully preparing to work into the night of impending snowfall on Tuesday and immediately after I had read that I didn't win for my catches and did win for a headline, the inside of my temporary crown crumbled!!!!!!! The other times, the whole thing came off, but this time, the inside crumbled into small pieces, and the outside stayed in place, although I could tell it was loose. Aaaagggghhhh!!!!!! I did not want to go back to the dentist, and since it was after 4 p.m., I decided I would wait until Wednesday to even call. As it turned out, the snow did come. I would have been able to make it to work for my four-hour shift on Wednesday, but instead I was able to get an appointment to take care of my tooth problem. And while there, I received totally unexpected good news: The permanent crown had come in early, so they were able to put it on!!!! After a tooth saga that had begun with crown prep work and 2 fillings on a snowy morning in mid-January, this was great news. So, the bad news of the temp crown crumbling turned into the good news of getting the permanent crown early. Maybe I'll be done with that for a while.
-- When snow and ice are in the forecast, it's hard for me not to fill with dread.
My place of employment stays open even when the weather is bad. When there's work to be done and I'm scheduled, I want to be there. But I live 25 miles from the office, so it's not always possible. So, I watch the forecasts and try to pack my car and an overnight bag appropriately and give it my best shot to get to work. The previous week, I was glad to be told to stay home on the worst day (even though I had to take personal leave time). This time, I could have made it to work, but I knew from the work plan of the previous day that enough people would be there to get the job done. Then, when the dentist's office was able to get me in, that made the decision to not go to work for my 4-hour shift even easier. (And since I didn't go to work, and my husband also was off because of the snow, we had an early Valentine's, going out to eat and then renting two DVD movies to watch.) So, two weeks in a row now, I've experienced silver linings among the snow and ice of winter weather. And because of my crazy schedule, I was able to miss just the four-hour shift each week, working the other 36 hours of my week the other four days.
Among the lessons learned (again?):
-- God knows exactly what each person, including me, needs, and He gives each person exactly what that person needs. But it's up to the person to accept what God gives. God doesn't force His gifts upon us. And sometimes the gifts are disguised.
-- God works all things for good.
-- God has a sense of humor. I might as well enjoy it and share it.
Saturday, January 15, 2011
Keeping the faith during stressful reality
Psalmcat 51:1.15.11
I was brutally reminded by my body on Monday at work that faith and positive thoughts don't always -- immediately -- overcome the physical effects of stress. But seeking God's will and trusting Him to provide whatever I need, including knowledge of His way and strength and wisdom to adhere to that path, is my only effective option. And I continue to be reminded that it works.
I was already thinking I would have to blog about this topic when a friend posted this on Facebook:
I was brutally reminded by my body on Monday at work that faith and positive thoughts don't always -- immediately -- overcome the physical effects of stress. But seeking God's will and trusting Him to provide whatever I need, including knowledge of His way and strength and wisdom to adhere to that path, is my only effective option. And I continue to be reminded that it works.
Wednesday, December 29, 2010
Like coal in my stocking
Well, the good news is I still have a job. The not-so-thrilling news is that starting Jan. 3, I'll be working until midnight most days. I learned this the week of Christmas, and it seemed kinda like getting a lump of coal rather than a desirable gift in my stocking.
I typically don't deal with change very well, and that's the case again. I try to keep planning and hoping for the best. I see opportunities to make a fresh start on sleep patterns, exercise, eating and use of my nonwork time. But then my stomach weighs in, and I know I'm very, very unsettled. More than my hours are changing, but I don't yet know what the other aspects will involve.
Several times I've convinced myself I see more positives than negatives -- helped largely by amazing support from my husband, who has expressed willingness to make adjustments, too. The fact that, at least for the first month, I'm scheduled so that I can take off in time to attend choir practice on Wednesdays is another plus. But I don't see me getting up at 6 a.m. Wednesdays for the Seeking Hour that has become such an important part of my weekly routine.
For now, the uncertainty is the worst part. Even as I hope and plan for the best, I'm also trying to be prepared for the worst. What if I don't adjust? What if I can't sleep? What if I start overeating again? What if I don't like the changes in what I actually do at work? What if ...? What if ...?
So far, for every negative "what if ...," I've been able to eventually shift my mind -- at least temporarily -- to a positive thought. (I still haven't convinced my stomach.) Scripture reminds me it's a waste of time to worry about tomorrow. I cling to that and the message of Christmas, that God is with me. I also can't shake the thought that even a lump of coal can be put to productive use.
I hope that by dispatching this bit of possibly negative reality, I'll be able to sit down tomorrow or Friday and write a more upbeat assessment of the year that's ending and what may await in the coming year.
I typically don't deal with change very well, and that's the case again. I try to keep planning and hoping for the best. I see opportunities to make a fresh start on sleep patterns, exercise, eating and use of my nonwork time. But then my stomach weighs in, and I know I'm very, very unsettled. More than my hours are changing, but I don't yet know what the other aspects will involve.
Several times I've convinced myself I see more positives than negatives -- helped largely by amazing support from my husband, who has expressed willingness to make adjustments, too. The fact that, at least for the first month, I'm scheduled so that I can take off in time to attend choir practice on Wednesdays is another plus. But I don't see me getting up at 6 a.m. Wednesdays for the Seeking Hour that has become such an important part of my weekly routine.
For now, the uncertainty is the worst part. Even as I hope and plan for the best, I'm also trying to be prepared for the worst. What if I don't adjust? What if I can't sleep? What if I start overeating again? What if I don't like the changes in what I actually do at work? What if ...? What if ...?
So far, for every negative "what if ...," I've been able to eventually shift my mind -- at least temporarily -- to a positive thought. (I still haven't convinced my stomach.) Scripture reminds me it's a waste of time to worry about tomorrow. I cling to that and the message of Christmas, that God is with me. I also can't shake the thought that even a lump of coal can be put to productive use.
I hope that by dispatching this bit of possibly negative reality, I'll be able to sit down tomorrow or Friday and write a more upbeat assessment of the year that's ending and what may await in the coming year.
Saturday, September 11, 2010
Sweet music of September: Back-to-school songs
I wanted to sleep until 9 this Saturday morning, but I awoke by 7:45, my mind racing. After getting up briefly, I petted the kitty at the edge of the bed, pulled up the covers and tried to settle back in to sleep. About 10 minutes later, I could tell I might as well get up. The mind would not relent.
The thoughts aren't worry, dread or fear; it's more like I'm incessantly trying to figure things out: How to share what's in my heart without boring or preaching. How to express my concerns without sounding like I'm worrying. How to know what is the right next thing to do in my home life, my relationships, my activities -- with family, friends, at work, church, in fellowship and at play. How to be part of the solution instead of the problem in all of these areas. How to reflect God's glory in all aspects of my life, including relationships and work.
These are the triggers to the most recent round of thoughts:
-- Realizing before I left work yesterday that I face three to four weeks in a row of my less-desirable work schedule, which includes tasks and circumstances I'm not as skilled at and comfortable in dealing with. I said aloud that I want to figure out how to approach this positively, confidently, productively and effectively.
-- Realizing I don't know how to express to my siblings some things I think they may be missing as our parents grow older and face health issues.
One of my biggest worries or fears is that I'll come across as too intense (my behavior was once described as offputting by a superviser at work), a know-it-all, a busybody or meddler. But I know that some of my most valuable lessons have come from finally listening to things I didn't want to hear. Others have come from watching people and learning from their experiences (in this case, seeing four close co-workers and two friends, all about my age, go through the death of a parent or spouse, sometimes unexpectedly and other times gradually, with varying amounts of suffering and angst). And one of the things I've learned is that I don't just assume I or others are "getting it." Sometimes the thing that should be obvious is obscure. I usually don't like it when people point out what I'm missing or any of my weaknesses, but most of the time I end up being grateful.
What does any of this have to do with "back-to-school songs"? Well, Mom posted on Facebook last night that she and Daddy went to the high school football game. I followed her post with lots of questions, ending with this one: "Don't you love having a kid who's a journalist, full of questions?" (This was after I had sent at least one question-filled e-mail earlier in the week.) Mom's response to the final question: "Questions are how we learn."
I believe that. Questions and discussion -- communication -- are a big part of how I learn. Experience is essential, too, but I learn so much about life and myself and others through conversation. I pray to continue to strive to not be overbearing or offputting but to also not be afraid to communicate, especially with family and friends. That is something I've learned since I've graduated from formal schooling. May I never quit learning in the school of life.
The thoughts aren't worry, dread or fear; it's more like I'm incessantly trying to figure things out: How to share what's in my heart without boring or preaching. How to express my concerns without sounding like I'm worrying. How to know what is the right next thing to do in my home life, my relationships, my activities -- with family, friends, at work, church, in fellowship and at play. How to be part of the solution instead of the problem in all of these areas. How to reflect God's glory in all aspects of my life, including relationships and work.
These are the triggers to the most recent round of thoughts:
-- Realizing before I left work yesterday that I face three to four weeks in a row of my less-desirable work schedule, which includes tasks and circumstances I'm not as skilled at and comfortable in dealing with. I said aloud that I want to figure out how to approach this positively, confidently, productively and effectively.
-- Realizing I don't know how to express to my siblings some things I think they may be missing as our parents grow older and face health issues.
One of my biggest worries or fears is that I'll come across as too intense (my behavior was once described as offputting by a superviser at work), a know-it-all, a busybody or meddler. But I know that some of my most valuable lessons have come from finally listening to things I didn't want to hear. Others have come from watching people and learning from their experiences (in this case, seeing four close co-workers and two friends, all about my age, go through the death of a parent or spouse, sometimes unexpectedly and other times gradually, with varying amounts of suffering and angst). And one of the things I've learned is that I don't just assume I or others are "getting it." Sometimes the thing that should be obvious is obscure. I usually don't like it when people point out what I'm missing or any of my weaknesses, but most of the time I end up being grateful.
What does any of this have to do with "back-to-school songs"? Well, Mom posted on Facebook last night that she and Daddy went to the high school football game. I followed her post with lots of questions, ending with this one: "Don't you love having a kid who's a journalist, full of questions?" (This was after I had sent at least one question-filled e-mail earlier in the week.) Mom's response to the final question: "Questions are how we learn."
I believe that. Questions and discussion -- communication -- are a big part of how I learn. Experience is essential, too, but I learn so much about life and myself and others through conversation. I pray to continue to strive to not be overbearing or offputting but to also not be afraid to communicate, especially with family and friends. That is something I've learned since I've graduated from formal schooling. May I never quit learning in the school of life.
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