Father's Day reflections

It seemed fitting to meet my Daddy's newest great-grandson on Father's Day weekend. Ian Charles is named after Charles Baker Davidson, whom I miss today and everyday. Immediately when I heard five-week-old Ian would be at the homeplace instead of more than three hours farther south on Father's Day weekend, I knew I would be there, too. The farm is where Daddy was born and where he died. Mom still lives there, and my heart is very much at home there. I liked being there when Ian Charles made his first visit with his precious mom and dad.

My strong awareness of Daddy's legacy wasn't just on the farm. I felt it this morning at the Gainesville church I grew up attending and where family members still filled about two rows today. Certainly his is one of the many empty seats in that Sunday school class that continues to dwindle in size, largely due to the attrition that comes from the passage of years. I don't suppose there is a place we could eat after church that I wouldn't have some memories of Daddy, but the Ranch House and Catfish Louie's is certainly one. (I can only imagine what his comment would have been as the waitress asked me if I was 55 and qualified for the senior buffet; she said she didn't think I would, but I did the math and realized I am 55 -- and this was my first official senior discount!) Yesterday included a 50th wedding anniversary celebration for a cousin on Daddy's side of the family, and of course that brought some Daddyisms to conversations.

He would have enjoyed this weekend. I think of how proud he was of his kids and grandkids -- and then those great grand ones. Ryan would charm him, and Ian would just make him beam with pride. But I was also reminded yesterday that cancer had taken away his health in a way that it became a blessing to let him go.

I guess the peace and joy I feel today is from gratitude to God for the strong bonds of family that include many, many amazing fathers and mothers. (As I wrote "amazing," I realized none of them would think of themselves that way; they also were and are extremely humble.) I thank my Heavenly Father for this rich and memorable Father's Day weekend.

Cruising past worry (Let it go!)

I awoke today feeling grateful -- and still fretting over something that I told myself I was finished with. Almost 10 months after I disembarked from the Crystal Serenity in Barcelona, Spain, the cruise story is finally out of my hands -- set to run Sunday in the press and online editions of The Oklahoman/NewsOK.com. But my mind keeps running back to it, trying to come up ways to make me feel less disappointed in my presentation. Can I add more photos? What could I have done differently? I don't really think of this as worrying, but whatever it is, I know I need to let it go and shift my focus to God, with trust and gratitude and love.

After deciding to get up even though I was awake two hours earlier than planned or desired, I did my usual first thing, reading the day's Jesus Calling devotional. Guess what it's about? "My Presence with you is a promise, independent of your awareness of Me. Many things can block this awareness, but the major culprit is worry."

Even before I read this, I knew God was telling me: "Don't worry. Trust Me. Focus on Me. Have faith. Know that I am working all things for good. You may never understand why things are like they are. But you can always trust Me." And I believe this.

So -- if I don't fret over the cruise story (that supposedly is out of my hands now); what to wear to a "cocktail attire" reception tonight; what to do for my husband's birthday; figuring out how to be two different places that are 300 miles apart on Father's Day; what to do to get more donations for Relay for Life; and, of course, what about my hair and all those other things flitting through my brain -- what am I supposed to do?

God seems to be speaking to me through this devotional and Scripture. I will read it again -- and continue to pray, seeking God's guidance, trusting in His goodness and feeling His love.

"Who is in charge of your life? If it is you, then you have good reason to worry. But if it is I, then worry is both unnecessary and counterproductive. When you start to feel anxious about something, relinquish the situation to Me. Back off a bit, redirecting your focus to Me. I will either take care of the problem Myself or show you how to handle it." (Jesus Calling by Sarah Young, June 7)

From Luke 12: "Then Jesus said to his disciples: 'Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat; or about your body, what you will wear. ... Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life? Since you cannot do this very little thing, why do you worry about the rest? ... But seek his kingdom, and these things will be given to you as well.'"

A good transition

I like it when the transition from one month to the next goes smoothly. That was the case yesterday and today. 

Saturday started with the festive camaraderie of a bridal tea. Who knew tea leaves could produce a taste like creme brûlée -- and without added sugar? Inspirations Tea Room in Edmond is pretty far off the beaten path for this Norman resident, but I may search that flavor out again. 

Later in the day, a walk along my preferred route, around the tree-lined pond in my neighborhood, further refreshed my mind, body and spirit. It seems I cannot refrain from feeling grateful and praising God as I breathe in the fresh air, see the beauty of nature, hear the birds and insects and contemplate more snowlike cottonwood in the air than I can ever recall. 

Sunday brought the blessed assurance of worship and praise and Holy Communion with my church family. After the weekly chore of buying groceries -- which I really would like to move to another time than the Sabbath  -- I returned to church to take advantage of a short-term opportunity to sing with a live band. Something there is about an electric bass, a couple of guitars, a keyboard and drums played by spiritually focused musicians that makes it worshipful just to practice the familiar praise songs of "Trading My Sorrows," "Blessed  Be Your Name," "Marvelous Light" and "Every Move I Make."

After that, I actually volunteered to cook supper rather than suggest Gene and I go out. And then another walk. Ah! Thank You, God. 

Besides the praise band commitment, which involves practice this month for a week of leading youth worship services in early July, my other big service focus for June is Relay for Life. But I guess I will wait until another time to write about why I Relay. For now, I'll just say that my awareness of the need for a cure -- and money to help fund research for that purpose -- has continued to grow in the past year. 

I am looking forward to whatever God brings my way. I pray to be of use to Him, to His glory. 

When memory fails ....

On this Memorial Day weekend, I'm aware that my typically frustratingly insufficient memory seems to be getting even worse. If I don't write something down, it's unlikely I will remember it. And sometimes even when I write it down I have trouble, because I don't remember where I put what I wrote. I have a folder on my iPhone where I try to keep notes on things I fear I will forget, and that works pretty good most of the time. But I ran into a case this weekend where either I forgot to write something down that I meant to make a note of last weekend, or I noted it somewhere other than my reminder file.

Even as my awareness of this condition grows, so has my acceptance. I don't like it, but I'm not fighting it right now. Like I said, I try to make notes in places I will be able to find them. I try to keep things on a calendar -- something I don't think I had to do even five years ago. But I also try to keep a light attitude about it. I'm grateful for a smartphone that not only keeps a calendar and my reminder file close by, but also quick Google searches. Today, that helped me "remember" my new neighbors' name, and also pushed me toward possibly connecting with them and reconnecting with some others.

I'm hoping what seems like a further decline in my memory is just a result of some stress and mental overload from things I've been letting accumulate. If so, I'm confident it will get better. And even if it doesn't on its own, the steps I've taken recently give me hope that I can find plenty of ways to work around my forgetfulness. But I really think that as I implement those things, my focus and concentration will improve, and that will help solve some of the memory problem.

As for Memorial Day itself, I was grateful for a blog I read each week that included a posting that addressed some thoughts I've had recently about Memorial Day, and whether it is a military holiday or for anyone who died. Rick Marschall's Monday Morning Music Ministry answered many of my questions and also challenged me to take some action. Here is a link to the blog: http://www.mondayministry.com/blog/2014/05/25/that-ragged-old-flag/

Vacation daze

Another vacation is drawing to a close too soon. There just never seem to be enough hours in my days, whether I am at work, on vacation or off for a weekend. 

And yet, I still believe God provides everything I need. So, there must be enough hours in my day. I come again to the conclusion that what I get done is enough, even though it doesn't seem  like it to me. God works through my weakness. I trust Him. 

The vacation highlights were grand: traveling with mom to Arkansas for a niece's wedding, then to see other relatives and taking mom home to Texas. On Friday, I went to a journalism conference that I likely would not have taken off work to attend, but since I was on vacation, I went. (That may hold a clue to why I run out of time on vacation and feel the stress returning as the time to go back to work nears.) I did rest some and catch up on a few things, but not as much as I would have liked. And of course, my hope was that I would actually get ahead on some things. That did not happen.

I'm not complaining. I am acknowledging. Facing the reality. Admitting is the first step. Hopefully I won't sit on this step too long before taking more positive action. 

No place I would rather be

For the second year in a row, I spent Mother's Day weekend in Arkansas with my Mom. And as was the case last year, there is no place I would rather have been. 

Last year it was my niece Laura's nursing school graduation. This year it was niece Rose's wedding. Beautiful, joy-filled days. Not all of the extended family is able to attend, but those who do carry the love and spirit of the whole group and try to relay it back to the others. 

I feel so grateful and blessed to spend this time with my Mom.  She helps me accept each day and find the blessings in whatever comes. (But I guess she also worries about me when I stay up writing after she and Amy have gone to bed.  So, I will stop here. Someday, God willing, I will find the words and time to express so much more  I've wanted to chronicle the past few months -- and this weekend.) 

Thank You, God, for this beautiful day and my amazing mom!

Just give it to Him ...

My thought from the past week is that it just doesn't seem like there are enough hours in the day. But of course there are. I think my biggest struggle in life is time management, and that starts with decision making -- or, more accurately, my chronic indecision. 

As with everything else, I just have to stay focused on God. I believe the words of Scripture, which assure me that there is no reason for me to worry or be afraid. God is with me -- guiding, strengthening and loving me. He meets all of my needs. He always has and always will. And as if that isn't enough, He also continues to surprise me with unexpected and even more undeserved delights. (Sunshiny days for walks; recognition on the job and beyond for my work; a CD of timeless Gospel music treasures from a dear saint -- who I had no idea was just days away from his heavenly home-going.)

I wish I knew what to do to become less self-centered and worrisome and more focused on relating to and helping others. I truly pray for guidance on this, daily. In my eyes, I come up so short. I am grateful for Scriptures and devotionals that remind me there is nothing I could do  to make God love me more or love me less. Does that mean my poor decision making and inability to manage my time  concern me more than they concern God? That would seem to be the case. And it isn't that He doesn't care. It's just that those are not the most important things to Him. He wants my heart. He wants my love. He wants my weaknesses.  He wants my trust.

 Why is it so hard to just give it to Him? And still He could not love me more or less. I am humbled, blessed, grateful. Lord, please help me know and do Your will, to Your glory. I love You. I trust You.  I thank You. 

"But he said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.' Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me." 2 Corinthians 12:9