When memory fails ....

On this Memorial Day weekend, I'm aware that my typically frustratingly insufficient memory seems to be getting even worse. If I don't write something down, it's unlikely I will remember it. And sometimes even when I write it down I have trouble, because I don't remember where I put what I wrote. I have a folder on my iPhone where I try to keep notes on things I fear I will forget, and that works pretty good most of the time. But I ran into a case this weekend where either I forgot to write something down that I meant to make a note of last weekend, or I noted it somewhere other than my reminder file.

Even as my awareness of this condition grows, so has my acceptance. I don't like it, but I'm not fighting it right now. Like I said, I try to make notes in places I will be able to find them. I try to keep things on a calendar -- something I don't think I had to do even five years ago. But I also try to keep a light attitude about it. I'm grateful for a smartphone that not only keeps a calendar and my reminder file close by, but also quick Google searches. Today, that helped me "remember" my new neighbors' name, and also pushed me toward possibly connecting with them and reconnecting with some others.

I'm hoping what seems like a further decline in my memory is just a result of some stress and mental overload from things I've been letting accumulate. If so, I'm confident it will get better. And even if it doesn't on its own, the steps I've taken recently give me hope that I can find plenty of ways to work around my forgetfulness. But I really think that as I implement those things, my focus and concentration will improve, and that will help solve some of the memory problem.

As for Memorial Day itself, I was grateful for a blog I read each week that included a posting that addressed some thoughts I've had recently about Memorial Day, and whether it is a military holiday or for anyone who died. Rick Marschall's Monday Morning Music Ministry answered many of my questions and also challenged me to take some action. Here is a link to the blog: http://www.mondayministry.com/blog/2014/05/25/that-ragged-old-flag/

Vacation daze

Another vacation is drawing to a close too soon. There just never seem to be enough hours in my days, whether I am at work, on vacation or off for a weekend. 

And yet, I still believe God provides everything I need. So, there must be enough hours in my day. I come again to the conclusion that what I get done is enough, even though it doesn't seem  like it to me. God works through my weakness. I trust Him. 

The vacation highlights were grand: traveling with mom to Arkansas for a niece's wedding, then to see other relatives and taking mom home to Texas. On Friday, I went to a journalism conference that I likely would not have taken off work to attend, but since I was on vacation, I went. (That may hold a clue to why I run out of time on vacation and feel the stress returning as the time to go back to work nears.) I did rest some and catch up on a few things, but not as much as I would have liked. And of course, my hope was that I would actually get ahead on some things. That did not happen.

I'm not complaining. I am acknowledging. Facing the reality. Admitting is the first step. Hopefully I won't sit on this step too long before taking more positive action. 

No place I would rather be

For the second year in a row, I spent Mother's Day weekend in Arkansas with my Mom. And as was the case last year, there is no place I would rather have been. 

Last year it was my niece Laura's nursing school graduation. This year it was niece Rose's wedding. Beautiful, joy-filled days. Not all of the extended family is able to attend, but those who do carry the love and spirit of the whole group and try to relay it back to the others. 

I feel so grateful and blessed to spend this time with my Mom.  She helps me accept each day and find the blessings in whatever comes. (But I guess she also worries about me when I stay up writing after she and Amy have gone to bed.  So, I will stop here. Someday, God willing, I will find the words and time to express so much more  I've wanted to chronicle the past few months -- and this weekend.) 

Thank You, God, for this beautiful day and my amazing mom!

Just give it to Him ...

My thought from the past week is that it just doesn't seem like there are enough hours in the day. But of course there are. I think my biggest struggle in life is time management, and that starts with decision making -- or, more accurately, my chronic indecision. 

As with everything else, I just have to stay focused on God. I believe the words of Scripture, which assure me that there is no reason for me to worry or be afraid. God is with me -- guiding, strengthening and loving me. He meets all of my needs. He always has and always will. And as if that isn't enough, He also continues to surprise me with unexpected and even more undeserved delights. (Sunshiny days for walks; recognition on the job and beyond for my work; a CD of timeless Gospel music treasures from a dear saint -- who I had no idea was just days away from his heavenly home-going.)

I wish I knew what to do to become less self-centered and worrisome and more focused on relating to and helping others. I truly pray for guidance on this, daily. In my eyes, I come up so short. I am grateful for Scriptures and devotionals that remind me there is nothing I could do  to make God love me more or love me less. Does that mean my poor decision making and inability to manage my time  concern me more than they concern God? That would seem to be the case. And it isn't that He doesn't care. It's just that those are not the most important things to Him. He wants my heart. He wants my love. He wants my weaknesses.  He wants my trust.

 Why is it so hard to just give it to Him? And still He could not love me more or less. I am humbled, blessed, grateful. Lord, please help me know and do Your will, to Your glory. I love You. I trust You.  I thank You. 

"But he said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.' Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me." 2 Corinthians 12:9

No Letdown

It's the Sunday after Easter. It's been a good week -- and today was a good day. 

Even though I knew I wanted to make the two-hour drive to Gainesville for a family reunion, I also wanted to go to church. So I went to the early service, and the first Sunday after Easter had a good message for me. The sermon included reminders of the doubts of the disciple Thomas -- and how maybe doubting disciples are part of God's plan. 

"It is in the struggle that we gain clarity," pastor Jim Shepherd said. 

I believe that. And I also know that sometimes clarity comes very slowly. And Jim offered counsel on that: When you see someone struggling with their faith in a situation, encourage them to keep working through it and help them see that God is with them and working with them through it. That's helpful to me, because my tendency is to feel ashamed that I am struggling, whether it be with my faith or with some particular or general area of life. 

So, once more, my list of things I want to write about grows longer and longer, but I'm out of time again. 

The songs of Easter, sung at worship today, are still with me. 

"He lives! He lives! Christ Jesus lives today. He walks with me and talks with me along life's narrow way.  He lives -- salvation to impart. You ask me how I know He lives? He lives within my heart!"

And: "Because He lives, I can face tomorrow. Because He lives, all fear is gone. Because I know He holds the future, life is worth living."

May I live to His glory. 

Easter praise

Oh happy day. Blessed day. Christ is risen. Love wins. Love always wins -- even if we don't see it in our lifetime. But so often we can see it -- and do. 

 I want to live every day in the love of the risen Christ -- reflecting God's love so great for me and all the world that He gave His one and only precious Son to die, so that I and all Who believe in Him would not perish but have eternal life. 

Eternal life? Is that really possible? It must be. How can it not be? I feel Christ's presence within and all around me. If that is possible -- if I believe that is possible -- how can I not believe all good things are possible. And so I do. 

"Because He lives, I can face tomorrow. Because He lives, all fear is gone. Because I know He holds the future, life  is worth living."

He lives!

"He lives! He lives! Christ Jesus lives today. He walks with me and talks with me along life's narrow way.

"He lives! He lives! Salvation to impart. You ask me how I know He lives? He lives within my heart!"

I love You, Lord! I trust You, Lord. Thank You!!

Random reflections on Palm Sunday

So much to be grateful for. 

-- My mom and family. Spending time with them is always a joy. 

-- My husband. He works so hard. I want to be more supportive. It's a struggle when I am so disorganized.

 

-- God's great grace. How I needed it this week -- and of course it was there.

 

-- Hope that springs eternal and fresh each day -- great is God's faithfulness!

-- Sight. Hearing. Taste.  Smell. Touch. 

-- Voice to speak and sing. 

-- Hands to type and write and work. 

-- Church family. Today's worship included a Palm procession with the children and choir; a baptism and confirmation; anthem with a Passion theme; and then a wedding! That service missed the sermon with such a compelling title (What a friend He had in Judas.) I couldn't resist asking the pastor about it and was glad I did, because it offered insight about Christ's love that added to the fullness of the day. 

-- Home. Job. Car. Health. 

-- The ability to read and the freedom to pray and study. This week's First 15 from Craig Denison includes some writings from his dad, Jim Denison, that are part of the elder's Lenten Bible study.  (See http://www.first15.org/)

These are two paragraphs I want to keep fresh in my mind, from today's installment:

Where am I in the crowd? .... Consider one other option. On Palm Sunday, the donkey had the greatest honor of all: it carried Jesus. The donkey carried him to Jerusalem for Easter, just as a donkey had carried his mother to Bethlehem for Christmas. The donkey brought Jesus to the people he came to save. In the midst of a fickle crowd, prideful authorities, and faithless disciples, the donkey did its job. It alone was faithful. 

And now Jesus asks me to love him enough to be his donkey. To carry him to the fickle, prideful, faithless people who need him. To tell his story and share his love in mine. The donkey doesn't matter—only the One it bears.