Joy of giving?

Everything I'm reading and learning about what's keeping me from experiencing true joy points to deep-seated self-centeredness, likely based in fear.

I want to be loving, caring, generous. But my fear and insecurity cries out: What about me?

Today provided a choice that gives me another chance to see how this plays out.

A worthy cause was presented to which I wanted to donate cash. I was torn between $20 and $50. Twenty didn't seem like enough.  Fifty seemed too much -- and parting with that $50 bill seemed impossible. I found myself rationalizing I could give $20 to this opportunity and contribute the additional $30 to other causes I knew awaited later in the month. Wouldn't that be more responsible? How do I know I'll have cash for the later opportunities, several of which came to mind as I was trying to think this through.

I must admit I was thinking about this during church. As I listened to the sermon titled "Illusions of Love," I heard the pastor say a guiding principle on how we can make decisions as Christians is to consider what God would have us do. And she said we can be sure what God would have us do would be based in love.

Regardless of the amount I chose to give, it would be an act of love.

Deciding to put the $50 bill in the envelope was an act of faith as well.

To claim God's promises, I need to become willing to follow His leading and trust Him with the results.

Right this minute, I doubt I feel any more joy than I would have had I put $20 in the envelope instead.

I do feel I made the correct decision for that moment. And I do trust God with the results.